One and Done VENT!!!

AnnaRedhead · March 2012

I'm sorry but I just have to get this out... I am so f-ing sick of people IRL and a few on here making it seem like I'm doing my child a huge injustice by just having him and not having another and giving him "the most wonderful amazing gift you could ever give your child...another sibling." If I hear that one more time I'm gonna scream! Guess what?! There is NO guarantee that your kids will get along! I have an older sister that I NEVER talk to and we NEVER played together growing up. My best friends are more like my sisters than she is. Do I love her? Yes! But we are not close whatsoever. I'm just sick of people looking at me like I have three heads when I say we may stop at one and I'm also sick of them telling me I HAVE to have another. Do you want to pay for the next child? Do you want to carry another child for me for 10 months? DS was 11 POUNDS when he was born! Good luck with that! Ok vent over...sorry.

AnnaRedhead · March 2012

Please excuse the wall of text...I'm bumping from my phone.

MOONGIRL2467 · March 2012

Don't let others make you feel this way! Enjoy your LO, only you and your SO know what is best for you family!!

SmileandLaugh · March 2012

I'm doing one and done as well. I've gone a lot of remarks from my friends but just know that it's YOUR decision and not anybody else's.

simbaby · March 2012

Haha I get the same look too. It's annoying but whatever. I'm lucky that me and my twin sister get along so well. We are best friends. My husband on the other hand rarely talks to his older brother (by 4 yrs). It's not that they're mad at each other, just not close. And we live maybe 30 min apart from him and his family.

My point - I'm one and done too. Try not to let it get under your skin. I always tell people, "I never wanted children, just a child" and get the pity face all.the.time.

AnnaRedhead · March 2012

Thank you both so much for your responses...:) I just have this one friend in particular who always argues with me about having one child and she's always trying to tell me all these reasons why we should have another. I just don't think there's a right or wrong way to build a family...you have to do what's right for you and your family and I don't think its right for others to make you feel like you're making a bad decision. Its such a personal decision and there are so many factors that go into it! And she's pregnant with her first and therefore doesn't have a clue what's about to hit her with sleepless nights and teething and everything! It just gets on my damnn nerves.

Matt Dvorak · March 2012

understand completely. We love our DS so much, and yes, we want only one. I think that we're going to provide him a pretty awesome life.

nfrtny · March 2012

ELEVEN POUNDS? GOOD LORD. lol.

I used to think I wanted 3. After DS, I don't know anymore. But I totally feel you. It's not anyone's decision but yours, and honestly, there are plenty of kids in the world who are the only child and are fine!

Marsupial1022 · March 2012

I'm right there with you. My husband and I decided that if we haven't said yes about having another child before my Mirena has to be replaced, that I was getting my tubes tied. We're both fairly certain that we're one and done, but we wanted to wait on the off chance that we changed our minds.

Part of our reasonings for not wanting another is that my husband works 18+hour shifts in the oil fields and doesn't want to risk getting stuck at a well and not being able to get to me if something happens while I'm pregnant. I train horses and give lessons for a living AND I'm about to start school back up to finish my equine vet tech certification, so being pregnant again won't work. Plus, I have to have a total knee replacement from a riding accident some years ago, and I'm due to have surgery on my breasts for a reduction/reconstruction (basically, my breasts are so large for my body size that they've partially torn away from the chest wall). It's just bad timing for another kid, but we're perfectly happy with just the one little monster.

I've had a few friends give me crap about not wanting another, and it's absolutely irritating. Mostly because it's none of their damned business and I despise being told what I should or should not do to my own body.

ladybug122 · March 2012

I think its perfectly fine to have one child. Its pretty much luck if siblings become friends with each other or not, and I know plenty of only-children who form really close friendships similar to those of close siblings. I probably will space my children out so much that they won't grow up playing together (I'm only 21 and in college still so I want to wait 'til I'm able to better afford another baby), and I think that is fine - DD can get socialized in play groups and daycare. Anyways, I just wanted to write in saying I support your choice

And I can't imagine 11 pounds!! That's almost twice the size of my DD - more power to ya!

