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Preemies
OrganicTeacher
member
Discharge From Hospital Question
OrganicTeacher
member
in Preemies
So - today I am being discharged from the hospital and my LO, Wesley is staying here in the NICU. He is going to be here for a while - as many preemies are.
I am getting ready to be discharged and I am just beside myself with grief. I know he is where he needs to be to grow bigger and get better - but I am just so frustrated and upset that this didn't go as all had been planned.
What did you do to help you with your emotional state when you were discharged? I am trying to figure out what this new life is going to look like with him in there, and wondering how in the world I am going to make it home without falling into a million pieces.
We are going to go home, get settled back in, and then go back to the hospital to spend another feeding or two with him before heading back home. I was much better off yesterday as we was doing well - but they told us last night that he is hypoglycemic and they aren't sure why. They stopped his breast milk (through the NG tube) and now today in about a half hour they are going to restart it. They are giving it to him at the same time as some glucose in a line - so we will see if he does or does not gain weight the way he needs to. I am just worried that there might be a bigger reason that he is hypoglycemic. My mind immediately went to this thought of him never coming home or him coming home in a million days.
So - I was good til we hit our first bump - then It kind of really hit me how real this all is - and how he basically got "evicted from his condo in my body" and is now going to be pretty far from me out here... and I keep blaming myself - what if I did this, what if I did that - and I know that it won't help and may only make things worse for me, but it is hard not to go through everything and just be upset.
What did you do to help you with the separation of you and your baby? Did you do anything the day of to help you cope? I am just so bitter and jealous of all the women who have their babies going home with them today - and they are all riding down the elevator in their wheelchairs holding the carseats... And I am riding down empty handed and devastated.
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Re: Discharge From Hospital Question
Congratulations on the birth of your baby boy, he is adorable! First of all, it is ok to fall to pieces and have a (or several) good cries. It's incredibly hard to deal with and you are entitled to be upset. Keep communication open with your DH, you need each other right now. I was very jealous of the other women in the hospital too. I even blocked TLC from my tv so I couldn't accidently see "A Baby Story" for a while. (I still can't watch it)
Being away from your LO won't be easy. Just know that the day you bring him home will be the happiest day and it will happen- hopefully soon. One thing that I did that really helped me deal was get as involved in LO's care as possible as soon as the nurses say you can. Change diapers, ask questions, talk/read to LO, hold him, etc. Eventually, the NICU nurses said that I should be on the payroll because of all I was doing for LO when she was stable enough. Doing these things made me feel a little bit better about not being there because I was able to mother her (as much as I could under the circumstances) when I was there. Try and get some rest at home too- you have been through a lot. If you plan on pumping try to do it in the NICU, near your baby. It will help with your supply- trust me. Also, don't be afraid to call when you want an update on LO. I did this before bed every night and it helped also.
I'm sorry you and your LO have to go through this. Remember, crying is ok and feeling emotional is unavoidable. Good luck to you
Congratulations Mommy! What a beautiful baby boy!
I have no words of wisdom on this topic. I was completely hysterical on the ride home from the hospital. Just reading your post made tears well up in my eyes. That was the hardest, most unnatural thing I've ever experienced, leaving here there alone. I knew its where she needed to be, but in my mind - I am her mommy! She needs to be with ME. I will say it gets better, or just more routine. Then, sometime before you know it, he'll be coming home!
Counseling has really helped me. I have s lot of anger & guilt surrounding the situation & she's helped me work thru s lot of that. Good luck to you & your sweet baby!
What helped me was jumping in from the beginning with changing her diaper, taking her temperature, finding out what her orders for the day were, etc. I kept on top of all the meds that she was on, what tests were ordered and what their results were, etc. Depending on how LO is doing, ask about Kangaroo care and when you can start doing it.
It is definitely overwhelming leaving the hospital without your LO. I also got books from the library about having preemies and got some great information from there.
There is not a better description of life in the NICU as a rollercoaster. There will be good days and bad days. Focus on the good days and try to just get through the bad days.
I know what you mean about seeing all the people in the elevator with the car seats or being wheeled to the pickup area. When I see those people taking their babies home, they all look like giants compared to my little baby who is now, after a month, only 2 pounds 5 ounces. It sucks that I didn't get to have those intimate first moments as a family shortly after she was born, or that we didn't have a photo session with her being only days old. However, we did the best that we could. I have an SLR and take at least 1, if not more, pics of her every day as best as I can. When she got on the CPAP and off the vent, when they were adjusting her headgear thing, I was able to FINALLY see and take a picture of her face with only her feeding tube in. We finally started to Kangaroo her a few days ago, and DH, her, and I had our first TV night where we sat there and watched American Idol together.
For me, writing about her progress, is kind of like a therapy for me. I definitely agree with PP about talking with a counselor or therapist. Your hospital and/or insurance company should have a social worker assigned to you because your baby is in the NICU and they are an excellent resource to find help. My NICU also offers classes for parents--find out if your NICU does it as well. It is great to talk with other NICU moms.
Me: PCOS DH: Low everything (MFI)
Clomid with TI x 3 2010 BFN
Clomid+IUI+Ovidrel 2010 BFN
IVF w/ICSI #1 2011
9/8/11 Beta #1: 2082!! 9/19/11 Beta#2 34,689!! U/S 9/22/11 HR 127! 11/8/11 HR 150! 12/6/11 HR 136! 12/14/11 HR 139! Born at 26w2d on 2/4/2012! After 83 days in the NICU, Adalyn came home on 4/26/12!
FET 1 3/2013 BFN
FET 2 5/2013 BFN