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WWYD re: visitation

cmanmomcmanmom
in Single Parents

Long story short I took xh to court to ask for supervised visitation for various reasons.  The judge ordered him to have visitation with a specific counselor present to reintegrate him back into LO life and teach him how to parent.  Judge also ordered for him to contact me via email only.

So he's emailed me several times a day since asking "when do I get to see LO"

My thoughts are that he needs to do the legwork to set up this counseling, he was also ordered to pay for it etc. on his own.  I am not paying my lawyer to do it, nor am I going to do the work to set it up.  I think if he wants to see LO, that he should call this counselor and figure it out.  Am I being petty?  Is this something that I should be working on setting up?  FWIW, the reason we are in this place is that he was absent for 18 months, came back and refused to transition in any way, and just.like.I.told.him, LO reacted negatively and is having a hard time.  He came back in Aug., used his visitation for Aug-Nov, then was gone, and tried to come back again in Jan. and I refused.

I haven't responded to that part of his emails, only about how LO is doing but in the latest e-mail he called me on it and specifically only asked "when do I get to see LO, you have not responded to my question"

Do you think I should say something along the lines of "talk to your lawyer" or, "that's not up to me" or even just a simple "I don't know" in response, or just let it be.  I am thinking that it's not my job to figure that part out and if I respond in ANY way, that he will just get angry (he does a lot) and it will open a can of worms.

Single parents - what say you?

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Re: WWYD re: visitation

  • FyreFlyeRushFyreFlyeRush member

    I'd tell him to talk to the person who will be supervising. If that's a court ordered mediator, then that's who he needs to contact. Or, you can contact the counselor, ask how to proceed.

    The biggest thing you need to understand is you need to appear like you're open and committed to getting him involved. That doesn't mean initiating conversation, but you do need to show you've made an effort.

    Look at this way, when you go back to court and he says he hasn't seen LO because he hasn't been able to figure it out, would you rather be able to tell the judge, I talked to the counselor, and the counselor said to have him call him/her or would you like to tell the judge, "hey, it wasn't my job to make sure he can see LO."

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  • FyreFlyeRushFyreFlyeRush member
    When we went back to court, my EX said he never got to see DD because I lived in Dallas. I was able to say, "Your honor, I work for an airline, and I'm down here (San Antonio) 2-3 times a month. He has my number. I don't have his. All he has to do is call, and I'll do everything I can to make sure they get time together."  And, when the judge asked if this was true, he admitted it was.
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  • peeps61308peeps61308 member

    Let him know that you would love for him to see LO, you are just waiting on him to set up the visits as required. You are not keeping LO from him out of spite. He was given clear instructions on what he needs to do to make visitation happen.

    I am assuming that he was present at this hearing, so any information that you have regarding the counselor and how to set up appointments he should have also. If not, it is his responsibility to figure it out (no matter how upset this may make him).

    Good luck!

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  • turtle1120turtle1120
    imagepeeps61308:

    Let him know that you would love for him to see LO, you are just waiting on him to set up the visits as required. You are not keeping LO from him out of spite. He was given clear instructions on what he needs to do to make visitation happen.

    I am assuming that he was present at this hearing, so any information that you have regarding the counselor and how to set up appointments he should have also. If not, it is his responsibility to figure it out (no matter how upset this may make him).

    Good luck!

    Ditto this.  Exactly.  It's his responsibilty to set things up.  Respond and tell him that.

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  • ChunkyMunkeyChunkyMunkey

    I would simply inform him that he needs to take care of it himself and it is not your responsibility to set up a time for HIM to see LO. He knows who he has to speak with. If you really feel like being nice include a name and a phone number for him to call. I'd just leave it at that.

    I have done pretty much the same thing regarding my LO and his father. XH is a piece of crap and a danger to my son, unfortunately I am court ordered to do the visits but XH must follow certain steps in order to see his child. If he doesn't then he won't get to see LO, not my fault. I will never be the one responsible for making sure XH gets to see LO when I see him only as a negative impact rather than something positive for LO. I also have a no contact order among other things against XH so he can't even contact me directly, his grandmother is the court appointed contact and supervisor. If she does not bother calling me....his loss, not mine. 

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  • kmartinez80kmartinez80 member
    He needs to contact the counselor to set up a visit; why would you be expected to arrange all of that? My XH also has supervised visits but there is also an OOP in place to protect me and DD, so he is allowed no contact at all with me. If my XH wants to see DD then he must contact the supervising agency and they will then contact me to say he wants a visit and these are the appointment times available. I let them know which appointment works for me and DD and the visit is confirmed at that time. If XH cancels then the agency calls me to let me know. Does your CO specify days and times for the visits or is it open ended? Specifying days and times is much easier because it prevents unnecessary drama and conflict when dealing with someone who tends to be controlling or harassing.
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  • cmanmomcmanmom

    I have already given him the name (again, the judge gave it to us in court) again, and the group's name the counselor is in.  I figured out the group by googling the name the judge gave us.  Come on, I already gave him that information...info. he could have easily obtained himself.

    Is it necessary for me to take it a step further and spell out for him - "you need to call the counselor in XX group that I gave you the information on before to set this up"  I mean, really?  I think he's playing me and trying to control me again.  He seriously wants me to do all his work and basically tell him where to go at what time to see LO.

     

    ETA:  I should have told you ladies this first, that I already gave him that infomation, sorry!

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