XP: bedsharing dilemma

HBear19 · March 2012

Right now I am bedsharing with DD, who is 3 1/2 months. She has never slept in her crib, though I've been trying periodically since about 8 weeks. She basically sleeps in my arms all night, which in some ways is great. She is EBF and it is soooo easy to nurse in bed. We get a good night's sleep.

The big problem for me is that she won't go to sleep without me. Which means I'm in bed by 8pm each night. That doesn't leave much time to get stuff done after work or to spend quality time with DH.

I would love to be able to put her to sleep in her crib at night. Even if she came into my bed after the first wakening, I'd be ok with that, especially since I'm still nursing.

Thoughts on getting DD in her crib? Even if I rock her to sleep, she wakes immediately upon laying her down. And cries. Like how dare I put her down! I feel so badly I just give in and bring her to my bed.

Anyone have any suggestions?

tokenhoser · March 2012

I would just let her sleep in a carrier until I was ready to go to bed.

DS and I were bedsharing 100% at that point; he sleeps in his crib for the first part of the night now. Things really do change as they grow. You can keep trying the crib, but don't worry too much if she's not ready yet.

StefandTodd · March 2012

tokenhoser:

I would just let her sleep in a carrier until I was ready to go to bed.

DS and I were bedsharing 100% at that point; he sleeps in his crib for the first part of the night now. Things really do change as they grow. You can keep trying the crib, but don't worry too much if she's not ready yet.

I agree with this completely. DS never slept for a minute in his crib (or really without me) until he was almost 4 months old. At that point, I was worried b/c he was going to be going to DC soon and I knew he'd need to know how to sleep without me. So I prepared for a hard nap day, swaddled him up, put on his white noise, rocked him to sleep and laid him down...and he stayed asleep for a couple hours, easy peasy. Like, I wouldn't have believed it myself if it hadn't happened. It's true that things change as they grow and age.

For only about the last month, he has been going down in his crib at 7-8 and he sleeps until 10 or 11 and whenever he has that wake up, I bring him to bed with me (and if I wasn't already going to bed, I do so then). There are still the very occassional nights that he just will noooot go down alone (they're far more rare than they used to be though!), and I will lay in our bed, nurse him to sleep, and lay there with him for 15 minutes or so after he falls asleep, and that buys me an hour or so to do whatever I need to do quickly and then head back to bed before he stirs and notices I'm gone.

Anyway, long story longer...it gets easier! But I for one don't think you're doing anything wrong just letting your LO sleep on/with you still

etoyama · March 2012

I'm afraid I have no advice but I have the exact same situation going on at my house

HBear19 · March 2012

Thank you for the words of encouragement!

pixieprincss · March 2012

I great rule of thumb is move yourself not baby. So, can you nurse her side-laying in your bed? Once she is good and out, inch away ever so slowly, one tiny bit at at time, resting in between each movement. If that doesn't work now, no sweat. Your baby is still very, very young. It will come with time. Also, soon enough you may be facing the four-month wakeful and she'll buck most sleep for a bit while her body transitions from deep sleep to light sleep to the pattern of adults: light sleep to deep.

pixieprincss · March 2012

A great rule of thumb is move yourself not baby. So, can you nurse her side-laying in your bed? Once she is good and out, inch away ever so slowly, one tiny bit at at time, resting in between each movement. If that doesn't work now, no sweat. Your baby is still very, very young. It will come with time. Also, soon enough you may be facing the four-month wakeful and she'll buck most sleep for a bit while her body transitions from deep sleep to light sleep to the pattern of adults: light sleep to deep.

meringue123 · March 2012

I am in the same boat with my eight month old. It hasn't gotten better for us except that I can sneak out of bed once she is asleep. However now that she is crawling I am afraid to go too far. I am considering putting a twin size mattress on the floor in our room so I can leave her asleep without worrying. Also, she is in daycare and it is a nightmare at nap time :-( ... This response probably didn't help, but I do sympathize and am hoping for more responses to your question that might help me out too!

Kaymee · March 2012

<---- Has a 2 year old who still sleeps with his Momma.

CountryMile · March 2012

I have an almost three year old who bedshares still. It may take a little while for your LO to sleep without you. I wasn't able to until DS was about 18 months old. At that time I would slowly inch away from him after putting him down. I made sure I was near by if I left him and he was safely against the mesh bedrail. GL!

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