Feeling a little guilty...(bedsharing-related)
I think DS has started teething, but it's come at a terrible time. I have to finish my thesis this week and this insane weather has thrown my fibromyalgia into hyper gear. I felt like a truck hit me the last two days.
We bedshare with DS for the most part because I like it, he likes it, and DH doesn't really care one way or another, but the last two nights, I've been desperate to just have a good night's sleep on my own. DS will only sleep in the crook of my arm and it's making my shoulder hurt worse. Anyway...so the last two nights, we've tried to put him to sleep in his bassinet right beside me in our room. The first night, he just screamed and after about a half an hour of trying to soothe him without picking him up, I gave in and just brought him to bed. Last night, he did finally go down in the bassinet for DH (after another 30 minute struggle), but he woke up around 1:30am and I had to bring him back into bed. All I really want is to finish this stupid paper and then to celebrate with an awesome night's sleep snuggling with DH, but I feel awful about making DS sleep in the bassinet when I know he needs mommy cuddles right now.
Basically, I just need to vent and if anyone has any words of wisdom to make me feel better, they would be much appreciated.
Happy Leap Day everyone! (I hope you're using your extra for something awesome!)
BFP 02/04/2011;EDD 10/14/2011;Induced due to pre-e 09/07/2011;Jack born 09/08/2011
Re: Feeling a little guilty...(bedsharing-related)
((hugs))
You can only do what you can do. You need to take care of yourself in order to be able to be a good mom for him. He doesn't understand it yet, but he is getting old enough that sometimes his wants can't all be met exactly how he wants. It's okay.
I ran away from home for a night back in January. I was exhausted - my house was over flowing with guests, so DS had been in our room for most of a month. I often bedshare, but usually not with both DH (who snores) and DS (who was waking pretty much hourly at that point). I reached my breaking point and left DS with my sister at home and I went and slept at a friend's house. It was a rough night for DS - he doesn't take a bottle and he'd gotten used to eating a lot overnight. But... he survived, with lots of hugs and cuddles and some water sips. And I survived and came back with 7 hours of sleep and a desire to keep living.
I tell you this just so you know that it's okay to reach a point that YOU need to come first for a bit. Keep trying to get what you need.
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Hang in there. Guilt is a great motivator. It makes us go way above and beyond being good parents. It will push us to our absolute limits, because it will try to push us beyond them. I try to remember this. Guilt will always try to push me beyond my limits. I feel guilty I don't focus more on baby sign language. I feel guilty I give my child process foods, and non-organic fruit, and put them in front of the T.V. for 20 min while I get ready for work. I have to reign it back in. I have to remember what my limits are. I can't do everything perfectly. Sometimes I don't have time to go 30 min away to the market that has organic food. Sometimes I need that 20 minutes in the morning. Sometimes, many times, I need a good night's sleep. Your health, both mentally and physically are more important than anything. Don't let guilt break you. Don't let it push you too far. Let it do its job, and make sure that you are a good parent, but don't let it break you.
Guilt will make you feel like you aren't doing enough. Like you could to more for your LO one to be a better parent to your LO. But, you have given your LO so much snuggle loving time at night. Your LO is going to be such a secure child, but also, your child needs to learn independence as well. It's about balance. You have to learn balance, and ignore the feelings of guilt that you are being a bad mama. You definitely aren't, you are taking care of yourself for your baby.