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Blended Families
TheBuddha
member
My birthson who came before I was ready. He doesn't call me mom but I love him just the same. ~7/10/99~
parent/teacher conferences last night...how do you handle sharing school info?
TheBuddha
member
So we had SS's parent/teacher conference last night. Since SS lives with us and I do most of his schoolwork with him (DH doesn't get home until dinnertime and SS likes to knock out homework right after school) I really like to go to the conference. I went to the first one this year, and there were no issues (BM showed up as well).
For our conference last night BM showed up again (which pleases me, she didn't enroll him in kindergarten so I like to see her interested in his education now) but she was very catty with me.
The students have some standardized testing coming up next week. This weekend is BM's weekend. When the teacher pointed out there are practice tests on the school's website for these tests I said "BM, since you have SS this weekend, maybe you guys can work on some of those tests?" BM replied with "of course, no problem". Ok good.
The BM goes on to say "I'm very familiar with that website because I look at your (teacher's) newsletter every week. THAT IS THE ONLY WAY I KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON".
It is that last statement in all caps that got me. We have a folder that goes between the houses. Every 2 weeks I gather up all the homework, quizzes, tests and any report cards for SS and put it in that folder. He takes it with him, then returns it empty. BM keeps all his work. This does not bother me at all, but I (or DH, it's not just up to me, DH does his part too) send her everything.
How do you keep the non-CP up to date on what is going on in school? Do you call them daily? Weekly? Scan and email homework? I just don't have time for that. Besides, I can't help thinking she didn't care about his education before (main reason we won custody) and now she has the nerve to tell the teacher she has no idea what is going on.
I did reply very calmly "well that is not true, I send you all his homework every time he visits" and we moved on.
Was she just trying to be a b!tch? Or is there another way we can keep her more informed of schoolwork if she really is feeling like she doesn't know what is going on?
And for the record, her answer would be that she needs to talk to SS on the phone every day to ask him about school. However SS does not want to talk on the phone every day, so we only make him call every third day or so.
My birthson who came before I was ready. He doesn't call me mom but I love him just the same. ~7/10/99~This discussion has been closed.
Re: parent/teacher conferences last night...how do you handle sharing school info?
It could just be that you're misinterpreting a bit. The teacher's newsletter presumably addresses different stuff than what you're sending in the folder. The one DS's teacher sends home talks about what's coming up (tests, learning expeditions, events, etc), and things they need in the class room (volunteer opportunities and supplies). DS would never talk to me about any of that stuff, and I'd have no idea if I just saw his homework and report cards and stuff.
BUT, it isn't your job to keep her informed. She has two legs, two hands, and a voice. She can go to the school, send emails, make phone calls, and ask questions if there are things she wants to know.
XH never asks anything, but I send him academic update emails after every progress report or report card (9 each year), and after each parent/teacher conference (2 each year). If he wanted more than that, he could ask for it or establish some communication with his teacher.
I would see that as a reflection on the teacher or Bm- not you. SS's teacher sends emails to us all (Including Bm's parents because they believe they are the parents of SS.) Thats how we stay informed because if you leave it up to SS he doesn't even remember if he ate his lunch or not on a given day.
Per Bm our shared parenting is just she does her parenting thing her way and we do ours our way so our communication is absolutely minimal
Thank you for this paragraph. I know it is true, I just forget because I just want to be the peacemaker. You're right, it's not my job to inform her. The teacher does send an extra newsletter home every week and I include it in her folder along with the homework. But BM can get the newsletter online, which it appears that she does. BM did contact the teacher and ask the teacher to make copies of all assignments and all of SS's homework so she could have a copy. The teacher contacted DH and said she just doesn't have time for that...can he make sure to share the homework with BM....DH said of course and that is what we do.
But to imply that we don't tell her anything in front of the teacher was low, in my opinion. The teacher does know the backstory, though, so I shouldn't worry and just ignore nasty comments from BM.
Oh...and the comments about your children not remember what happened in school! YES! Good point. Thank you. That is a perfect response to her "I need to talk to S daily so I know what is going on".
Yes ma'am. Thank you for your post. Sometimes I just need reminding I suppose.
I'd stop sending the stuff for a couple of weeks and see if she says anything. Maybe she just needs to see what it's like to really not know what's going on.
But that is passive aggressive. So instead I will suggest that going forward you ask to schedule conferences separate from BM. Then you don't have to listen to her spewing garbage.
We tried. There are just too many students and our school does not schedule seperate conferences.
We just won custody at the beginning of last year, so I am thinking the more time that goes by, the less she is going to come to these things. She lives 2 hours away...so if she was to ever get a job (36 and no job, she lives at home w/ her parents) she wouldn't be able to come to a 5:30 conference anyway.
ITA! exh did the same exact thing at our parent teacher conference, and had the teacher believing him. It made me so annoyed!
Now that the teacher thinks that I leave exh out of the loop she goes out of her way to include him, but before that I had just provided his email address to the school along with mine, to make sure that all of the email updates went to us both. I also make sure he sees dc's report card, and got him his own copy of the school calendar and directory. I think that is enough, personally.
Does your court order give any details? Mine just says we are entitled to complete, detailed info from school, and that we must furnish copies of reports that we receive from the school to the other party. I think I am following that by what I am currently doing.
I could go through the whole back story but I just can't right now. There is nothing wrong with a mother wanting to call her son every day after school...if that was what it was really about. But it is not.
SS has asked that he be able to call his mom if something different or exciting happened and tell her about it. Otherwise it is just her grilling him about things going on in our house and SS is irritated with it. It went on for over a year before DH respected SS's wishes to not have to make daily phone calls.
Please don't judge me. I am not trying to come between a BM and her son. SS has access to the phone every day, he just doesn't want to call every day simply because of the same questions that are always asked, including "Was Buddha mean to you today?"
Um, not so much. But thanks for your helpful response.