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Blended Families
hterry85
member
The great name debate continues....
hterry85
member
Back story as refresher or for anyone who doesn't know: DH and BM were never married, custody (joint) was established when SS was 7 months old, and DH took BM to court to get SS last name hyphonated. SS is now 5 and in Pre K.
Fast forward to this past fall at parent teacher conferences (I posted about all of this at the time) SS teacher informed us that SS was doing well writing his first name and that they were moving on to taching his last name...but we're only going to teach BMs half. We were given this load of crap about it being shorter/easier (both names are short and easy) and since he had a (half) brother in the school it would be more recognizable to him. DH and I were both in shock at the time and made it known we weren't happy, but didn't protest. As it sank it DH emailed the teacher the next day with a long explaination why this was not ok and that SS should be learning his full last name. Teacher agreed, end of story.
Or so we thought...spring parent teacher conferences were last night. The teacher was showing all the things SS has been doing. Every day they trace and then write their name, she dates and saves a half full through out the year so we can see the progress, so there were a hand full with him writing his full last name. But the last one (dated 3/6, the day before our conference) only had BMs last name on it. She said that she was instructed by her principal to again only teach BMs name. Um, 'scuse? Now, I could tell this was very uncomfortable for her and she was simply spitting back out what she was told and didn't fully understand it herself (again, she is a first year teacher) But what she said was..."It's my understanding that SS was born out of wedlock. What my princpial said is that when a child is born our of wedlock the decisions on these issues defer to the mother" Yeah, she really said that!!
Now, if you'll remember back to open house, they wouldn't even tell us who SS teacher was or if he was in AM or PM prek until DH provided the paper work showing he had joint legal, so they have copies of all of that info on file! We made it clear to her that was not accurate, but she admitted she didn't know how it worked and advised us to get in contact with the principal since it was coming from him.
We picked SS up after that to take him out to dinner. We wern't even going to mention the whole thing to him. We were just sitting there going through the papers with him that she set home when we came across the ones where SS had written his name. SS told us all on his own that his teacher says he can't write "DHs last name" anymore. We didn't press the issue and just told SS to do whatever his teacher says, but poor SS looked so confused and DH just looked heartbroken.
*sigh* So DH will be making some phone calls today. The only problem with a laywer is that his isn't there anymore. He left probably a year ago because of medical problems. So he can still call that office and probably talk to/set up an appointment with someone. But he no longer has someone he can call up that knows the case.
FX this gets cleared up soon. In the fall it's off to kindergarden where the teacher just happens to be the principals wife....
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Re: The great name debate continues....
I'm not a legal eagle by any stretch of the imagination, nor am I "sue" happy, but that right there sounds like a clear cut case an attorney needs to address ASAP!!!
How DARE they! "Born out of wedlock"---your DH must have nerves of steel not to have flipped out when they said that. Like that is ANY of their business or matters AT ALL?!!?!?!? Holy Moly---It's SS's NAME for crying out loud.
Please keep us updated and call that attorney! I'm SO sorry for your SS and you and DH! That's AWFUL!
You have no idea how much I agree with all of you! lol We're not talking about a 7th grade math test where SS was lazy and only wrote one last name...the school is actually telling a child he can't learn part of his name!
I'm still trying to pick my jaw up off the floor, and I just can't do it.
DH has the phone numbers for the principal and the superintendent. I guess we'll start there.
Is it the school or does BM have something to do with it? I can't figure out why the school would care.
What would come over a principle to interject himself into the proceedings of a classroom, single a child out and cut half his name away?
Its bizarre at the very least.
If his legal name (ie what is on the SS card) is Jones-Ward, then the school is obligated to teach his legal name.
This has nothing to do with who has legal custody, how custody is shared, etc. This has EVERYTHING TO DO WITH WHAT THE FEDERALLY RECOGNIZED LEGAL NAME IS.
And yes, I would be AT the principal's office - NOT CALLING and while there I would let her know that you are going to be contacting the superiintendent as soon as you leave the building, no matter what today's outcome is BECAUSE you have already addressed the LEGALITLIES with her and the teacher and she has ignored them TWICE now.
Ah HELL NO!
I'm in shock. I can't believe that they would say this. I think the school should get in some sort of trouble.
On a side note....did your siggy picture used to be of just DD and you in the background holding her up? (When I first started on this board I remembered you all by the siggy not the name) I may be way off but if I remember correctly it's the same backgroud story. All this time I was wondering what happend to you and here you have been this whole time. LOL
Well, BM is the one who caused a stink about it back in the fall. So my best guess is she didn't know DH also caused a stink and got them to teach both last names (and for this I fault the school...if one parent brings an issue they need to be discussing it with BOTH parents, even if it's seperately) So since the change is so recent, we think she just had her conference and saw SS was writing both and had a conniption fit.
I honestly don't remember what picture I had last lol But I think we do have one like that so that was probably me! I haven't posted much lately because there just hasn't been much to post about. But if I get around to it I'll be changing it again today (or soon) so don't get too used to it
This! Definitely schedule an appointment with the principal. Tell him/her that if this is not remedied that you will be meeting with the superintendent. If that doesn't work, bring it up at a school board meeting.
im in a technical mood today...
DH and BM have legal paperwork with SS FULL name on it after the court case, since the school already put up a big stink about giving DH access, shouldn't this be one of the papers they have access to?
if BM stepped in and got involved, she had to have had proof in order for a principal to get involved on such a miniscule subject with one individual child.
shame on the principal for not addressing the issue with DH, before telling the child he couldn't write DHLASTNAME on his papers as well.
DH needs to not only call the principal but show up with his supporting documentation. and I agree a call needs to be made to the superintendent as far as the principals failure to contact you with the issue if BM really did make a big deal out of this.
wow that was all over the place, sorry. I'm infuriated FOR you! sounds like something our BM/ school distrcit would do.
We gave them a current copy of his BC and the document showing the name change the same time we gave the the CO
First I think this whole thing is insane and crazy that BM is doing this but is there a reason DH is not talking to be about this? I would have him call her and ask if she feels the need to involve lawyers in something the judge already decided. But I have a feeling I am forgetting something.
It wouldn't do any good. She would call him a bunch of names, hang up on him, and claim that his was harassing her.
I don't see how they could tell him that he can't use his legal name... It's LEGAL.
DH adopted DS this summer, but the paperwork didn't get finalized until October. At school, they had DS as Cxxx in the system because I couldn't get them to use the new name until I came in with the name change paper & adoption order. You can't just do things like that without proper paperwork.
I say go to the superintendant. They didn't do what they were supposed to do.