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December 2010 Moms
theuntaggablek
member
Boundary setting & clean-up
theuntaggablek
member
Just wondering what you all do when LO is getting into things that aren't dangerous, but will require a few minutes of clean-up.
I'm generally of the mind that exploring is a way of learning, so we allow S to play with the pots and pans and/or tupperware drawer while cooking dinner. We've moved anything breakable up high, and let him take books off of the lowest shelves. We watch closely and have child locks and watch to make sure that he doesn't get into things that aren't safe: glass dishes, silverware drawer, trash cans, etc., and don't let him play in some areas.
The other morning, as we were busy getting ready, he started moving all of the shirts and onesies in his dresser to a different drawer - where sweaters are kept. Not dangerous at all, and it occupied him, but kind-of a pain to clean up. I started to think that maybe my life would be easier (no longer constantly cleaning up) if we set firmer boundaries about what stuff is fair game for exploration.
How much do you let LO explore? What's off limits?
What do *you* do you set up boundaries for stuff he can't touch? Does LO respect them?
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Re: Boundary setting & clean-up
I'm no help since we pretty much let him explore anywhere/anything in our house as long as it's not dangerous.
We have the cabinets with breakables/chemicals baby-locked in the kitchen and bathrooms. But besides that we pretty much let him explore and make a mess. We also have toys for him in pretty much every room. His room is obviously full of toys and we actually play in there quite a bit. The living room has a big storage ottoman filled with toys, there is one bottom drawer in the kitchen with all the baby cups/bowls/spoons/etc that he's free to open up and play with. We even have a bottom drawer in our master bathroom with toys in it and he plays with those while we take our showers in the mornings.
Sometimes he makes a mess (ex: takes all of my shoes out of my closet) but so far we just let it happen. If I have time then I'll start to clean up and encourage LO to help me "(ok, now let's put all the shoes away. Can you help me? Where does this one go?"). If I'm crunched for time then I just leave the mess and clean it up when LO is sleeping. We usually spend about 15-20 mins right after he goes to sleep at night just tiding up the house.
Griff usually likes to open our pantry and throw everything on the floor and then put it back. I was okay with this but it totally is starting to be a pain in the butt lol. So during the day DH doesn't let Griff in the pantry anymore. If Griffs looks like hes about to open the doors, DH will stop and redirect him. In the evenings when I'm home he doesn't even try anymore.
Griff sometimes likes to move his clothes from one drawer to another and I'm fine with that.
When my parents watch him, he gets into the tupperware cupboard a lot and I think my parents just take a few tupperware out for Griff to play with and then close the cupboard doors.
Griffs probably confused as to what he can and can't open now (lol) but I think I'm more easy going with it all. As long as its nothing dangerous, I don't really care.
I let him do whatever, as long as it isn't dangerous. Then I try to make him be a part of the clean up.
MH is more about setting boundaries, but I feel like he's too young to discern b/w what we said is ok to play with vs something we said is not ok to play with just for the heck of it.
One of DS' favorite things to do is take ALL of the paper and cardboard recycling out of the basket. I let him do it, and now he also enjoys putting everything back in the basket...of course, not always. But that's a quick clean up for me.
It honestly depends on my mood at the moment. DS also started pulling everything out of his drawers. I know that I'm not being consistent, but sometimes it's ok for him to do that, and sometimes I don't feel like folding up all his clothes again! I just try to distract him with something else. He also likes to play with tissues and the toilet paper. If the box is almost empty, I let him pull out the remaining tissues. If it's full, I don't want him pulling out 150 tissues! Same with the toilet paper.
I guess I should be more consistent, but while I do want to keep things somewhat orderly, I also want him to be abe to enjoy things that aren't his usual toys.
DH is strict on boundaries but if it's just me and J, I generally let him do whatever as long as it isn't harmful (like climbing all over the darn fireplace!)
He really likes to take the bowls out of the cabinet and play with them. I try to redirect him but if he's adament on playing with them I just make him help clean up. I know I should be more consistent... I really gotta work on it ;/
This is a really great question, and it's interesting to read what everyone does!
I tend to let Jack make messes with things that won't take me very long to clean up. But I have a feeling doing things that way confuses him. Like I would let him throw all the unfolded laundry off the couch, but I wouldn't let him throw the folded laundry off because I'd have to do all the work over again.
I know that he's too young to understand why I don't let him throw the folded ones off, but I guess I'm hoping that he will see a difference one day.
As for his toys and books and stuff I let him make a huge mess all day and we have him help us clean it up a little before he goes to bed.
