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overwhelmed with the new changes

julielh119julielh119
in Single Parents
So I'm coming to terms with me being alone with my LO. I've been with my boyfriend/fiance for almost 2 years but we've been long distance the entire time. We've had our ups and downs for sure. In fact, I told him I wouldn't move there unless we were in a commitment (engaged). He bought a ring and the day he gave it to me we conceived our LO. A month later he freaks out and says it's moving too fast (this comes after I give my landlord notice and start moving things down). Evenutally he begged me to come back and I did...then we find I'm pregnant. It definitely was an unexpected gift for sure. But now it's gotten to the point where we never see each other...never! It's always something that keeps us apart. I've decided to stay with my mother (who's been so supportive right now and I couldn't imagine this without her now) so I can save money...a temporary fix. He just never wants to talk about the baby and we argue about not seeing each other. This morning was the tipping point when he wouldn't meet me to get the crib but was going to send his mother. Then said, "you might as well come down so you can put the nursery together". I just lost it and said it's off...the crib and dresser will go with me to my mother's. He just doesn't want to be a part of it. He paid 400 (part of it) and asked for his money back so he can buy his own crib. It's just so upsetting to think this is what it's come to. I just want my child to be in a healthy and happy environment. Has anyone been through this? I just want to know I'm doing the right thing. We were shakey to begin with and now it's broken. I just want to do what's best for my LO.
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Re: overwhelmed with the new changes

  • ashleyann331ashleyann331
    I know your in a very difficult situation, but know your not alone. This is actually a very common thing!! INSANE right? There are lots of wonderful ladies on here that can offer some great advice. Just post what your feeling and someone will know exactly how you feel. The best advice I can tell you is just let him go. As hard as it is its whats best. Yes, it should mean something that you and he have a baby together but the sad thing with a lot of guys is they don't see the baby as a priority, and just as an option. I'm personally (as with quite a few ladies on here) going through a divorce and as soon as I found out I was pregnant my STBXH switched personalities. He won't claim the baby, saying its someone else's.... ummmm we are married who else would be the father of my baby? and after a few months of feeling like I needed him back, and that my life was pretty much over because he didn't want to be with me anymore I realized how much better off I am without him. No, I don't feel like that constantly every day but I'm getting better every day. It takes time, and you need to go through all the motions to heal. Focus on you and your baby because really thats all that matters now.
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  • FyreFlyeRushFyreFlyeRush member
    What the PP said. A lot of women are going through similar situations. This is completely normal. 
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  • angelicalopez29angelicalopez29
    NO, its NOT normal, its common though... You are not the only one that had to go through this, and I'm sure all of us moms just wish our LO's can have a happy life, and they can, even with an absent father, it is up to you, to teach them that happiness is not about getting "life right", and living it the way that "everyone should live it"; its about learning how to look at situations with a positive mind, always searching for solutions to problems, instead of just sinking in the thought that "everything is a failure and it's just not worth it" or even worse "my life has now failed and lost its worth because I do not have the things or lived the things I wished to live/have" ... if your child sees you acting like everything is messed up because you are now a single parent and the father is a jerk, your child will have the same beliefs and grow up to be a very sad person if he/she does not have the life dreamed. Just think about it... It is a very very hard thing to cope with (as I have been there, left all alone, huge payment bills, the father threatening me to take away child, my mother not being very supportive or compassionate about my situation, small salary, a house to pay, a sick child, it is hard, but NOT IMPOSSIBLE) you just need to focus your mind on possible solutions for your situation. And you will be ok. It will be scary, and sometimes you may cry and feel really alone, that IS normal, but you will get through this... I promise....
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