Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Jmollo28
member
Re: 9 year old question
Yes to snacks...don't buy crap. No to tv...set times and limits are appropriate.
My children were able to get snacks for themselves at 9. I think it's old enough to know if she's hungry and if you feel she doesn't choose good snacks there should be available and appropriate snacks for her to choose from. (have a cupboard filled with things that would be ok and if she needs to she can pick from there)
My kids were allowed to turn on the TV and watch it at 9 years old. They knew how to use the tv and could choose shows they wanted to watch. I don't see a problem with it unless she is watching a lot of TV. I was never very far away so I could make sure the choice of show was always appropriate. (but they only wanted to watch cartoons then anyway, so it was a choice a several cartoon netowrks)
I think 9 is well old enough to make those choices within normal limits. (If she decided 10pm is a good time to watch I would obviously stop that)
EDIT I wanted to add that TV time was limited if they tried to watch too much but they were able to choose when to watch within reason.
My SS is 8 and lives with us. He has a normal "snack time" when he gets home from school, he gets a snack. There are only healthy things to choose from, so he makes good choices. On a weekend or day off of school he will wander in and say "I'm hungry". If it is not close to a mealtime I will tell him to find a snack. Again, he finds his own.
He does not turn on the tv by himself unless he asks permission. Luckily he is not a big tv watcher (he would rather play with toys or play outside) but DH and I agree this is something that should be asked first.
You are this little girls mother! Why would a nine year old have to ask if she can watch TV, or have a snack in her own home?
My DS and SD aren't as old as yours, but they ask for snacks/tv time. We don't like it when they open the fridge and stand there in front of it, so we make sure that they ask me/DH if they'd like something. The snacks in my cupboard are mostly healthy, but there are a few treats in there as well. If I'm not going to get them something from the fridge, I'll go and pick them something, or they can choose something healthy (but run it by me before opening). I will always feed them when they're hungry, but I like to know why they're not eating their supper an hour later.
As for tv, we're not big tv watchers to begin with, though I guess the tv is always on at SD's house. I get them to ask first because if they have a huge mess in their rooms, that has to be cleaned before the tv comes on.
Basically, it's my house, my rules. I learned that from my dad. I never thought I'd be so much like him, but I was really paying attention while growing up. Lol
She never said that her SD wasn't allowed to have a snack in her own home. Just that she'd like her to ask permission. It's ok that you don't agree, but relax.
As you can see by the responses, there is no real answer.
The first question you have to answer for yourself, is WHY you want her to ask for permission. Once you get to the why, you can figure out the solutions to her behaviors.
For me personally, 9 is that wonderful age where they want more freedoms, but arent ready to understand why some freedoms are nor permissiable yet...and they will fight you on it JUST BECAUSE.
So why not put reasonable limits to her freedoms.
1) She can get a snack between the times X and Y and she can only choose from her very own snack box (then you get/make a variety of individual, healthy serving size snacks to choose from), . She can feel her independence, but its tempered with reasonalble timing.
2) Same thing with TV. The tv is open to her from A to B in the morning before school and C to D right after school. But ONLY those times.
Here is the thing, you need to sit her down and explain the reasons (at her level) why you are now setting the limits ex Snacks need to be regulated to not interfere with her main meals, and tv AND quiet time needs to be available for everyone, not just her.
AND you tell her that as she ages, her times/snacks will increase.
Finally, you have to provide reasonable punishments if she breaks the new rules. ANd they need to be upfront. Snack without asking - no snacks (if you have to lock the cubboards do it) the next day. TV without asking - no tv the next day. Be consistant and calm and eventually you will create a new habit.
We have cable TV with all the channels at out house. BM does not. SS will often run in by me and flick on TV. Not only does he not ask he often forgets to say 'hi'.
Honestly its just kids these days. We turn it off at meal time and we pick something we can all watch in the evenings etc.
As for snacks, he can eat all the fruit he likes. No need to ask as I woud never say no. Treats he has to ask or be offered.
Why does it bother you? do you find it disrespectful?
My DD is 10, I honestly don't expect her to ask me for a snack. If I see her looking for something and it is close to meal time I remind her of this and tell her not to get anything. She gets to watch TV when she goes to bed, she gets in bed at 8, and I set the timer for 60 minutes and she is usually asleep within 15. But again, I don't feel that she needs to ask for permission to turn the TV on.
We don't let my almost 9y/o SD turn the TV on or get snacks without asking. Yes she is old enough to know when she is hungry, but she doesn't always decide to wait until she's hungry to munch. She will eat because she is bored. And the more TV time she has the more she acts up. So we strictly limit it.
I think this is great advice.
I don't feel that turning on the tv or getting snacks is disrespectful. I just feel that when she makes her own choices, they are mostly wrong choices.. like I don't agree with the shows on tv (such as Shake it up and Suite life on Deck) - I hate these shows. I don't feel that they have any family values and honestly, my SD has gotten in a lot of trouble pulling the stunts on the shows. So, I just feel that she should spend her time doing more functional activities.
As for snacks - we have a serious problem with her eating her dinner. She likes to pick at dinner and pretend she hates everything we make (even if it is something she has had before) and then she wants to snack all day and all night.
I am not upset with SD, but I feel that if she can't make the right choices or if it becomes an issue that we should monitor this and I was just checking to see what other moms were doing out there. I'm new to being a mom (2 years being a stepmom) and about to have my own Son - so I was polling parents
Thank you! I hate these shows too!
It's just kids these days? Absolutely not. My kids in my house follow my (DH ad my) rules. I don't really care what "kids these days" are doing.
I have a 9 year old. He can get snacks when he wants, and he is old enough to know the difference between a snack and a treat.
When we are home he is allowed to watch TV when he wants, although it happens rarely. However to play electronics or go on the computer he has to ask, because time limits are on that. He would rather be outside snowboarding or playing hockey in the winter, and in the summer, it is rare that the TV is on (maybe on a rainy day!).