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Blended Families
SM journey - Edited*
Most of you oldies remember me. I met my SS when he was 7, he moved with us when he was 10 and then when he was 15 he moved back to his mother for that one school year. We put him in boot camp that summer before school started, to transition him back. He was in JROTC and I posted about 2 weeks ago that he moved out on his own accord. In all these years, I was more of the hands on parent than his dad. I was the breadwinner for most of the years (DH did work just to clear that up) and made sure he had plenty of activities: baseball, swimming, boxing, etc...) At the time both DH and BM realized they could and did take advantage, because I let them.
Time and time again, when SS behavior was less than desireable it was my DH who enabled it, as well as BM side of the family. So I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. One because I was too weak to put my foot down, and the other because I felt I was "giving up" on a marriage, and on raising SS. Then things got worse (in my eyes) because the twins arrived. Inwardly I felt "trapped" and really resented my DH. In all these years mind you, we did do counseling and things got better for a while but then DH would let the shi*t hit the fan, and it would start all over again.
Fast forward to SS leaving to BM side of the family. He's finishing HighSchool and he will graduate and go to college. This is what he is telling everyone. He left his room a disaster and DH continues to give him the house key, so that he can come get his stuff. This has happened 2 times that I know of. I have a locksmith scheduled to come Wednesday to change the locks. DH doesnt' know and I won't be telling him. DH has handled other outbursts of SS however, but really I'm not impressed. It's called "parenting".
This is for all the future SM or new SM. Sometimes the story doesn't end in a happy ending. Don't expect to get a slap on the back for "hanging in there". Don't expect DH, BM or SC to be thankful for your day to day interaction with SC. Don't expect your DH to be on your team. Life as a SM isn't a face or competition. You don't get a medal at the end. I don't want to sound grumpy, but it's just the reality of it. I'm very glad and proud that SS will be graduating (even if his grades aren't all that) - it's still an accomplishment. I don't even know if I'm invited as BM and his family on that side(that he always puts on a pedestal and brags about - even if they never did anything for him) will be attending.
Maybe one day when he's a parent, he'll realize it's a lot of hard work.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: SM journey - Edited*
Ria - doing well. Here's the little one - he'll be 2 in April. Here's a picture of the twins with one of their cousins and the little one at the bottom.