Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Re: Sort of a failure to progress question...
I am no expert, but I would have to say that your body knows what to do if you got to a 1. If there were an issue with your cervix, I would have to think that it wouldn't have dilated or effaced at all. There are too many unknowns with a induction for you to judge what your body is capable of doing "naturally". I am in a similar position, although I know the reasons why I stopped dilating (at 2): a 20cm fibroid in the contratcile portion of my uterus (my contractions couldn't get strong enough) and a malpositioned baby. I had a very long and hard labor. Even with all of that my doctor admits that I do still have a chance at a VBAC, even though it is a very very small chance (maybe even less than 1%). I'm debating on what to do, but feel like it would be nice to at least give my body a chance. I don't think it is fair for you to say that your cervix might just not dilate... because it did!
Give your body credit for what it DID accomplish, and try not to focus on what didn't happen (I know it is very very hard). I say go for it and GL with your future pregnancies!
While I have heard that those who dilate fully and then have a c-section tend to be considered better candidates for vbac, I would say in your situation it might not be applicable. You were induced early, when your baby was still quite small; your body might have known you weren't ready and that is why it didn't respond to the induction method. If you went into labour naturally I bet you would have more success. I don't have any research to back this up but it seems possible to me. I wouldn't worry about it.
See the post just below this for more motivation.
I agree with pp. Your body and baby were probably just not ready. This is not uncommon in an induction.
My best advice is to interview your new provider and stay positive. Like your doctor even said, none of us has a crystal ball. And no two births are the same.
My c/s was from an induction for questionable reasons as well at 38.5 weeks. I had 2 days of cervidil and 1 day of pitocin. From the time I started pitocin to the c/s for FTP was 16 hours. I stalled out at 7cm and did not progress for several hours so they said it was time for a c/s. DD was basically still swimming around in there, not ready at all to come out.
My vbac, I went to 41wk2d. I went into labor naturally and never had pitocin, so he was trying to come out. Still, my progress stalled out again. I was mentally preparing myself for another c/s. My doctor said lets wait and see. He poked around on my belly and suggested specific positions for me to lay in to help baby come down. And eventually I progressed. Slowly. Very slowly. And after 29 hours of labor, he came out. So yeah, my body DID know how to dilate. It was just taking its own sweet time about it.
And, FWIW, I don't think you would have died in cowboy times. You would not have been induced, baby would have been trying to come out, and the pressure of baby's head is a huge part of what makes you dilate. (And besides, the biggest killer of childbirth in olden days was childbed fever. So if you ever get stuck in a time-vortex and end up birthing in the wild west, make sure they wash their hands really really well, ok?)
I will let you know in about 16 weeks! I failed to dilate or efface at all during my first labor-- water broke first (PROM) at 39 weeks, they gave me 18 hours to go into labor on my own, didn't happen, so pitocin was started, 10 hours later, still zero progress, unbelievable pain for me, DS's heartbeat would not recover between contractions, so I had a c-section.
My doctor, as is everyone in Vancouver, is very pro-VBAC. (IMO, they actually want women to VBAC --> less expensive for our "free" healthcare.) Anyway, she finds it "curious" that I did not dilate or efface at all, but that my water breaking and induction (and the restrictions placed on me) contributed to my c-section as well. Maybe DS and I just weren't ready for the big show. She said we'll try this time, I have to go into labor on my own and we'll see if I dilate this time around.
I thought that maybe I didn't dilate because I had scar tissue from cryo years ago, but I had about 5 people up in there during my first labor and I asked every single one if they felt anything and all said no. Did you have anything like that?
Honestly, I have been doing a lot of scouring the internet for similar stories to mine and successful VBACs, but haven't come up with anything yet. Maybe one of us can be the first!
Thanks ladies! It has helped reading your responses. I will meet with the new doctor and see what she says. I wasn't worried about VBAC until my doctor said something about not dilating and you helped calm me down a little.
NicholeeK - I've never had problems before so I don't have scar tissue. I've also been trying to see if there are any stories of success with situations similar to mine to no avail. Good luck on your VBAC! You should definitely come and post your birth story here to let everyone know how it goes.