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1st Trimester
Befuel
member
Mom vs. MIL (long)
Befuel
member
We live pretty far from both sets of parents, so it's going to take a bit of planning to get everyone down here when the baby comes. We had tentatively planned on having my mom and my in-laws come down when the baby is born, with my in-laws staying at a hotel and my mom staying with us. DH is an only child and this will be the first grandchild for both sets of parents, so this baby is highly anticipated. I should also note that I love my MIL and we have a great relationship, but she has a tendency to be overbearing and we've had to have "boundary" talks with her in the past. She just tries to be very helpful but ends up completely taking over and it ends up being very frustrating for me.
All that said, when I was talking to my mom this morning and I mentioned that my MIL and FIL were planning on coming to visit after the baby was born, my mom said that she'd prefer not to overlap their visits and that she would come after they left. Her thought was that she felt like it would be too much for me to have all of them there and that she would also feel like my MIL would try to do everything and she'd just end up being frustrated with her. I can't say that I don't understand where she's coming from, but I'd really like my mom at the hospital with me and when we get the baby home I know I'm going to need her help (she was an L&D nurse for 25 years, she knows newborns). I also really can't see how I can possibly tell DH's parents not to come down right away because this is their first grandchild and they are possibly more excited than we are about this kid.
In the end my mom said she would do whatever I wanted and if that meant putting up (graciously) with my MIL for a week, she would do it. I just really don't want the time to come and realize that I shouldn't have had everyone come at the same time or worse, have weird tension between my mom and MIL because they both want to do it all. Ugh.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Mom vs. MIL (long)
I'm sorry there is this stress in your life! It's so hard to make everyone happy....even though I try all the time! If I were you, I think I would have your mom come first because of the fact that you want her at the birth. Hands down. Also, speaking from my own nursing background in postpartum, I don't think you would want someone who is already a little controlling (L&D nurses run the show!) don't get me wrong, she'll be great to have at your side but maybe just not right away. Good luck!
When it comes down to it your still your moms "baby". My MIL is a gorilla and drives me crazy! My suggestion to you is that your mommy takes care of her baby (you) and enjoy your company. If she stays with you then shes going to be there at night to help with the baby. Let MIL have her few hours of play time with the baby during the day while your mom shops, cooks, gets her nails done or naps with you. As far as the delivery room goes and you don't want her in there just say your OB/Hospital limits who can be in there or your charge nurse can do it for you. Just ask her when you first get in there and they usually have a signal or something when you've had enough. When my dd was born I had 7 people who wanted to be in there...NO WAY was that going to happen. My sister was a charge OB nurse and I completely understand the "take charge" personality your talking about.
I sympathize with this sentiment, but at the same time, I think whoever is going to have the bleeding vag and exposed nipples in the days after delivery should dictate who they're most comfortable having around. I think too often it's forgotten that it's not just "seeing the baby" immediately after birth, but that it's a woman healing from childbirth.
If you were really sick with a stomach virus or just had surgery, would you want your MIL to come over and take care of you or your mom?