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Blended Families
Holly_1007
member
am I being unreasonable? not totally bfr.. long
Holly_1007
member
yikes I don't even know where to start. DH and MIL want to bring GMIL on a vacation this summer to virginia beach (in august). GMAL has alzheimers (sp?) is 85 years old and drives me bonkers. There would be 9 people going total: DH, myself, SD(5), DS(2), GMIL, MIL, FIL, and FIL's 2 kids (16,18) (These are DH's step siblings). I will also be 7-8 months pregnant when they are planning the trip.
GMIL won't fly. I refuse to drive 12+ hours with 2 kids under 5 and being that far along in my pregnancy. MIL has agreed to fly everyone except GMIL and somehow DH got conned into driving her down. which would be nice so that we have a car down there, but that puts me traveling with MIL (we barely get along, its a 'nice on the surface' relationship) FIL, his two kids and of course SD and DS. (can I even legally fly with SD?? her and I have the same last name but I'm not a bio parent?)
Then comes the issue of the hotel. SD sleeps 12-13 hrs a night. DS sleeps maybe 10, and takes a 2 hr nap everyday. NO idea how we are all supposed to share a room. I have thought maybe we should do a suite, but thats so expensive. then I thought maybe we should just rent a house. but its only a weekend trip. GMIL like I said has alzheimers, and does NOT do good out of her element. the likelihood of DH having to deal with her in the middle of the night is very high, again leaving me to contend with both kids, while pregnant, praying to god she doesn't wake them up during the night
Now lets take into consideration that my kids don't understand the words "vacation" or the idea of "sleeping in". we will be up by 7, showered, eaten, and ready to go before any one of these other people begins to make moves. by the time they have eaten, showered and are ready to go I'm looking at almost lunch time/ nap time for DS. and all of us eating dinner at a reasonable hour is likely to go out the window.
a 2 yr old and 5 yr old are going to want to do 'kid' activities, go to the beach etc. a 16 and 18 yr old? i highly doubt they are going to want to make sand castles all day. and the 85 yr old GMIL? probably wants nothing to do with sand. so that leaves us doing our own thing, all day. and spreading MIL and FIL pretty thin considering they need to babysit GMIL constantly, and who knows what sort of trouble the step siblings will get into. (or DH will get stuck with GMIL and I will be stuck with both kids, on the beach, 8 months pregnant)
GMIL has a tendencey to speek her mind. however she raised kids 50 years ago. when it was no big deal to lay a mattress down in the back of your car and have your kids nap while you drive around town. she is constantly telling me how to raise my kids. I have somewhat learned how to let it roll off my back. but she has alzeihmers, so she forgets that she tells you something and tells you AGAIN(and again, and again). so its CONSTANT criticism. nobody every stands up for me when she is around, (thankfully its mostly just a few hours for holidays at this point). add to the fact that MIL refuses to see me as a mother figure to SD (thats a whole other story for another day) but she pretty much does whatever she wants whenever she wants to do it with SD and completely disregards anything I say as far as SD's care. she also favors SD and could hardly care less about spending time with DS. (which REALLY sucks for me but I don't think DS has noticed it yet)
I just don't even want to do this. I told DH that if MIL and FIL want to bring us to virginia beach for a family trip, it should be MIL, FIL, DH, Me and the kids (and FIL's kids if they want to come) to add GMIL is a whole other issue. I said MIL should take GMIL if GMIL REALLY want's to go, but they should be 2 seperate trips, combining them just seems like way too much to me. Am I being completely unreasonable/ hormonal? DH said he would talk to MIL but he doesn't see why we cant just do one trip together.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: am I being unreasonable? not totally bfr.. long
Thank you. obviously I wouldn't ask MIL to do 2 trips within the same month (or even same year at this point) GMIL used to vacation at virginia beach with her family when she was a kid so she wants to go back 'one more time' somehow MIL got the idea that we should all go. I would be fine if DH, MIL and GMIL went, but with the 9 of us and all the kids different ages just seems like a recipe for disaster to me. plus I'm a control freak/ hate when my kids are off schedule. god I'm so uptight haha
exactly why I said I wasn't driving. doesn't seem worth it to me. plus DS and SD HATE the car. I've tried everything. they are miserable.... waiting to see if DH talked to MIL...
MIL started planning the trip (well picking dates atleast) before she knew we were pregnant. now that she knows I told her I probably can't fly any later than the first weekend in august. this threw off her whole plan (even though nothing was booked yet)
we will see how the DH/ MIL conversation goes. I really hate to break up a family vacation but this is just so all over the place it doesn't even sound fun
I personally wouldn't go. Tell your DH that you aren't going to keep him from going, but you want to stay home and keep your kids home as well. It's just not going to be enjoyable for you. It sounds as if DH is putting his mother before his pregnant wife. Very uncool.
