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Stay at Home Moms
Anyone else want to have another LO but can't, but not
due to being unable to do so physically, but for other reasons? I know that IF sucks SO bad, and not being able to conceive again is horrible... but are there some of you that would LOVE to have another one but it isn't possible for other reasons?
My H only wanted one child, I knew this before we got married. I really felt like once we had one he would change his mind... but so far it's a no-go. I swear I would try to "make it happen" without his consent, but I am apparently infertile, so I don't guess there is any way to sneak him to fertility treatments.... eh?
I'm SO thankful for Hadley, so much so... but I desperately want her to have a sibling (or four). I want to be able to just stop thinking about it and just put it out of my mind, but I don't know how to make that happen.
Anyone else in the same boat?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Anyone else want to have another LO but can't, but not
DS 3.12.08
DD 7.11.09
DD 8.01.13
Hmm. I think sneaking in a pregnancy or the desire to if you were able is pretty sketchy.
When I married DH, I knew he didn't want a big family but did want kids, which to me, meant 2. So we had 2. And after Olivia, a tiny part of me wanted a 3rd but I wasn't totally sold on it. I think if I were TOTALLY sold on the idea, I could have convinced DH. But his firmness in his decision that 2 was enough convinced me that 2 was enough and I'm happy with our choice.
I loved being an only child. I can appreciate that you want more children, but don't feel like you're depriving her of anything by not having more children!
That's my H's point... he loved being an only child. I couldn't imagine my life without having my sister growing up, so maybe that's where we're seeing differently? Makes sense... I just wish I could give up the desire to have another one.
Maybe when we no longer have the clients living with us and can start foster care (which is my lifelong plan) that will fill that void, the feeling that I need to be doing more.
I am not in the same boat... but I can kindof understand. My husband and I always said we wanted a big family (because both of us come from huge families and just can't imagine it any other way). I remember one time he said he wasn't so sure, and maybe only wanted two kids, and I was pretty upset.
I would just give it time... maybe your husband will decide he wants another little one once Hadley is a little older. You never know. I have always been one to think "Whatever is supposed to happen, will." Obviously not everyone feels like that, but it takes off some of that stress.
P.s.. Hadley is ADORABLE.
My mom's friend fostered and she ended up adopting or staying in touch with a lot of her kids. H and I have talked about fostering in the future with the idea of finding a child to adopt. Is your H on board with foster care- because technically, I see those children as being part of your family, still. KWIM?
I would love a 3rd. When we married, I wanted 1 child and DH wanted 3. Then we had DD and he wanted 1 and I wanted 3. Now, we have 2. I would love a 3rd, but DH definitely would not, and I have a spinal injury that is complicated by childbirth, so it would be very difficult for the first 2 years, like I would need full time help difficult or have to have major spine surgery before getting pregnant that takes a significant time to heal from, and I would not be able to care for current kids during that time. So two it is!
The what ifs will always be just that. I have come to accept that and enjoy the kids I do have.
I think that when Hadley gets older, your DH may feel differently. It took some time to get DH on board with TTC #2 but, once DS grew older and less dependent on us, DH started catching baby fever around other friends with younger children.
DH is happy with 2 kids and I guess I am, too. I'd love one more but, I've had rough pregnancies and I don't think I could physically do it again.
put it on the backburner for now.
My friend's DH only wanted one, but now that their DD is 2 he is on board with another. He may change his mind with time.
I would readdress the issue in another year or so. Most people regardless if they want to have more LOs arent really thinking of another when they still have an infant. With the exception of my DH and I. We're crazy. LOL.
I actually had the opposite problem. Right after my 2nd was born DH wanted a 3rd right away. I told him he was out of his mind. Then a month or so before DDs first birthday I wanted another one and he didnt. Right now we're both kind of on board with 1 more, but that could change next week. LOL we're indecisive.
Yes, I do understand. My DH wanted only one child. He too is an only child. Now that DD is older he is the one trying to change my mind about more kids lol!
His initial reasoning (and now mine) was that we can give DD more as an only. I come from a huge loud family. I love the peace and quiet of our smaller family!
I think if one of us really felt strongly, we could convince the other. I think deep down we are both content with DD. Now if DH starts really trying to convince me, I could get on board.
One thing that I remember my mom saying is to picture your family in 20 years. Baby years are such a short period in a life. Get your Dh to imagine Christmas 20 years from now. Is he okay with just the 2 of you, Hadley and maybe her partner, boyfriend, etc? Or do you both imagine lots of kids and their significant others, a full house? Just something to think about!
Yes I'd love for one more. It's not a closed door at this point but it's def. not in the immediate future. We did IVF to get pregnant with the twins, chances are very slim that we'd get pregnant on our own without it.
It's something I think about often as well, and I haven't figured out how to not think about it just yet. I think it's worse because it's not a closed door, maybe if I knew we weren't having more it would be different but I don't know.
I can physically have all the babies I want. I got pregnant with this one by surprise.
However, I have a 50/50 chance of handing on 2 different genetic conditions. When we had DS I was only aware of the one, it causes bone tumors and luckily i have a mild case so we decided to chance it. I've lived with it my whole life and only been mildly impacted.
DS was born with special needs. We did lots of testing, CT Scans, MRI's, lumbar punctures, bloodwork, more blood work, more blood work. We went to a geneticist in June (he was 1). They said there is a possibility of this one test to run but it will take 4 months to come back. At 3 months they told us it would take 6 months. The chance of him having this diagnosis was minimal and we found out we were pregnant. The next day his test came back positive for this mutation.
4 weeks later they told me I'm a carrier. All boys have a 50/50 chance of having it. It causes mental retardation, vision loss, hearing loss, seizures, tone issues, agenisis of the corpus callosum, agenisis of the cerebellum among other issues. All girls have a 50/50 chance of receiving the gene but have a good chance of only being a carrier. I am a de novo mutation for both issues (meaning my DNA is mutated, I didn't receive it from either of my parents).
This is our miracle baby (it's a boy and we didn't do any genetic testing so we'll find out at delivery if he has our mutation). I never wanted 2 kids, I always wanted 5 but I can't take this gamble.
I don't think I could put my body through IVF while having 2 kids, especially one that has special needs. And there is no guarantee that PGD is 100%.
Well, I would certainly never trick my husband into having a baby. That never ends well.
But we are on the verge of being one and done and not entirely by choice. After 2 miscarriages we're not sure we can handle another one. We're doing some testing to see if we can determine the reason for my losses and then we'll make a final decision.
It took us over 2 years to conceive DS so he might just be our one miracle baby.
The plan, as of right now, is to have one more. We're still a bit undecided on this though. We keep wavering back and forth on when to start TTC again if we decide to have one more. I guess we'll see what happens. I'm the one who's hesitant, LOL.
This for me too. I am an only child and that's why I definitely wanted more than one.
I feel so bad for those couples that are on the same page with family planning and then one changes their mind for some reason or another. But I mean- you knew he only wanted one when you got married... you really can't be upset at all. Well, I mean- you CAN be upset and can't help you're feelings, but you really have no right to complain. KWIM?
Same here. It is a big reason I want a 3rd.
I think it's natural that if you liked your childhood a specific way you'd try to replicate it, or vice versa.
I was an only child and hated it, DH had big gaps between siblings and they were never close, so we both wanted kids close in age because we had others around us growing up who loved growing up that way.
I also have a few friends who were only children that are having only children themselves. I know there's a few moms on the 2u2 board who specifically had 2u2 because they grew up that way and loved it.