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TTC After a Loss
KacyChicago
member
We lost our first (EDD 07/23/12) after finding out at 12 weeks there was no longer a heartbeat. Our rainbow was born 05/22/13 and was worth all we went through.
“So can you understand? Why I want a daughter while I’m still young? I wanna hold her hand and show her some beauty before all this damage is done. But if it’s too much to ask, it’s too much to ask … Then send me a son.” – Arcade Fire
Milestones Can Bite Me.
KacyChicago
member
(WARNING: I'm having a pity party, obviously, so I apologize in advance!)
I hate Thursdays.
Eight weeks ago today, we lost our baby via a Misoprostol-induced miscarriage at home. (After finding out there was no heartbeat at 12 weeks.) Every Thursday since then has found me down in the dumps, even if the rest of the week has gone by rather calmly. I try not to think about it much, because she's gone ... But today, it's all I can think about.
I would be 20 weeks ... I would be "half-baked" ...I would know for sure if my baby was a girl ...I would be feeling her kicks, her movements ... I would be getting to know her, her habits, her patterns ... I would know she was able to hear me now.
I think that's the thing that has got me down the most today, as I talked to her from the very beginning ... Knowing she could recognize my voice now has really got me in the gut. I hold out hope that there will be another baby for us to love eventually, both inside me, and hopefully on the outside. But today, today I ache for the one that we lost.
Sorry for the depressing post, and thanks for listening ladies. I've just been crying on/off at my desk today and I needed to get it out so I could pull myself together and get on with my day.
We lost our first (EDD 07/23/12) after finding out at 12 weeks there was no longer a heartbeat. Our rainbow was born 05/22/13 and was worth all we went through.
“So can you understand? Why I want a daughter while I’m still young? I wanna hold her hand and show her some beauty before all this damage is done. But if it’s too much to ask, it’s too much to ask … Then send me a son.” – Arcade Fire
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Milestones Can Bite Me.
We've all been there. Big hugs, and yes, milestones can suck it! Until, one day, you find that you are okay, and THAT is a great milestone. It took me months, but one day recently I discovered that I would go through the loss again just to know I had that little boy with me for the time that I did, and to know he is running around up in Heaven. Of course I wish he was here, but I wouldnt "undo" him for the world. It made me feel like I had finally gotten somewhere, kind of.
Big hugs!!! That is what we are here for.
Half-baked is a tough one. ^^^ You can never have too many kitten hugs.
BFP#1 10/1/2011. Our perfect little girl, Her heart stopped @ 12w1d. D&E 11/23/11
BFP#2 3/13/12 Weird CP/Possible EP @ 6w0d
BFP#3 5/28/12 CP @ 5w0d
BFP/WTF#4 10/26/12 CP
BFP#5 12/10/12 EDD 8/23/2013
I'm so sorry sweetheart.
I love Dee's pic so I'm "quoting" it for you. Big, furry, kitten hugs for you my dear.
***BFP 1-22-13, baby boy dx with Trisomy 13 at 15 weeks.
We let him go to Heaven on 4-27-13 at 17 weeks 1 day***
BFP #2 8/22/12 | EDD 5/5/13 | DS1 born 5/9/13
BFP #3 4/25/15 | EDD 1/7/16 | MMC 7/2/15 @ 13w1d | D&E 7/8/15
BFP #4 12/9/15 | EDD 8/22/16 | DS2 born 5/18/16 at 26w2d
Just keep swimming.
I hope today gets better for you. Wednesdays for me aren't really that bad anymore, its just another day now. I hope you can get to that point soon, but until then, vent and cry away. {{HUGS}}
Surprisingly, that cat hug helped a lot. It's too cute not to, so thanks for that. (And to everyone else who echoed the sentiment.)
Thank you ladies, all of you. It's hard to know you all understand how I feel, but I appreciate you all being there for me.
We lost our first (EDD 07/23/12) after finding out at 12 weeks there was no longer a heartbeat. Our rainbow was born 05/22/13 and was worth all we went through.
“So can you understand? Why I want a daughter while I’m still young? I wanna hold her hand and show her some beauty before all this damage is done. But if it’s too much to ask, it’s too much to ask … Then send me a son.” – Arcade Fire
Stick, baby, Stick!
Beta #1 (12dpo): 38.3; Beta #2 (15dpo): 202.7
Baby Girl born 1/17/13
12/1/11 BFP, missed m/c diagnosed @ 9w2d
My Blog: One Emerald
BFP#1: 9-13-11 EDD: 5-26-12 MMC: 11-4-11 D&C: 11-8-11
BFP#2: 7-6-12 Elizabeth Faye ("Zuzu") born 3-21-13