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Blended Families
Troubles with co-parenting
My DH and I are have issues with BM in terms of co-parenting SS (11 mo old). DH and I are actively trying to keep his development moving forward in terms of purchasing bigger diapers, buying a new car seat, giving him opportunities to stand, walk, and talk, feeding him actual meals in addition to formula, and attempting to ween him off bottles to using a sippy cup. When SS is with us everything goes well but it's as if we have to start all over when he comes back home from visiting with BM. She still uses the infant carrier (for which he is at the weight and height limit), uses diapers that are too small, feeds him strictly bottles of formula (he had runny black poop the first day we got him back), and she started letting him use a pacifier (which he hasn't used or needed since he was 3 mo old).
How would you approach/handle this issue? She is so immature and stubborn that see her changing her ways. Last time we tried to tell her his sleep schedule she rolled her eyes and said "whatever". She still keeps him up til 10 pm so she can sleep in. So frustrating.
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Re: Troubles with co-parenting
dh needs to be the one involved. perhaps DH and BM should bring baby to a pediatrician who can address these issue with facts and information.
if BM is a first time mom the last thing she wants to hear from XBF's new GF is that she's doing a lousy job. you can't tell BM how to raise the child at her house. there are certain things that are unhealthy (proper fitting diapers & starting solids) /illegal (carseat) this advice needs to come from a pediatrician. or if you are truly concerned have CPS do a well child check.
You need to allow her to do her own thing at her house. It sounds as if you and your H are both control freaks.
It's actually safer for children to be in the less "advanced" (agewise) car seat possible as long as they meet the weight / height guidelines. Whether or not you put your SS in a larger size diaper will not contribute to his development - - are you out of your mind?
If he gets used to using a sippy cup (or walking, talking, etc.) then he will start to demand to be more independent as BM's soon enough.
The child's primary food for the first year should be breast milk or formula. I'm surprised your LO is already outgrown the infant seat. To my recollection my DS was in his chicco infant seat past one year old.
How much time is LO at your house? I'm surprised that you seem to sound like you have the majority of the time for such a young child?
While I agree with the PPs that OP is being too controlling and needs to let BM raise her child, I do not agree with this post. Pedi's see many babies come in that the mother says "breastmilk ONLY!" and the baby is not thriving. Breastmilk or formula are not necessarily the only food a baby needs for the 1st year of the child's life. Some children need solid foods to thrive.
Ok, 1st...the child is 11 months and you're already married to the father?
And more importantly this child is not going to drop out of high school because of these issues, these aren't even really developmental. It actually sounds like she is following more of the "reccomendations" than you are. Her kid, her house. Leave it alone.
Wow, malnourished due to lack of 'real' food from BM AND too big for his carseat and diapers! Not to mention the gigantic poops. This is a wonderchild!
Mind what is happening in your own home before you start butting into BM's life. It's her child; she is entitled to make choices for her own home. You have too much time on your hands if this is what you worry about.
Spend your time concentrating on fun, cool things to do when SS is with you. Plan trips to the park, go to gymboree, have some music classes. Whatever you need to stop dwelling on BM.
I don't think you know more than the American Pediatric Association nor WHO and I don't think I'd be taking parenting advice from you...
I think you need to choose your battles if only for your own sanity.
I understand your frustration as co-parenting is hard in the best of situations but when the two sets of parents don't get along its maddening.
Ultimately, unless the child is in danger at her place, there's not much you can do about her parenting style. You do, however, have some control over how things run in your household and you need to work with that and forget about what happens at BMs, otherwise you will drive yourself crazy
Geez! Judgemental much? I thought this board was for supporting each other!
OP: I agree with what a couple PP's said about letting your DH contact BM about your concerns. I'm sure BM probably doesn't want to hear from either of you, but it'd probably be better coming from DH. But I know what you're feeling! My SS is 4 and BM still treats him like a baby! She does everything for him, from putting on his shoes to buckling him in his carseat (I let him buckle himself but I obviously make sure it's secure before moving!)! We're looking into getting him in preschool this fall and she's being very restrictive about it - oh he can't handle more than a couple days, etc. Instead of limiting these poor kids, why not let them try things and see what works!? But I keep my opinions to myself when it comes to BM. I know she's not going to change how she does things for me! She'll always see my suggestions as an attack on her parenting (which sometimes it is I guess!). Good luck!
I would like to hear more about this too - and yes I'm totally judging.
DING DING!
honestly prolly wont get better... my sd will soon be 8 and last yr they had her in 3T shorts that were oviously up her butt and waaay 2 small i got her from school and always have extra clothes in car.. i threw 3T away when BM asked for them back i just told her they ripped
being a SM is a hard journey u have no real control but have to deal with all the crap 
hope it gets better but be prepared for worse ....