Thoughts on age differance in relationships

katib77 · February 2012

Eww. I just saw a pic on FB of a HS classmate of mine with a girl and thought it might be his daughter (who is about 14) but nope, it's his new girlfriend. I admit I went to her page and she's 12 years younger than us. He's 33, she's 21. I know I'm six years younger than my husband...but does anyone think more than 10 years before you're middle aged is kind of creepy? Like if he was 45 and she was 33 it'd be another story. But she just started going to bars. And she's closer in age to his child then to her. Am I grossed out for no reason?

csmith2249 · February 2012

I'm probably not the best person to answer this, given that I am 27 and my husband is 41. In our case, I am a lot more mature than most people my age, and my husband and I had a great friendship before we were dating/married. To be honest, I forget about the age difference a lot of the time because we work so well together. Is it strange that I am 27 with four teenage stepchildren? Probably. But I think "grossed out" is a bit harsh.

nycitygirl1 · February 2012

33 and 21 is a big age difference and I agree with you, that 45 and 33 is totally different. By that point in your life you are both "middle age" and presumably want the same things in life and are at the same stage of maturity.

But 21 is just a baby! I think about all of the people I knew at that age (and how I behaved) and can't imagine being in a relationship with someone who is 33. And he must be the "creepy old guy" at all of the parties he goes to with her.

rjade9 · February 2012

My husband is 12 years older than me. Some younger people are more mature than others in their age group and may have been through things that made them more mature. This was the case with myself, I know its hard to not judge though and I know people do judge but I just laugh it off.

Durham1008 · February 2012

I don't think there's a generic answer for all age differences. It depends on the circumstances and the personalities of the people involved. A lot of people think it's weird that I'm older than my husband. But he was more mature than any of the people my age I had dated.

Native+Girl · February 2012

I "dated" a guy who was 35 when I was 23. It didn't last very long because sadly, I was the mature one in that relationship. I will say it was mostly physical. He was a beautiful specimen of a man.

That being said, I'm not a huge fan of that big of a gap that young, but it does depend on the people. I can see how it might work if the younger person is more mature (or I guess if the older person was very immature which would be sad in itself). It doesn't really gross me out, but I wouldn't put much stock in that type of relationship.

ungraceful13 · February 2012

Age difference is not a big deal to me. My aunt and my uncle are 13 years apart. Yes 21 is young not all 21 year olds are partying it up in a frat house and not all 33 year olds are hanging out at home going to bed early. To me it depends on the people involved.

violetmarie61516 · February 2012

It doesn't really "gross me out" but I definitely thinks it's weird. My sister is 8 years older than me and just married a man two years younger than me. She's now 36 and he is 25 at the moment. I don't agree but what are you to do?

RRL2012 · February 2012

It usually grosses me out. There's a few times I haven't felt that way, but most times it creeps me out... Mostly I'm wondering why this older man is robbing the cradle and what's wrong with him that is causing it...I know that's judgey but it's how I often feel.

Foxlover · February 2012

Durham1008:
I don't think there's a generic answer for all age differences. It depends on the circumstances and the personalities of the people involved.

Whatever makes them happy. They are the only ones that can decide what is right and wrong for them.

Svenny1011 · February 2012

It doesn't necessarily gross me out, but I do think it is a disaster waiting to happen given her age. Being only 21, she has sooooo much life to experience. It would be hard to imagine her settling down so young with an older guy, especially if he has children (if he does). She needs to sow her oats with guys her own age! (kidding, sort of). So, in conclusion, I'd say that it wouldn't be surprising if she ditched him in the near future. Like you said, if she was past all that and was 33 and he was 45, totally different story.

I will say that, despite always being a bit more mature for my age, even now in my 30's a 6 year age difference between me and DH seems like a lot sometimes......

sarah_e87 · February 2012

Age differences like that don't bother me. As long as both parties are consenting adults, then to each his own. I know quite a few couples who have a 10+ year age difference. My grandparents were 13 years apart. DH's old coworker is 16 years older than his fiance.

ETA: I have always prefered men that are at least 7 years older than me (because I'm "mature" for my age). Before DH and I reconnected, I was dating someone 15 years older than me because I wasn't interested in partying it up like most 21 year olds.

Lightdrwr · March 2012

I think it depends on where you are in your life. When I was 20, I briefly dated a 30 year old. I myself wondered what a 30 year old would see in a 20 year old at first but we were kind of in the same place in life in that I was just graduating from college and starting my career and he was in law school and doing his externships. We both lived in apartments on the opposite side of the block from each other. Still, I wondered about the age difference and asked him about it. He came from a large family and had a sister my age and was very close to her and would hang out with her and her friends so it didn't seem like a big deal that I was that much younger.

I don't have a problem with age differences as long as both people are adults and know how old the person they are dating actually is. I know someone in his mid 30s who is dating girls in their early 20s and telling them he is in his late 20s. Now that, I have a problem with.

Jezebell26 · March 2012

I personally think its creepy. But thats just for my life and my lifestyle. I usually dated older men and when I was 18 my bf at the time was 23 and that didn't go over too well cause I was a senior in HS and he didnt mention that to his parents lol whoops. I like to stay within a few years older than me. I cant help but wonder if he is re living the glory days with that one.....

katib77 · March 2012

Well, like I said - I am six years younger than my husband. And sometimes the age differance is obvious...but mainly only when we are referencing something from pop culture from the past and I'll be like "OMG, I remember this! I was in 8th grade when this song was popular." And DH is like "I was in college at that point." Ummm, yeah.

Really I think it's that she is just 21. Working in retail, I am around a lot of kids about that age (18-22) and I have very little in common with them. I have much more to talk about with the 40, 50 and even 60 year olds!

Amyaggie97 · March 2012

I agree with many of the pp, it depends. I question the judgement of people when there is an age gap at that young of an age, but I also dated someone 10 years older than me at that age. It was a phase and didn't last long.

My DH is 5 years younger than me and it works for us. My mom & step-dad are 17 years apart and have been married for almost 30 years. But they didn't get together until my mom was in her late 20's. So it really depends.

Blsd4given · March 2012

I think it sort of depends on the circumstances too. If it's a 33 year old that isn't interested in someone unless they're 21 or younger... That's one thing. I know a guy that trolls the mall looking for younger women.. and he's several years older than me. I wouldn't put my marriage in the same category as his relationships just because the age differences may ultimately be similar.

Even though, I've never meshed well with guys my own age... and definitely not younger. Neither DH nor I started out looking for someone that much older/younger. DH and I are 12/13 years apart. We've been together for 11 years... and married for 6. It works for us... He acts younger than he is... And I act older than I am. So, I guess it balances out.

I think calling it a disaster waiting to happen, as a PP did, is a little offensive to my marriage - and marriages like mine. But everyone is entitled to their own opinion and feelings.. And that's perfectly fine. I certainly don't expect someone to jump on the age difference train just because I enjoy the ride... Smile

loulou182 · March 2012

Age is just a number. I don't find that weird at all.

huco30 · March 2012

Age difference does not bother me at all. I just feel like you can help who love or who you are attracted to.

huco30 · March 2012

Age difference does not bother me at all. I just feel like you cannot help who love or who you are attracted to.

vpine · March 2012

When I was 24, I was dating a 38 yr old, we even lived together at one point. I was still in the partying phase and he was probably going through mid-life crisis or something now that I think about it because he bought a red viper and was going to parties and clubs with me. I didn't feel that he was old, he looked really good and worked out. If he had wanted to stay home and go to sleep early, it wouldn't have lasted longer than a weekend, lol. I do think 21 is too young for a 33 yr old but if they're on same level and have same interests, good for them, it's most likely for fun and for the meantime....

Thoughts on age differance in relationships

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