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January 2011 Moms
Getting James to sleep through the night
Okay so my husband is really getting frustrated. James isn't sleep through the night and will not go back down on his own, he has gotten use to going back to bed on me laying in our bed (I know bad habit on my part) but anyways, he wants him back in his bed sleeping through the night. So questions, what is everyone's views on how to do this. I really do not want to do the Ferber method, thanks for the help.
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Re: Getting James to sleep through the night
What worked for us is creating a routine for bedtime. We put on brush teeth, put on lotion, put on jammies, snuggle with her blanket and listen to soft music in a chair. I wait til she's just about out and then put her in her crib, then sit by the crib until she's asleep.
She's still waking once occasionally in the middle of the night, usually when she doesn't have a big enough dinner. When she does, either H waits until she's legit crying or I go get her. She'll wake up and talk herself back to sleep sometimes. We leave all the lights off and don't speak. I feed her and then hold her til she's out, then put her in the crib. If we do the drowsy thing in the middle of the night she thinks it's an invitation to party. Do you have a pack & play you could use to put him down in your room after he's asleep?
Probably not the answer you are looking for, but I would work on your DH's expectations--or at least getting at the heart of what his problem with DS waking up is. If it that he is tired, what can you two work out? If it is that he wants more space in the bed, can you do a toddler mattress on the floor? If it is that your DH wants to STTN, how does you each feel about you cosleeping with DS without DH? If it is that DS just "should" be sleeping in his own room and STTN, would educating him help? It is very normal for children under 2 to not STTN for many reasons, but just one is that kids pee in the night and it is very healthy and normal for a child to wake up because of this need (and leads to a good thing--not wetting the bed when the child is older). In our house, the goal is simply to make the wakings as brief and non-disruptive as possible. We are very happy bed-sharers, so that is how we deal with it. I'd say that most of our wake-ups last less than a minute. V just needs some pats or he's wet himself and it startled him awake.
More Green For Less Green
We did CIO and it worked great.
Since you don't want to do that and I totally understand (those first few nights are tough) I would suggest a new bedtime routine. You know bath, teeth, stories, a song and bed. If he wakes up in the middle of the night I'd comfort for a minute but then put him back in bed. It really doesn't take long for them to realize they won't get what they want. A couple nights of that for us and Aiden stopped waking in the middle of the night too.
I think the advice about talking about expectations is really good.
We started out with great sleep, and then it got really terrible when we moved DD to her own room. I read many sleep books before figuring something out. I am against CIO. I think it puts unnecessary stress on a person who doesn't really understand what's happening and that stress is not healthy in various ways. BUT I also don't really think it's possible to have a baby sleep through the night in his/her own bed without any tears at all unless you put him/her there from the minute they're born.
That said, I would really recommend Ferber's book because it has the most comprehensive explanation of infant sleep. I used those theories to figure out how to change DD's sleep pattern. I also found Kim West The Sleep Lady to be sort of helpful (but to be fair I mostly skimmed that book). The No Cry sleep books kind of annoy me. The author is a mom who co-slept with 4 kids and I think the advice is really lacking. (Example: when giving advice on how to get kids to take naps in their cribs and not to keep standing, she suggests giving them naps in their strollers.)
Part of our story: S was waking 3 times a night. I'd nurse her and she'd go back to sleep. I thought the association was with nursing. So I started out pumping and giving DH a bottle to give her. Every night I'd give half an ounce less but each night she could have water after she finished the milk. Then we switched to water only. I was surprised when she was totally fine without nursing. Then we realized that her association was being held til she fell asleep. DH started putting her to bed. After our routine (bath, pajamas, nurse, book, prayers), DH put her in her crib and stood next to her for 30 sec. She usually pops up after that. He'd give her a kiss and lay her back down. We ended up letting her complain cry (she was crying but it did not get intense) for about 2 minutes at a time. He'd keep going in, give a kiss, and lay her down. She slept through the night from the first night we did it on. So we put her to bed between 7 and 8, she wakes up either between 5:30 and 6, nurses, and sleeps until between 7 and 8 OR she wakes between 6:30 and 7 for the day. It's not perfect, but it's way better than before!