anyone with twins, "schedule" question

naflmj · March 2012

With DS we fed on demand and let him sleep/wake whenever was best for him and played between the two...if he nursed to sleep then that was just fine with me. He sleeps wonderfully so I can't see how that could have been bad. I know with twins I am going to be so exhausted if I do this but everyone on the multiples board recommends babywise and I just can't get on board with it, regardless of how sleepless I may become. Did you wake the 2nd baby when the first woke or just deal with the sleeplessness? I don't want them to be jipped because there are 2 of them and I can't change my parenting style/beliefs but I thought you may all have some suggestions on what worked for your family.

Also, any recommendations for babywearing? I know I can wear 2 in a Moby when they are small, how about when they're older? The Ergo was a lifesaver with DS.

tokenhoser · March 2012

I don't have twins.

The thing about twins, though, is balancing your needs with theirs. You can't let both of them be on diverging schedules and get enough basic care (sleep, eat, shower) for yourself - unless you have all-night support. They are going to have a different experience than your other child because they are twins, and that's okay. It will be some good things and some "bad" things like having to eat when the sibling decides it's time. I don't think you have to do babywise or fully baby-led everything... you have to find the balance that works for your family.

For wearing, I've seen photos of 2 mei tais, one front carry and one back carry. You can only physically carry 2 older babies for so long, though.

This group looks great: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Mothering-Multiples-Breastfeeding-and-Caring-for-Twins-or-More/248855546696

ToastieSimons · March 2012

I don't have twins, but I have twin nephews. I know my SIL always woke the 2nd when the first ate. But she kind of morphed babywise. She woke the babies at the 3 hour mark during the day or fed as often as the one baby woke. So if Baby A woke to eat, she would feed Baby B also. If Baby A woke 2 hours later she would feed Baby A and wake Baby B to feed. During the night she went as long as one would go. So if Baby B woke at 4 hours she would feed and then wake Baby A.

So it wasn't a forced babywise, and she did listen to their hunger cues. But, she did try to get them on similar schedules.

naflmj · March 2012

Thanks ladies. The women on the multiples board have been fantastic and I figure they know what they are talking about...just thought a 2nd view could be helpful. I think I am going to have to come to terms with waking one when the other eats and leaving the rest of the forced schedule stuff out.

ETA: I realize I can't wear 2 into toddlerhood, I am thinking more for getting through the infant stage.

tokenhoser · March 2012

They'll probably get pretty good at eating while mostly asleep... I know I'm still dream feeding DS and he doesn't complain.

That FB group is for a La Leche League book - it would probably offer a more AP-friendly approach to twins than Babywise and Weisbluth.

pixieprincss · March 2012

I am interested in the responses as a forthcoming mom of 2u2. I know that is a different thing than twins, but maybe I'll glean some good info. LIke you, we did everything based on cues for DS. It was such an intuitive way for us to parent and DS has thrived. But, with two so young--I can't quite imagine how it will work work

As for babywearing, we get lots of MOMs stopping in at my local BWI group for advice. Two MTs seems to be the most popular option--one baby on the front and one baby on the back. One mom came in looking for tips on designing a SSC for twins, so those exist too. I would look on The Babywearer website for posts on BWing twins or just multiple kids in general. I hope to double wrap sometimes with new baby in one wrap on my front, then get DS on my back in another wrap.

Two other thoughts--is there an API group in your area? I have only been to one API meeting but there was indeed a MOM there. Also, in my area there is a LLL meeting especially for MOMs and I've found that many LLL members tend to be more AP-oriented,

Temp123197812503460 · March 2012

I have twins and don't schedule them. They feed on demand (part of why I think I was successful EBF), and at night we dont wake one when the other eats.I know other MOMs who are the same way, it's just not talked about as much as the schedules/baby wise. I did have help from family the first weeks during the day which was great. I sometimes wear them in an ergo and beco but honestly I don't find it comfortable in my knees to carry so much weight for very long so usually I just wear one at a time.

SandiaPinaMama · March 2012

Another twin-less poster here, but just my two cents.... In theory all you need when you have one baby is one adult to be as AP as one wishes (okay, that would totally ignore balance, but you know what I mean. We all manage just fine while our spouses aren't around). So, that would leave me to assert that if you had two adults, you could be as AP as any other mother with a new baby and a toddler. I would shoot to have family around during the day as much as possible to do other things to allow you to BF on demand.

Can you have DH bring them to you at night and nurse side-lying so that you are waking as little as possible? Maybe DH bring them to you, and you put them back? (I'm assuming that you are not a bedsharer. I am uninformed as to whether that meets the safety requirements for bedsharing or not.)

Kind of a weird connection, but here goes...so you know how when women hang out together long enough, their cycles begin to match? Well, maybe twins' rhythms do that too?

Sorry if I spouting ridiculousness. It's way past my bedtime. Good luck!

naflmj · March 2012

watermelon mom:

Another twin-less poster here, but just my two cents.... In theory all you need when you have one baby is one adult to be as AP as one wishes (okay, that would totally ignore balance, but you know what I mean. We all manage just fine while our spouses aren't around). So, that would leave me to assert that if you had two adults, you could be as AP as any other mother with a new baby and a toddler. I would shoot to have family around during the day as much as possible to do other things to allow you to BF on demand.

Can you have DH bring them to you at night and nurse side-lying so that you are waking as little as possible? Maybe DH bring them to you, and you put them back? (I'm assuming that you are not a bedsharer. I am uninformed as to whether that meets the safety requirements for bedsharing or not.)

Kind of a weird connection, but here goes...so you know how when women hang out together long enough, their cycles begin to match? Well, maybe twins' rhythms do that too?

Sorry if I spouting ridiculousness. It's way past my bedtime. Good luck!

DH will be home the first 2 weeks and MIL the 3rd, after that, I will have some help but not every day. I also have a 2 year old son who will require some attention so I am not counting on that extra person to solely help with the babies as DS obviously is going to be going through a lot of changes to his environment.

In terms of night time feedings, they will be sidecared (sp?) to the bed in either a crib or co-sleeper so DH will help with diaper changes and I will feed. We plan to have them room in with us for at least 9 months.

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