I was on a bump break, but I'm on the verge of a break down... (pg mentioned) — The Bump
TTC After a Loss

I was on a bump break, but I'm on the verge of a break down... (pg mentioned)

I just don't get it. I'm "pretending" to be okay with this around DH because it stresses him out when I'm upset and the last thing he needs right now is more stress... but I'm about to burst into tears if I don't at least type it out.

DH has no family in Indiana. All of his family lives in WI and TN. Well, his Aunt (from WI) just sent around an email to "warn" us that his 16 year old cousin is pregnant and is due September 15. I can't say that I'm surprised, as she has always been really rebellious, but WHY!? 

Why is she experiencing a perfectly healthy pregnancy and I'm struggling to get pregnant after a loss? I hate that it's not me. I hate even more that I have to spend a week up in WI at her house and we always get her room during the 4th of July. I will have my SIL who will be due in four weeks at that time on one side of me and his cousin who is just 4 weeks behind her on the other side.

I am crushed. Hurt. And so angry.

I sent a private email back to his Aunt to just encourage her because I know she is stuggling. My own sister was pregnant at 15... but it doesn't change the fact that I just feel...

cheated.

Re: I was on a bump break, but I'm on the verge of a break down... (pg mentioned)

  • ((Huge Hugs)) I am so sorry you are going through that. I wish I had some advice for you, but know that we are here whenever you need to vent.
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers BabyFruit Ticker
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  • You're right; it sucks. 

    ((HUGS))

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  • I'm sorry. It's just all so unfair. ((HUGS))
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  • I know exactly how you're feeling. 

    Life just isn't fair. I catch myself looking around at of women all day like "why didn't my pregnancy work out when all these women get KU and have easy pregnancies?" (even though I don't know their story).

    Sucks. 

  • I'm so sorry.  I know how horrible this feels.  ((HUGS)) Even if you're taking a break from TB, know we're always here for support if you need it.
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  • I'm so sorry you got hit with this on top of everything else.  ((((HUGS)))) to you! 

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  • I'm sorry.  That's just brutal.  Big ((((HUGS))))

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  • You WILL have your take home baby. I have struggled with similar situations as well, but I continue to tell myself that it is not a better situation to have a baby that you are not ready for. I know I will have a baby one day, and I love my baby more then words can say already. I will wait as long as God has planned and do whatever I have to for my baby. Keep your head up and try to stay positive. I think its time to talk to your husband. He may be stressed out, but this is something you have to get through together. These are the situations that were in your vows, "for better or for worse". Its ok to be sad, hurt, and angry. I am sure we have all had these days. Lots of them. This situation SUCKS, there is no way to sugar coat it. But only you can decide your outlook on this. You can choose to let it defeat you or you can use this as a way to strengthen your marriage and build your character. Sorry that was kind of long....
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    Big hugs. Life just doesn't make a whole lot of sense right now, does it? I'm happy to offer you support anytime, and I'm sure the other ladies feel the same. Lots of love.
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  • I'm sorry, you have been dealing with a lot lately and this just sound like icing on the cake. ((hugs))
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    TTC#1 starting Feb 2011, BFP #1:5/31/11, CP: 6/6/11; BFP #2: 7/9/11, loss confirmed 8/3 with D&C on 8/12 finding complete molar pregnancy. Forced break until Feb 2012. My blog image
  • I'm just so sorry. I hate that this is happening right now on top of everything else. But you will make it through this, just like you're making it through what you're already facing. Just take it one day at a time.

    Don't spend the next four months dreading having to see them together ... Cross that bridge when you get there. Hopefully, you'll be the pregnant one in between them! Don't lose hope ... Y'all will have a child one day.

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    We lost our first (EDD 07/23/12) after finding out at 12 weeks there was no longer a heartbeat. Our rainbow was born 05/22/13 and was worth all we went through.

    “So can you understand? Why I want a daughter while I’m still young? I wanna hold her hand and show her some beauty before all this damage is done. But if it’s too much to ask, it’s too much to ask … Then send me a son.” – Arcade Fire
  • I am so sorry you are going through this.  I am sure it is very difficult.  I sincerely hope that your DHs cousin has a support network around her that will help her when that little baby arrives.  While it is unfair that a young woman who is not mentally, emotionally or financially ready for a child gets to have one now, we all know it is certainly not that little baby's fault and in order for that little one to have the life it deserves, it is going to take a village.  You are part of that village and someday you will be able to go there emotionally.  You are having a difficult time right now and that is most definitely to be expected and is completely normal.  Do whatever you have to do to deal with it and move forward one step at a time. 

    While you will not have your own lo when the other members of your extended family have theirs, hopefully you will be expecting by then.  FX for you that things look better soon.  Also, don't hide your disappointment and being upset from your DH, he is there for you and he is the one person you don't have to fake it til you make it around.  He would rather know you are hurting now, then find out later that you needed him, but were afraid to burden him.

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  • Holy moly, I've been trying to reply to you all morning! Stupid errors!

    Anyway, (((HUGS))) to you. I completely understand how you feel. My cousin's teenage daughter is pg, due only a few weeks after my original EDD. My cousin, who's in her 30's, will be a grandmother before I am even a mother! What makes it even worse is that she rubs it in. She doesn't know about my losses, but still. 

    Life is so unfair! Good things should happen to good people before they happen to not-so-good people. Hopefully you'll be in a better place emotionally before July 4th, but if not, do you have to go? I do think it was considerate of DH's aunt to give you the heads up. I also think you're amazing for being supportive of his aunt while she is struggling.

    Keep your chin up!

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  • I'm really sorry you're going through this. I hope today is a better day for you.  Sending hugs!
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  • I'm sorry you have to deal with this.  Your feelings are warranted though, hun.  Hang on tight and focus on DH.  Is there someone else you can express your feelings too other than here?  I know this board is full of support and care but sometimes you just have to talk with someone face to face to feel a bit better.  :)  HUGS

    Lilypie - (dLe1)

     

          ***BFP 1-22-13, baby boy dx with Trisomy 13 at 15 weeks.

           We let him go to Heaven on 4-27-13 at 17 weeks 1 day***

     Lilypie - (AW2u)
     

     Lilypie - (L84X)Lilypie - (D4Hj)

     

     

     

     

  • **HUGS**, just big squishy **HUGS** Sad
  • ((huge hugs))
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  • Thank you ladies! I tried to reply last night but the error messages were out of freaking control.

    I am doing better today... I ended up scrubbing the house from top to bottom which seemed to relieve a lot of my stress.

    Her parents really want to her to consider adoption and she refuses to even think about it. DH saw her FB page today and said she has belly bump pictures and status updates every where - like it's cool. Which if she were older, responsible, and financially stable, I would be okay with that - but she's not... this isn't a "cool" thing.

    I just hope that she does what is best for that little one. DH's other Aunt responded to the original email basically saying that she truly hopes that she decides to do what's best and give the baby up to a stable couple that wants more than anything to have a child. This Aunt that responded was never able to have children of her own and adopted herself.

    I am praying hard that I'm pregnant by then. If I am, I don't know if I will be past that time that I tell everyone yet, but at least I will know and it will put me more at ease.

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