Shaynnon · March 2012

We're one and done (I even had a tubal 6 weeks after having DD) so when people ask if we're having more instead of listening to them tell me how my daughter will be lonely, I tend to say something along the lines of "we think we're done, we went through a lot to have our one" people tend to back off then.

I think also you're being too nice. Honestly. You shouldn't let people think that its even appropriate to question what you want to do. The few people who have tried to make me feel bad I turned around and halted them with how I wasn't interested in their opinion. Its harsh, but trust me - they won't bring it up again.

indy_chic · March 2012

I have 4 other siblings (2 brothers, 2 sisters)- like you, I'm not close to any of them and also feel that my closest girlfriends are more like my sisters.

We too, are one and done.

WhitePicketFence · March 2012

I think an 11 lb newborn would be enough for me to be one and done, too! LOL.

The one thing I've learned while being a parent is that others will always judge you no matter what you decide. You just have to learn to ignore, ignore, ignore and do what you feel is best.

We've gotten several comments from friends/family IRL about having 2u2. When we tell them we'd still like one more child, the comments are even worse. We'll most likely start TTC #3 this summer and ?'m already dreading the response when I'm pregnant again. I just don't get it - we can afford 3 kids, we're providing them with a loving home, we're a responsible married couple, etc. People will always judge.

jmo866 · March 2012

OMG people just like to talk to fill the air sometimes, just ignore them... Or, come back with "OK, you've sold me, I'll just keep having kids so I don't have to listen to people like you anymore!" Wink

IlliniQT · March 2012

It amazes me that EVERYONE has an opinion about things that have NOTHING to do with them. Sorry you're getting pestered...people SUCK!

BobbiJanay07 · March 2012

Do what is right for your family.

germanpickle · March 2012

I cannot believe how selfish you are. Only one child? Your child will be so lonely and stupid and will totally fail at everything in life. And it will be all your fault, you horrible person, you. Shaking head.

Oh, wait, it is YOUR family, YOUR life, and YOUR sanity we are talking about here. Personally I have found a response like, "are we talking about my sexual life? I just want to make sure I'm on your page" quite helpful when people get pushy. Big Smile

futuremrsofficer · March 2012

After everything we went through to get Myles we are for sure 100% not adopting or doing fertility treatments again. I love our son and he completes our family. We get a lot of the same about well one more isn't that bad. To which I respond would you like to do all the work it took us to get just this one child? I know my situation is different but I know exactly how you feel.

JamieJeanS · March 2012

I don't read those posts, but I get what you are saying! My daughter is a one and only; not my original plan, but it is now!~

I do get comments from friends like how "unfair" it is to never give her a sibling or two; my reply is two fold: I can focus all my parenting on her (something she'll hate as a teen, I'm sure!) which is what I am comfortable doing, and if you were married to my husband you'd not want to go through trying to parent more than one child as well! The latter part usually shuts them up, because they know I'm married to a mess.

katie4253 · March 2012

We are undecided, so I can't speak to that. I will say, I think you need to take a different approach with your "friend" though. If she brings it up, I'd say, "my uterus and it's contents are not up for discussion" or "The number of children we will have is not a topic of discussion for us". If she doesn't respect that, lose her. Sorry, but if my friend was that disrespectful of me and my choices, I wouldn't be friends with her anymore.

melandgreg · March 2012

I always said I was one and done too, and I got bashed to heck over it....In the end I waited 6 years and had another. So point is, screw what everyone else says, and remember life happens when you're planning it

JaysonandKristin · March 2012

The most wonderful and loving thing you've ever done for your DS is give him life. Giving him a loving environment and supportive parents is also one of the best things you can do for him.

As for siblings, Tuna said it best awhile back... something about family has nothing to do with blood.

Just look at you and your DH. You are not blood related (thank the lord), but you are closer to him than any other person on Earth.

Think of something smart ass to say back, and go from there. I agree with PP that you're being too nice!

Don't let the sanctimommies get to you!!

Snapdragon750 · March 2012

Oh hello I have been walking in your shoes and living your exact life for the past however-old-you-are years, let me tell you what to do

Oh wait no I haven't.

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