Tell your boss your TTC?

lobosabby · March 2012

so I need some imput on this one...I'm a little worried. My supervisor is a couple of years younger than me, she's been married a little longer, but we're basically in the same spot in our lives. We vaguely say stuff about TTC but I'm not 100% sure she's ready yet. I'm worried though because we are SEVERELY short staffed at work, and are on a hiring freeze. I know if/when I get KU, and go out on maternity leave, they are going to be in trouble. I know she wouldn't tell anyone, she's very good at keeping a secret. I feel like I should give her the heads up, but maybe not. Also, if we were out or KU at the same time, we'd be in even more trouble...what do ya'll think?

Ramble over. Sorry. Just a lot on my mind lately!

animalcrckr · March 2012

I would wait and worry about that until you are out of the the 1st trimester. That will give them enough time to figure out how to replace you, if needed, during maternity leave.

gplove94 · March 2012

Nope I wouldn't tell my employer about my TTC plans.

*BlackSheep* · March 2012

Hell no! I would never tell them that I was TTC.

Horse then Cart. They will deal with it when the time comes,don't worry yourself or others about it till the time comes. Also what if you don't get pg for a year. Just saying.

Edit~ I do wish you the best of luck with TTC. But all the other women that have been in this same situation and everything turned out fine.

Also you have to look out for you, if they found out you were ttc they may try to figure out a way to fire you so then they could bring in a new person that will not be taking so much time off.

Mrs.DeliaMarieP · March 2012

No, I would not actively tell my boss that we were TTC.

Most of my coworkers know, but that's only because I had a m/c a few months ago. If I had it my way, no one would know except for me and DH.

Whichever part of your first trimester you decide to tell her (during or after 1st tri) should still be plenty of time to get a game-plan together for coverage on your maternity leave.

lycih · March 2012

*BlackSheep*:

Hell no! I would never tell them that I was TTC.

Horse then Cart. They will deal with it when the time comes,don't worry yourself or others about it till the time comes. Also what if you don't get pg for a year. Just saying.

This. No need to involve them that early... you never know how long it could really take. Cross that bridge when you come to it; the circumstances at work could be completely different than they are now by the time it's an issue.

HenHen25 · March 2012

NO WAY. You don't know your bosses true intentions. What if she had to make staffing decisions? She may not want to deal with the hassle of pregnancy or maternity leave. You have no legal protections when TTC, she could use that against you. Once you are KU then you at least have some protections against being let go (they have to have some other reason than pregnancy). Wait until your pregnant than worry about it.

BG09 · March 2012

I wouldn't say anything because you never know how long it might take to get KU. And I would think that, as the pp suggested, if you told your employer once you're through the 1st tri they should have plenty of time to make arrangements for when you would be gone on maternity leave.

Allison546 · March 2012

I say no way!

jakraft837 · March 2012

Funny you mention this, DH and I just disucssed this last night. We both work for the same company and our boss keeps making hints about us getting pregnant. We believe she is just fishing.

we are not sure if we should confirm to her that we have been trying for close to a year now. I recently got a promotion and am the only person in my department. They have tossed around the idea of hiring someone else as an assistant for me and that can fill in for me when im out of the office. This person would most def need to be trained for a substantial amount of time before being able to handle things on their own and right now, im the only one that knows how to do what i do. We have been discussing telling the boss so they can start looking now, giving me ample time train before im off on materinity leave (espeically because dr said im a high risk pt and run the risk of being on bed rest towards end of pregnancy).

We decided that the next time the boss brings it up, we are going to let her know we are TTC. THis way, if they want to start the hiring process, they can be a little more aggressive in looking for someone. However, that is just what we think will work best for us given our work enviorment and the nature of what I do. I also know that my boss went thru IF treatment to try to getting pregnant and we don't fear there will be negative recourse if we say we are. Everyone here knows we love kids and I'm sure they are all waiting for us to come in and say we are expecting.

GL with your situation!

Mrs. Mo · March 2012

animalcrckr:
I would wait and worry about that until you out of the the 1st trimester. That will give them enough time to figure out how to replace you, if needed, during maternity leave.

Agreed. Why make the company worry about something when no one knows when it will happen? You could get pregnant next month or next year.

choppinbroccoli22 · March 2012

NO WAY!!!

