Please tell me the truth....

steelermama86 · March 2012

I am soooo SICK of people asking me what was I thinking having another baby so soon. WTH, they will be 21 months apart! I get told all my work with DD will go down the drain and that it is so much more harder with 2. Ok, I know that this is not going to be a walk in the park but, give me a break. I am starting to question myself and how it'll work. Not to mention the guilt I am feeling for DD. Sometime I just wish people would mind their own!

kcisthebombdotcom · March 2012

It will work out fine!

Honestly, waiting might have not made life any easier. I've known people that had an easy time with a 12 month gap and people who had a tough time with a 3.5 year gap. My SIL has 5 years between her kids and I think overall that's tougher (even though 2u2 is tougher in those first few years). 2 kids in 2 entirely different phases of life during childhood and having to manage those different needs seems challenging. You're also raising 2 only children.

It's really going to depend on the specific personalities of your kids and thats not something you can predict.

kagl08 · March 2012

I got all of these comments a lot too! It was so annoying and they also made me doubt myself a lot. My 2 are 13.5 months apart and I agree that the 1st 3 months were the hardest. It is getting a little easier. Sure it's not a walk in the park but I personally think that 2 kids 3-4 years apart would be harder. Like PP said you've got 2 kids it totally different interests. At least with my kids this close they will be into the same toys for awhile and hopefully have similar interests.

As for the guilt... I definitely had that! About 2-3 weeks after he was born it went away! I used to look at it as taking away from my DD but now I realize I have added to her life. She loves her baby brother so much and I have given her the greatest gift!

MammaBear81 · March 2012

I've gotten all of those comments as well, and my response is that "it's busier, not harder". It annoys me that people feel the need to tell me how many kids I have time for, but I do my best to shake it off, because that is all you can do. I don't comment that they must have all the time in the world because they only have ONE kid to take care of. People just need to mind their own business and think before they speak.

dale5689 · March 2012

It drove me CRAZY when people said it to me....like I was nuts for the close age gap (21 mos) and just like you, it made me doubt myself and my decision and I felt guilt my entire pregnancy over how it would affect my older daughter and how I would give her my attention and even questioned how I could love another child as much. Seconds after DD#2 was born it all went away and I know live with the guilt of not having enjoyed and embraced my pregnancy more. It's busier and sometimes harder but I wouldn't change it for the world. DD#1 adores her little sister and DD#2 already knows her big sis, she's 3 mos. I haven't found it to be as hard as I anticipated. No downtime for me but this time goes so fast that it's fine and I want to soak it all up. Don't doubt yourself, let what others say roll off your back and enjoy your pregnancy!!!!

sarahandeddiejune212008 · March 2012

I've been getting the same comments and they will be 22 months apart. I also have terrible guilt for DD #1. We didn't plan this pregnancy and I am terrified of how it will change my relationship with her.

CaitlinJ22 · March 2012

people can be really rude. Ive had some nasty comments this pregnancy and I laugh at them.

You will love that sweet baby as much as your first, and yes you will have moments of guilt but guilt is a waste of time. I would rather be spending time on my kids then feeling bad I didnt. you know?

you will be great.

AmandaP678 · March 2012

If I had a dollar for every time I heard " you have your hands full" I'd be on rich lady! I try and take it with a grain of salt. Yes, life is a lot more hectic, but I think it would be hectic even with a 6 year age gap. And like pp pointed out, I think it would be more of a challenge having a large age gap because they are in different stages of life. At least now they will probably be into the same things at the same time. You won't have to worry about the older one being bored at a baby park. If that makes sense.

It's not their decision or their life. I used to just say yea I'm crazy and leave it at that. good luck!

alabaster_angel · March 2012

People should absolutely keep their mouths shut.

But since you asked for the truth.. I wouldn't recommend a second one to anyone.

That's just me, though.

Monsieur_et_Madame_Ha · March 2012

I'm sorry mama. I have been in your shoes and it sucked. My mom was ALLLLL about regression and would tell me to prepare myself for it every chance she had. Well, we're almost 8 months in (and my girls are 21.5 months apart) and I'm still waiting to see any sign of regression in DD1.

Yes, I had to learn to deal with DD1 wanting my attention when I was nursing, and her wanting to party when I was trying to put the little one down for her nap, but it really wasn't that bad.

Unless those people want to offer a lending hand, they need to shut up and mind their own business.

psyck · March 2012

I have twins, so yes, I get all sorts of comments about having my hands full.

AB25840 · March 2012

I am so happy I read this and visited this board! My LO is 4 months old and we decided I will start trying when she is 1. I have had all these fears about having a second even though I am going to no matter what! Glad to see other people had same fears but once second baby was born it all went away!! Thanks!

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