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Wow, is exh reading my posts?

SigirSigir member
in Blended Families

Because I could swear that he is!  Got another hate-filled email from exh about 2012 - 2013 work related child care.  In this one, his angle was 'is your new baby going to be in so much daycare, like you are now subjecting dc to'?  Needless to say it hit on a sensitive area for me, given I was thinking about dc and fairness already (see my post from earlier today).  It's so well-related to my earlier post, that I wonder if he is reading my posts on here!  Anyway, needless to say I got upset about it.  When will I get to a place that his emails roll off my back?  I think dh is a little frustrated when these emails upset me so much... I guess it's just that 15+ year history of being submissive to exh that is so hard to break.

It's so hard to not respond back and defend myself, I just feel like I should be defending myself.  

I am going to speak to the lawyer about these emails being abusive and how to try to stop them, because they drip with sarcasm and hate... don't know if I will get anywhere, but we'll see.  

When is life going to be easy?  

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Re: Wow, is exh reading my posts?

  • mom2onemom2one member
    My son is 9 (and we divorced when DS was 6 wks old) and I still have incredible amounts of anxiety in dealing with my ex. I feel your pain. It's tough on my DH too. :-(
    Stay at Home Mama to 3 Beautiful Children by the miracles of Birth & Adoption
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  • hterry85hterry85 member
    How much/little your next LO is in daycare is none of your exs business, and I would politely remind him of this.
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  • Holly_1007Holly_1007 member

    If I were you, I would have your attorney send him a letter saying you will not longer enterain email communication.  all communication needs to go through council. He is bullying you, and you do not need or deserve it!

    BM just pulled this card on us.  we weren't harrassing her, we merely caught her in a lie and she couldn't handle it so she now refuses to talk to us at all. 

                           
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  • WahooWahoo member
    imageholly71087:

    If I were you, I would have your attorney send him a letter saying you will not longer enterain email communication.  all communication needs to go through council. He is bullying you, and you do not need or deserve it!

    This.  He is using his tie to you through your son to get to you.  You don't deserve it!

    And I agree with the PP - how you care for your DC is none of his business!!! 

    Do not even answer this email.  It is none of his business, and he doesn't need to insert himself where he does not belong.  Don't feed the crazy!

    image "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
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  • PhantomgirlPhantomgirl member

    If you respond with any information about your DC then YOU are making your child his business.  Dont reply!

    Remember the saying 'don't argue with crazy, a bystander can't tell the difference'.

    It will get easier with time and practice.  Start today - practice ignoring his emails.

    Don't even bother your attorney.

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  • FutureMrsWittigFutureMrsWittig member

    If your H doesn't like seeing you upset, ask him to help you.  Can you set it up so all e-mails from ExH go into a different folder in your e-mail?  Then have DH read them and give you the gist.  Then you two together can decide if it's worth a response.

    I  know you are concerned that your Ex will use a lack of response against you, but refusing to sink to his level and allow him to upset you doesn't make you a bad mom.  Save the e-mails in case you need them for court, but otherwise don't put all that additional stress on yourself.  You don't deserve it.

    When he gets to you he gets what he wants. 

    Mama of 2: one who grew in my womb, both who grow in my heart.
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  • RhennaRhenna
    I had this problem with my exh.  I would be in tears after getting emails from him because he was constantly attacking me and blaming me for his life, starting fights with me and just going off on tangents that were in no way related to our child.  It took a while but I finally got to the point that I just ignore him completely and respond only about our child and I make it as direct and short as possible.  Eventually he stopped and now only emails or communicates the same way.  And I did at one point print out all of his emails and go to my attorney and nothing really came from that route.
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  • SueBearSueBear member

    Have you gotten therapy?  A good therapist may provide you with tools of dealing with your ex and not getting so emotional (or at least dealing with your own emotions).

    I would only answer questions that directly deal with your DC, and really those issues should only be about finance / expenses and pickup times.  There is no way you need to discuss custody / schools over email.  Of course, ask your lawyer to be sure.  Make sure your exH is in the loop and can contact the teacher / school for any questions he may need.  If he has legal access to report cards, etc. then you don't need to deal with that.  Really, if your H thinks that your child is failing math b/c you are such a bad mother, then he can hire a tutor ON HIS OWN TIME.  You don't need to "solve" any problems that your H feels your son has unless you feel the same way. 

    You do not need to debate with him.  You might even respond with "your email has been received" and not respond.   I would personally CC my current H every time, so your ex knows that your current spouse is part of the loop and has your  back - - also that his emails are not "private" because you and your H are a family.  Your ex cannot control who you CC. 

    If it makes you feel better, your ex is sending these emails b/c he has a problem letting go of you.  He has not moved on and is not healthy.  It is a sign of personal weakness on his part that he is writing you and has time on his hands to write these things.  I mean really - he needs to get a life!!! 

    Also, if you think he is reading your posts, change your screen name!  Also, not that I want to "chase you away" but I think cafemom also has a blended family board, so you might want to post some things there.

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  • SigirSigir member

    Thanks everyone for your feed back.  You are all so right and I am trying to be strong... it's progress, not perfection I tell myself.  I really appreciate you all reading my posts and giving your opinion.

    My lawyer has suggested to just respond with facts so that is what I have been doing.  

    imageSueBear:

    Have you gotten therapy?  A good therapist may provide you with tools of dealing with your ex and not getting so emotional (or at least dealing with your own emotions).

    You know, I was in therapy for a long time during the end of the marriage and a few years after the divorce.  I have not been in therapy since I started standing up to exh.  After posting my last post and going through that, I am starting to think that maybe I need it.  I think I might call my EAP and set something up, even for a few sessions.  Thanks.

     

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