That kind of honesty can get you passed up for promotions before you're even PG.

jenaw84 · March 2012

Guess I'm the only one. I work with 6 other people, so we're really close and I've been there for 2 1/2 years. In April, we will be married for a year so I've been getting the questions and I caved when someone asked. I'm not worried about them being short staffed or anything, but I also don't know how long this will take. Turns out, about a month after I told them we were trying, my manager is now not TTA and super excited about getting KU. Under those situations, your company will figure it out, but it's up to you if you want to tell them y'all are TTC.

Personally I wish I would have waited until I at least got pregnant and if everything went well that would be great, but at least they'd already know if they get a phone call that something happened, they'd understand and less explaining in the end. GL to you!

landosmommy · March 2012

My situation isn't exactly common I guess you could say. I am a dance teacher at a local dance studio that I used to take classes at when I was younger. There are only a handful of teachers & the owner has very few people she can rely on to teach. She asked a few weeks ago what classes I wanted to teach next year, I had to tell her that we were trying to have another baby & that I didn't see myself coming back next year to teach if I got PG. I thought it was necessary to let her know in advance what could happen so she could be prepared next year.

ETA: let me add that this job is not the bread maker of my family. LOL & isn't necessary for us & our budget/finances.

notquiteblushing · March 2012

Hell no. I'm not telling my boss until 20 weeks.

oliveoil695 · March 2012

Wow, there are a lot of factors there, but I still would not tell my employer that I am TTC. Although it sounds like she is your friend, in the end, she is your supervisor first. GL!

angelsnight · March 2012

I would absolutely never ever tell my boss we are TTC because she is a nosey old hag and what my husband and I do in our personal lives is none of her business.

That being said, even if I were in your situation, I still wouldn't tell. It isn't your responsibility to make sure they are covered when you are gone when the time comes. Announcing at the end of first tri still gives them plenty of time....most people only give a two week notice when quitting for good, giving a 6 months notice is plenty.

Besides, you have no idea how long it will take. Do you really want your boss and co-workers knowing (I know you think you can trust her, but people talk even if they had good intentions of keeping it secret) about your personal life? They wouldn't look into replacing you/getting someone to cover your work until much closer to your estimated leave time anyway, so telling her you're TTC is pointless IMO.

lobosabby · March 2012

Thanks all. I would say she's my "work friend." I am her right hand woman so I spend more time with her than even my husband! I worry that we'll both be gone at the same time, and I LOVE my job so I almost feel guilty about it. Worry that things will go horribly wrong on the off shot this situation happens. BUT ya'll are right - I shouldn't say a word until I get a BFP at the minimum! Thanks for slapping me with a dose of reality.

NoeliaV · March 2012

For a variety of reasons, I would almost-next-to-never tell anyone at work our TTC plans.

KansasFarmMomma · March 2012

To make it short and sweet, nope I wouldn't tell. You've gotten some good advice from the other ladies

angelsnight · March 2012

jenaw84:

Guess I'm the only one. I work with 6 other people, so we're really close and I've been there for 2 1/2 years. In April, we will be married for a year so I've been getting the questions and I caved when someone asked. I'm not worried about them being short staffed or anything, but I also don't know how long this will take. Turns out, about a month after I told them we were trying, my manager is now not TTA and super excited about getting KU. Under those situations, your company will figure it out, but it's up to you if you want to tell them y'all are TTC.

Personally I wish I would have waited until I at least got pregnant and if everything went well that would be great, but at least they'd already know if they get a phone call that something happened, they'd understand and less explaining in the end. GL to you!

I know everyone's experience is different, but the fear of miscarrying still isn't really a reason to tell. I called off work the morning I miscarried, just told my boss I wasn't feeling well and that was that. Technically I could have gone in, it was just like a regular period, but I was way too upset and emotional to handle being at work. Nobody knew I was pregnant, nobody knew I miscarried. Obviously everyone is free to do what they want, but it's my opinion that fear of a miscarriage is even more reason not to say anything as they don't need to know.

RayRay007 · March 2012

No way jose!

hopingwaiting · March 2012

Hell no. It can take a while to get pregnant. You can have a loss and then take a while to get pregnant again. Even if it happens quickly it can affect promotions and other opportunities. It is none of their business. The human gestational period is long; they have a good six months to figure things out if you tell them right out of first tri. Even if you wait until you're obviously showing, they still have months to figure things out.

