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Working Moms
Need a confidence boost!
Hi ladies,
I've been a lurker for some time yet never introduced myself but I figured it was time since I need some moral support. I've been married for almost 4 years and we just had our gorgeous bundle of joy in January. I work in the animal welfare field and I absolutely love my career!
That being said, after having my DD, I realized I love her a whole lot more. Unfortunately though, I do not have the option of staying at home and will be returning to work full-time when she is 3 months old.
Now that we are a month and a half away from my return, I can't get it out of my mind the question of how I'll be as connected to her since she'll be with a babysitter 9 hours a day. And it makes me feel awful...
I just don't know how when I get home from work at 5:30 til the time she goes to bed (which will only be a few hours) that we'll get all the snuggling and connection time that she (and I) need in such a short amount of time.
I'm sure there is no true answer to this and I just need a confidence boost that I can do this and not be a complete mess about missing my daughter. Someone please tell me that this will work. I want her to enjoy her time with the babysitter but I don't want her to 'take my place' since she'll be spending more awake time with her than I will.
Ugh, I hate this!
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Re: Need a confidence boost!
I understand the feeling. I struggled with going back to work after having my DS last March. But your DD will know who you are even though you won?t get to spend as much time with her as you?d like. Some things that I remind myself when I?m feeling sad:
1) it?s quality, not quantity. I make sure that when my DS is awake, I give him my attention. I don?t do anything for school or work while he is awake. I do do household chores, and I try to ?nclude him when i can. (i.e., give him some socks to play with while I fold laundry, etc.)
2) Going to work makes me a happy momma. And happy momma = happy baby. I?m a teacher so I had my son, went back for 1.5 months and then was off for the summer. Honesty, during the summer I felt "trapped!, especially in the evenings when DH was supposed to help. Since being back FT (since Sept), it really is more 50/50. Also, DS loves going his caregivers and seeing his little friends. So, it?s been good for all of us to do our "own thing" during the day.
It?s going to be tough the first few days/weeks, but you?ll get through it! Maybe try a few practice runs a week before to get you both used to it. Until then, enjoy your LO!
I 100% know where you are coming from. I hated coming back to work and felt the same way. When I first went back to work my LO went to sleep at 7pm. We didn't even get home until 5:30pm. After the first few days we decided to move LO's bedtime back to 8 pm so we could have more family time. This really helped me. I figure, my parents did the same thing while I was growing up and I turned out fine.
I'm not gonna lie, the first week, especially the first day sucks! It does get better and you will still treasure every second you have with your LO. My favorite time of day is when I leave the office and am heading to see my LO.
I promise you will be okay and your LO will love you just the same. Think about all the cool milestones you'll get to see soon...your LO recognizing you when you come home and greeting you with a huge smile, or when your LO learns to wave and waves bye-bye when you leave. All great things that you get to see once you aren't with your LO all day everyday.
Hang in there, you will be okay. I promise!
No babysitter is ever a replacement for mom or dad. My son is very happy at his daycare, smiles when he sees his teacher, but he squeals and reaches for us when we walk in every day. FWIW, I'm away from him from about 7 am to 5:30 pm. As far as getting "enough" time with him during the day, there's never enough time. But DH and I split up time with him in the morning (one does diaper/outfit change, the other feeds him) so we both get some time, and same thing in the evening (he gets a bath every night, I do one night, DH does the next).
And remember, there will be plenty of snuggles during the night (sometimes too many!) and on the weekends.
I agree with what everyone has said.
Just remember that your daughter WILL NOT forget who you are and that you are 100% raising her...not your daycare. I struggled for a long time when I first started back at 6 weeks. But, as your child gets older, it gets easier. When I come and pick her up she gets the biggest grin in the world and will yell "MAMA" and then run towards me to give me hugs/kisses. Trust me and everyone when they say, she will not forget who her mama is.
I also agree it is quality that matters over quantity when it comes to being with your child. Include DD in everything that you do. My DD loves to "help" with some of the chores and even though it means they don't get done as quickly then if I would have done them by myself, we usually have fun doing them together.
When you start back at work, just remember that is an adjustment for not only you, but for DD. She might have off days and there might be nights where she is really fussy. Take one day at a time, it is ok to cry, call your provider as much as you need and remember as long as you have a good provider, she is in good hands. We love our provider and I always say that while I think about DD during the day, I never worry about her or the care she is receiving...and that makes a world of a difference.
Goodbye little angel(7/22/2011)....see you in heaven
Goodbye my second angel (9/18/2011)
I completely understand hoe you feel. I didn't have the option either of being a stay at home mom. I love my LO so dearly but yes that time away at work is a good thing. I spent her first 2 months home with LO and between the lack of sleep and sometimes feeling trapped, its a good thing to go back to work. Yes, the hours off work are few but it's what you do with LO not necessarily how much time you spend with LO. By this time she know who you are and wouldn't forget you. Plus there are still weekends to spend with her as well.
Good luck!
I knew you ladies would rock at helping boost my confidence. It's still gonna be hard but it's great to hear and know it works for so many other families.
Thank you!!!