I'd never in a million years do any of it. If it were me, as soon as I found out I was pregnant, we would have called MIL and said sorry, this just isn't going to be good timing this year.
In fact, if it's not too late to back out (ie, no $$ has been spent), I'd still try to cancel.
We're taking the kids to the beach this summer, and we're renting a house so that we have a kitchen and everyone has a bedroom. We're also going for a week. If I'm spending the money and the time to go on vacation, there's NO way I'm spending it being hassled and sleep deprived.
I flew 36 weeks pregnant. The airlines actually lifted any restrictions I pregnant women can fly and it is stated to ask your physician. OP - I think the trip sounds like a huge headache. If it were me, I would sit it out. Sounds like it won't be fun at all.
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"Karma1969: If baking someone a birthday pie/cake is romantic, I must be a slut."
My ILs planned a vacation, for themselves, DH, SD, me and my daughter for three weeks after I had my daughter. I told them I wasn't going, but ended up caving in. It was the worst experience ever. I was miserable. It was 19 hours of driving, it was hot, I was hormonal. And I still have mad resentment toward them over it.
Call me unreasonable if you want, but I say bow out. This sounds like a disaster in the making.
This is the best advice, IMO.
The trip you are describing sounds like a PITA, I wouldn't participate in that. Plus, they may not let you fly at 8 months pregnant anyway. A lot of airlines don't. I would take this opportunity to enjoy my last free weekend before giving birth, go to lunch with girlfriends, get me a pedicure...much better.
Agree with all of this. Or let him go and take your SD and you can have a weekend alone with your son. Maybe see it as some alone time and peace and quiet before the new baby arrives.
TTC 10/11. IUI 2/12. BFP 3/8/12. 4/26/12 missed mc. RE consult 5/17/12. IVF #1 ER 7/13/12 53R, 41M ICSIed, 32F, 8 5d, 6 6d blasts - all PGD/frozen. PGD results 1 normal M and 1 normal F, 1 maybe M. FET 9/6, transferred 1 F embie. Beta 9/15 BFN. FET#2 planned for 11/2012 put off until 2013. Surprise BFP 11/21/12!! My son was born on 7/24/13!
I also say tell your DH and kids to go. Get in some mommy pampering that weekend, either alone or with a girlfriend. Have some last "me" time before new baby arrives.
I sympathize with you about this trip. MIL is renewing her vows this summer in Panama City, and we are going. Originally, we were thinking, "No kids." But then MIL said she has to have them there to be in the ceremony. I'm already almost dreading this trip, and I have a great relationship with MIL. I just don't want to have two kids (also 5 and 2) on the beach with their grandmother contradicting everything we tell them to do and ruining their schedule and probably several of DH's witchy, conniving, trifling younger cousins (some teenagers, some adults that act like spoiled toddlers even though they have toddlers of their own) stirring up trouble for the hell of it.
But at least I can speak honestly and openly with MIL about things if there is something I don't like, and I won't be pregnant when we take our trip. I think your situation is much worse than mine.
This was my thought BUT then the kids would have to travel by car right???
Sit it out this year. Let MIL and FIL take GMIL.
Alzheimers is tough on families. My grandmother introduced me to my father one day and she got us both wrong!
Wait....are you ALL supposed to be in one room? WITH grandma? Hellz to the no!
You are going to be in a difficult position. b/c MIL views this as a "free trip" for you, DH and the kids, it is going to be hard to argue with her without sounding like an ingrate, when really this trip is not for you or a gift in any way - it's a trip for GMIL where you will be working. No thanks!
Even if you, H, and the kids have their own room...I would advise you not to go. Tell your H it sounds like a great idea - for him, mom, FIL and grandma. In fact, if he wants to bring SC and DC, he can do that as well.
My (educated) guess is that once you step back and tell H you're not going, suddenly the kids going won't be on the table (much less FILs kids). After all, the "free babysitting" (you) has disappeared, making the trip that much less desirable.
Just wanted to say thank you all for the input. I didn't have a chance to respond to you all.
If I dont go, DS doesn't go and even though I have no say on the issue of SD going DH would be a moron to bring her and not DS (and therefore not me). so if I don't go both kids don't go.
DH& MIL talked and somehow she agreed to veto us out this year, she is going with GMIL and a friend. Not sure if that means we dug our own grave and she may never do a vacation including us at some point though. guess thats my own fault, oh well.
I sat down and explained all my reasoning to DH (trying to keep in mind that it is his family) he knows I have issues with MIL, and I'm trying. he agreed it was just too much. he does have a tendency to put his mom before me, we're working on it...
thanks again!