Daiz813 · March 2012

HenHen25:
NO WAY. You don't know your bosses true intentions. What if she had to make staffing decisions? She may not want to deal with the hassle of pregnancy or maternity leave. You have no legal protections when TTC, she could use that against you. Once you are KU then you at least have some protections against being let go (they have to have some other reason than pregnancy). Wait until your pregnant than worry about it.

This 100%. Do not get yourself into a situation where they cut you now before you get pregnant!

mrskitton · March 2012

Aww hell no!!! I would never tell them....although I think they suspect something since I have been missing alot of work due to tests, appointments, U/S, etc....

peanutmuse · March 2012

I think PPs pretty much covered it, so all I want to add is HELL.TO.THE.NO.

elizabethtaylor944 · March 2012

Heck no! I'm pretty easily replaceable at work but there's no way I'd tell my superiors about TTC. It's taken longer than I thought it would and I'm not even sure what I'd say. Every way of phrasing that conversation boils down to "I'm having unprotected sex with my husband."

MiniSteph · March 2012

I would not tell my boss that we are TTC. He'd look at me funny and probably say something like thanks for sharing?....

I don't think it's necessary to tell your boss.

MamaSquish · March 2012

NO WAY!

Mrs.Syntax · March 2012

There is no way I'd tell my supervisor. Finding a temp to replace you is something she can deal with when the time comes.

Bubbalub · March 2012

There's no way in hell I would tell my boss or my company that I was TTC.I wouldn't tell them until well into the 2nd trimester, if possible.

On a similar note, I am currently looking for a job and I also would never mention that we are TTC in an interview. I mentioned in an interview for a job that I really, really wanted that I was getting married soon (this was almost 2 years ago) and I seriously believe they hired someone else because it was a contract position that would end shortly before my wedding and they were concerned I wouldn't be at my best.

LiteraryFoodie · March 2012

oliveoil695:
Wow, there are a lot of factors there, but I still would not tell my employer that I am TTC. Although it sounds like she is your friend, in the end, she is your supervisor first. GL!

This. Also if you say that your company/office is small I would also look into what your maternity care and leave would be and what if any accommodations would be available when you return (can your hours be flexible, is there a place to pump if you want, CAN you take breaks to pump).

A contributing factor as to why I decided to turn down a promotion and become a homemaker was because no one in the organization I worked for had ever been pregnant before, so they had ZERO maternity or pregnancy policy. Since the organization already seriously over worked it's employees, I had very little confidence that an adequate maternity policy would be created, if I stayed and we decided to start a family while I was still working there.

Julie581 · March 2012

I work from home so this isn't an issue for me at all. However, since I've started my clomid and watched my moods just spiral out of control I know I would've had to tell my boss about it at my old job. They would've known something was up when I spent hours in the bathroom crying or decked someone for not doing their job right. It wouldn't have been pretty at all. I'm amazed my husband is able to put up with me most days.

lifeisbetteronthered · March 2012

Not only would I never tell my "boss" that we are TTC, I'm deathly scared that anyone at work finds out. Last night after everyone else was gone I was checking out TB boards. Driving home at midnight I couldn't remember if I had closed the browsing window when I was called to the ER earlier, and actually turned around to make sure that no one would find it.

I'm the only woman in my field in the province (Canada, eh), most of the secretaries are women, but they would never use that computer.

I still hear the "boys" say stupid things like "having a baby during residency is easy, I had 2 of them" (note: they did not take paternity leave).

Canada has wonderful parental leave laws (1 year, for any combination of parents i.e. mom can take the year, or dad can take the year, or they can each take 6 months back to back or together, all while being paid a percentage of your salary with most companies topping it up for at least a couple of months). Sadly there is no way I will be able to make full use of it. I'll be lucky if I get my full top-up period (17 weeks).

The scariest thing about getting KU (which we aren't yet) is telling the other docs in my department. They will be disappointed. I got a sit down talk from the head of the department about was it meant for my career when I got engaged. I can't imaging the talk I'll get when I tell them we're expecting.

The world may have progressed, but I assure you that the world of surgery has not gotten very far out of the 50s when it comes to these things. Good thing I love my job.

curlylocks3 · March 2012

Absolutely not. If we're still on a hiring freeze when I deliver my coworkers will be in a tight spot. I'm still not saying a word about TTC- thats not their business.

Want a personalized experience?

Tell your boss your TTC?

Re: Tell your boss your TTC?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards