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Blended Families
Amanda88
member
She came after almost 11 months...
Amanda88
member
BM showed up just before 6 to pick up SS. Due to our nearing court date we are being forced to give up possession despite our fears of what may happen. She showed up without a proper car seat. She had a booster for our three year old who is under 40 pounds. No back, nothing to lower the adult shoulder strap. 
I told her that he needed a five point harness system because in Texas it is against the law for him to travel that way and that it wasn't safe for him. She refused to leave him here and then come get him again after she got a proper car seat. I called the police, but I don't think they got a chance to stop them before they got to her apt. I have a feeling she didn't go get a proper seat, so now I have to have the police come out when she returns him. Just in case she has decided to still not get the proper seat. Worst part... when I opened the door SS asked.. "WHO IS THAT???" I had to convince him it was his BM. He seemed nervous. Hopefully she isn't making him feel bad. I want to vomit. It all makes me sick with worry. My DH and I are pretty sure she doesn't have a bed for him... ugh.
I told her that he needed a five point harness system because in Texas it is against the law for him to travel that way and that it wasn't safe for him. She refused to leave him here and then come get him again after she got a proper car seat. I called the police, but I don't think they got a chance to stop them before they got to her apt. I have a feeling she didn't go get a proper seat, so now I have to have the police come out when she returns him. Just in case she has decided to still not get the proper seat. Worst part... when I opened the door SS asked.. "WHO IS THAT???" I had to convince him it was his BM. He seemed nervous. Hopefully she isn't making him feel bad. I want to vomit. It all makes me sick with worry. My DH and I are pretty sure she doesn't have a bed for him... ugh.
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Re: She came after almost 11 months...
GIve up "possession"??
Granted BM sounds a little scary, and it would kill me too, but you need a better choice of words. This is a kid. Not the living room furniture.
I live in Texas too and "possession" is what it is called in our CO.
I feel so sad for your SS. How sad for him to not even know who she really is and have to go with her.
Possession is how it is worded in our court order. You do not have to make callous remarks. It is NOT appropriate or helpful.
I am required to allow her to take him without interfering. She had already started putting him in the car, and when she was blocking my view of him I got a little curious as to why she was trying to block my view. With all the lies BM has been spouting to the judge I had been advised to leave it to the police and not get involved. I called the police and they looked for her. I don't know if she was pulled over, but the officer I talked to told me to have an officer here when she brings him back on Sunday. If she doesn't have the proper car seat then she will be in trouble. Everything with her is drama. I would have had to physically remove SS from her clutches... next time I will inspect prior to letting him go out the door with me.
This.
As in, "No, you cannot enter my home, OR physically take this child, without a proper car seat." Being said WHILE dialing 911.
Only in theory. I mean, yes, on paper you are required to do so. BUT you (and any adult "parent" figure really) is also required by law to not ignore/neglect that child's safety. So yes, you would have been completely within your rights and legal obligations to prevent her from taking him and call the police to resolve the matter.
Texas? Ah, well that explains alot.
They must have changed it because my husband's paperwork for SD does not have this terminology. I'd remember that.
make sure you put the call in to the local police atleat an hour-2 hours before her estimated drop off time- things can get hectic when police are involved and you definitely need to make sure this is documented by the police, it is possible she would only be facing a fine but a police report will go a long way in a court case.
also if you are concerned she doesn't have a bed for the child, make a call to CPS, they will go to her apartment and make sure it is fit for a 3 year old. legally, the child needs a bed. doesn't matter if its in the kitchen, or if its a pullout couch, he needs a bed.
I want to ditto calling CPS for a well-being check. Good luck.
And i'm sure that's true, but the way i feel, I'd GLADLY spend time in jail if it meant I prevented my child (or my stepchild) from being placed in a dangerous situation.
And i'm sure that's true, but the way i feel, I'd GLADLY spend time in jail if it meant I prevented my child (or my stepchild) from being placed in a dangerous situation.
I understand where your coming from! I would do the same thing. I agree with the person who said DOCUMENT EVERYTHING! It's so VERY true! She can receive a fine for the child seat violation....my husband doens't mess around with those laws. He will write a citation for that!
If you keep having police there it will help you in court...it also helps if you go to your local police station and ask for a copy of the "call slip" I know in Texas it takes 10 business days to recieve it but it would totally be worth it!
I don't live in TX. I live in TN, and our papers also say "possession of the minor child." It does sound bad, doesn't it?
As for everything else, the ladies pretty much have it covered.
I am a SM acting as a primary parental figure, as well. BM rarely sees SD anymore and is unsafe and unreliable. It is not legal for me to interfere with the biological parents, but in the case of the immediate safety of the child, I would be within by rights as a citizen (whether or not involved in the family) to hold the child/parent there until police authority could arrive and deal with the matter.
I have also done this at work when I noticed a customer had several children unrestrained in a car. In general, as long as you are really acting in the protection of the child, a judge will not hold it against you. Allowing the child to leave without proper restraint could even come back on you in the case of an accident. Ordinarily, it is important to "pick your battles," but in this case I would have done it differently.
But good thing that you are taking measures to prepare for her return.
Good luck.
I will definitely go to the police station and get the call slips. My SS made it home safe, but she didn't get a dang car seat. We live in the country and the police refused to come out here. They claimed they didn't have jurisdiction. When she shows up next time she will not be getting him, and I will call the police when she shows up. They can write me a citation. I really could not care less.
Fool me once shame on you... fool me twice shame on me.
I was so livid when she pulled up I was shaking when I saw he didn't have the right seat. And of course SS came home sick and exhausted. DH and I will be on the phone with our lawyer in the morning concerning this past weekends incident.
Even worse my DH texted her about the car seat and she told him her booster (no back) was appropriate for SS who is under 4 and under 40lbs. I told him to tell her she is not being truthful and to send her a snap shot of Texas car seat laws. He did and her response was, "I don't care. OK! He's big enough!! take it up with your lawyer."
How can you blatantly disregard the law, put your son in danger AND THINK YOU ARE GOING TO GET FULL CUSTODY?? You move constantly. You are always fighting with your H and cheating on him and vice versa. PLUS YOU WON'T WORK TO HELP SUPPORT YOUR FAMILY AND NEITHER WILL YOUR H!!!!! GAHHH!!! Dear Wizard of Oz... please oh please drop a house on this witch!
Thank you everyone... I feel the need to punch something. Y'alls advice has been a God send. Again, thanks!
Well with DH's experience, the mother's always got custody even if they were alcoholics, used drugs, let their child run free, and moved alot. Hopefully Texas has changed considerably in the last 15 - 20 years, but I have found that state is lacking and favors the mother in most cases. I hope that is not the case in your situation.
As for them not coming out - I am not surprised. I take BIG issues with the law enforcement and criminal system in that state. I think some cities and jurisdictions are corrupt and they have their priorities all wrong in my opinion.
Sorry I got on your case about the "possession" comment - obviously I think Texas has that all wrong too - but I hope this works out in your SS's favor. Fight like hell for him - as I am sure you will.
Is this generally the case even if DH is the custodial parent? She willingly gave this right up years ago. She also has not completed anything that the judge ordered when the CO was set in place. SS has lived with DH his entire life. He has so much going for him here. I pray the judge sees he would suffer if he were removed from his regular routine.
I don't understand why they didn't tell me they couldn't/wouldn't come out on Friday. I was throughly annoyed to say the least. I've never lived any other place than Texas, but it doesn't surprise me that Texas hasn't progressed with the times.
Thanks