Need a pep talk-Telling SD about new baby

mschocokitty · March 2012

My SD is 10 and lives with us full time. We have waited to tell her about the baby until after my ultrasound showed everything is progressing well. The ultrasound on Tuesday showed a really healthy baby, so we feel it is time to break the news. She has shown conflicting feelings about a new sibling in the past. My SD has stated that her BM openly favors her 3 year old sister over her, a perception that undoubtedly has some root in reality. However, I feel like she knows something is up because just last week she randomly mentioned it would be ok if she had a baby brother. DH is nervous that she is going to feel ignored by the family(both sides) with the baby around. I feel he needs to keep a positive attitude because she is going to pick up her cues from him. We plan to tell her on Saturday. From my time on this board, I know the conversation has to stay positive and focused on the fact that she is still loved and important. Any other advice on the do's and don't of this conversation would be immensely appreciated. I'm starting to chicken out!

Littlejen22 · March 2012

I would tell her that you are PG and cannot wait to be a family of 4. I would not address how she will not be loved any less or any of that unless she voices concerns. If she seems weird about it then ask her what she is concerned about and address those concerns but don't put any on her - meaning just b/c she feels one way about Mom having a baby she might feel different b/c she lives with you full time. If she asks how things will be different I would tell her that her place in the family will not change except that she will now be the oldest kid and will have a little sibling to love and to look up to her. But I would be honest that things will change b/c babies have needs but that as a family you will all address the changes together and it will be a wonderful change for all of you. Good luck.

Oh, and I would have DH use phrases like you guys are excited to be adding to your family instead of just that you are happy to be having a baby.

rainbows&unicorns · March 2012

A good friend of mine, who has a 9 yo SS, is due with a baby boy this month. Rather than a family baby shower, she had a "Big Brother" party to celebrate her SS and his new role. They also have honest conversations about how things will change but everyone has new important roles and move love is coming into their home/family. Their SS is excited about this little brother to come. They have primary custody of the SS as the birth mom not stable in her her parenting as well as skips visitations from time to time. However in one of her visitations, she was able to tell their SS that he'll be forgotten and not important to them once their baby comes - which very sadly, is typical behavior from her.

My SS is 7 and we have casually talked to him about the possiblity for him to be a big brother one day. In our quick warm up conversation, he was excited to realize that he'll be able to share (and teach) all the fun things that he enjoys with his potential sibling and be the person who the sibling will look up to as well as think he's the coolest person. He also had a chance to share concerns (he had a few) and we were able to discuss those. We look forward to making the possibility a reality one day and I know that our special SS will be a loving and fun big brother.

MarSamWhitney · March 2012

I agree with PP, just let her know how exciting its going to be, and that you can't wait to add to your family. Good luck!

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