Birthday Party Delima

cwtbam · March 2012

DS turns 4 in 8 days. He has been asking for a horsey birthday party (infact planning it himself for months now). I have a whole cowboy themed party for the Roo man the Sunday afternoon that I get him back from the x. Well now the X is planning a huge party for him at a petting zoo.

I have a few issues with this.

1. I don't think this is really a party for DS, well it is, but it is more like, he's throwing this big party to make himself look good. On the nights that he has DS, half of those he is out drinking/gambling and DS is with his XMIL. IMO this is a party to make him feel like a better Dad (I could be wrong, but IDK).in addition, he doesn't pay support (it is written in the divorce papers like this) but he is supposed to pay for his health insurance. Which I just found out from the agent that he canceled in Dec and didn't say a damn thing about it. So now DF and I have started a policy for him and are paying for it, with hopes X will at least pay for half, *(like it's written in for other medical, dental and vision costs, but have no fingers crossed). It's like, you are going to throw this huge party, yet you aren't willing to pay for his health insurance?

2. DS "inbited" DF and I to go. Which if there wasn't pre-exsisting issues, we would love to go, anything for DS.. DF is more of a Dad that the X ever has been to DS, we don't speak. As much as I love my son, I don't know if I can swallow a party with the X's family, especially after not speaking to any of them for the last 2.5 years. We keep telling DS we'll see what the day brings, but he's three, he doesn't understand. This has just made it hard and awkward, especially putting DS in the spot where he knows he asked us to come and we may not. Then what is he going to think and have his poor little feelings hurt.

I guess I'm just in a hard spot here. I know we should go, but at the same time, hell no am I going, We don't speak, at all, other than you running our names through the dirt all of over town to make yourself look better. I suppose this is more of a vent, but anyone have any suggestions? Thoughts? I appreciate them ..

scout426 · March 2012

So the insurance issues need to be dealt with in the courts. If you aren't 100% sure that he cancelled the insurance call the insurance company. They can give you the dates the policy went delinquent.

Explain to your ds that the party is taking place during daddy time and you will be doing something special for him during mommy time for his birthday. But as far as the theme and size of the party that your X is planning as long as it is taking place during his parenting time you don't get any kind of say.

cwtbam · March 2012

The insurance was canceled Dec. 1. The agent for the insurance company called to tell me it was. She knows me and I "had a feeling" that I didn't know it was canceled.

I know that I don't get any say in his party,time, place, & what not, I wasn't meaning to address that if I did, I guess I just went off on tyrant of issues of non-importance.

But thank you for you response, I think that is the route that I will take. I just wasn't sure how DS would understand why we weren't at his party.

blondnearby · March 2012

I personally would go to the party. In the long run, it isn't about your feelings, it is about your DS's You would not be going alone so it's not like you are being ambushed by his family. It would be one thing if your son did not know you were invited but he does.

Raspberry807 · March 2012

If your ex invited you, I think you should go. But don't assume he did just because DS invited you.

DD invited her dad and his GF to come to the party I was planning for her without me knowing, and I had to call him to straighten it out. I might get flamed for this, but I didn't want him there. DD is a little older, she's 7, so with a little explanation she understood that her dad could celebrate her birthday on his time with his family and we would celebrate with our families.

CFjo2010 · March 2012

Raspberry807:

If your ex invited you, I think you should go. But don't assume he did just because DS invited you.

DD invited her dad and his GF to come to the party I was planning for her without me knowing, and I had to call him to straighten it out. I might get flamed for this, but I didn't want him there. DD is a little older, she's 7, so with a little explanation she understood that her dad could celebrate her birthday on his time with his family and we would celebrate with our families.

No flames!! Some people need to stay away from each other because sometimes no contact is better for the kiddos.

That being said, OP if you want to attend the party to make DS happy I think that's fantastic. But double check with your ex. He may not want you there and LO may have invited you on his own. So it may be best to avoid some confrontations and double check. Most kids in blended fmailies understand and expect that they'll have separate birthday parties, Christmas, etc.

Regardless of the insurance situation, your DS deserves a birthday party with his father. Trust me, I completely understand your frustration and anger over it. My ex owes me nearly $20k in CS, doesn't pay for the insurance at all, and he has a birthday party every summer for my kids when they go visit. It makes the kids happy and feel good that their father has a party for them, and that's the most important thing. Kids don't need to be told about money issues or miss out on activities with the NCP because of them. Even when the NCP is behind in CS payments, they still get their visitation time.

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