Hmm..I'm a bad parent! I'm a big ol' meanie at work (teach), but I let my kid do all sorts of things. For example, he moved all daddy's underwear to our closet the other day. My solution? Close the closet door - as in left the underwear in there. I'm just soooo tired!
Edit: We do tell him no to certain things. If it's going to make a huge mess that I don't want to clean up - like taking all the diapers out of the basket - then I obviously don't let him do this. We are really cracking down on throwing food too.
We have not been good about gates/locks/babyproofing in part because we have not found solutions that have worked with our apartment & furniture (we even bought some stuff, realized it did not work, etc a few times....ugh.) So we just let DS roam wherever, but we have to watch him like a hawk to make sure he doesn't get into certain things.
I see 3 levels of "trouble" a toddler can get into:
1) dangerous (hot oven, electrical outlet, knives, windows that can be climbed out of, things like glass that will cause injury when shattered, water, soap/medicine/poison.) For this category, we say no, move LO out of the area, and try to minimize the risk in the first place, though as I said we've been bad with baby proofing.
2) un-fixable damage, but not dangerous. If something is fragile but would not cause injury when broken, it would fit in this category. Another good example would be a fancy, non-washable fabric (e.g. LO approaches the couch with markers.) An example that is relevant to us is DS's desire to put things in water that should not go in water, such as a package of bandaids. I try hard to redirect but will eventually just have to say no in these cases. I don't want my stuff messed up (actually the bandaids are no big deal, but if it were the fabric on an antique or something, that's different.)
3) reversible damage, but annoying. This is what I think most people are talking about here, such as when LO takes books off the shelf, plays with kitchen items, takes all of the toys out of the bin, etc. I never care one lick about this. I think it is easier because DH and I both work. DS doesn't cause much damage during the week because he's just not playing for more than an hour or so at home. On the weekend I don't mind having all of the toys strewn about our entire house, because I just need to clean it up at the end. DH is more of a neat freak so he does sort of mind, but he is surprisingly chill about this particular issue, which I love, because I know it would be hard on him if he were not.
That being said, if DS is starting to get into some cabinet or something when it's time to get going to daycare or when we're expecting people or something like that, I will just try to redirect/distract so that he plays with something less disruptive.
I also try to show him cleaning up, but don't always do it. Luckily they do that at daycare, and I've seen it rub off on DS. He sometimes puts things away (or tries to!)
This is all really fascinating! I thought I was the only one with a mostly-free range kid and was afraid I was being too lenient, so I'm glad I'm not alone.
Also, I love the categories in the prior message - and especially that your LO likes to put band-aids in water - soooo sounds like something mine would do! It seems to me that another variety of the second category is the creation of messes that aren't dangerous, but expensive (e.g. unrolling the toilet paper and ripping it up into small bits). I try to avoid that, too...but mostly through simply putting the toilet paper up high on the windowsill!
I'm generally ok with the "reversible damage, but annoying" and allow it most of the time. We even have awesome videos of my LO rolling potatoes across the floor. I just was starting to think that if I didn't spend the 20-30 minutes per day doing the quick pick-up, that I might have time to actually clean something properly! (And could have people over that didn't have kids and so have immaculate houses!)
I'll let it go, I guess - though also make an effort to show LO how to clean up, too. Tonight, after watching me empty the dishwasher, he started to put clean silverware back in the dishwasher. He sort-of gets the concept, I guess!
I think our only boundary is food throwing, whether it is distance or just over the side to the dogs. If he starts that then meal time is over and we will try again an hour or so later. It doesn't happen very often, and when I end the meal early for bad behavior it can result in a melt down but he does it so rarely.
However, exploring wise....as long as its not dangerous we let him go at it and redirect when the mess is getting out of control or I don't feel like picking stuff up. We now do some constructive play where I'll take non toy items and we play with them.... this week I had a bag of the little craft pompoms and ice cube trays and we practiced putting the pom poms in the little ice cube holes and then into a plastic basket that had lots of holes in the design that fit the pompoms. We also play make believe with forks/spoons (not the baby kind), and tupperware. Clothing though.....he doesn't play in his own drawers yet, but he knows how to open ours and all my and DH's underwear/socks/pjs are all intermixed with one another because I'm too lazy to resort and he is now starting to put stuff back into drawers so thats half the battle. I try and show him how to clean up, and he's is starting to get the idea, but still too little to help yet.
I kind of let him do his own thing. But as a SAHM if something is keeping him entertained for 5 minutes I don't mind cleaning up after him because otherwise he's whining at my feet. When I fold his laundry he usually takes it out of the basket, puts it all on the floor in a pile, then brings me each piece one by one and I fold it and put it up high enough where he can't reach it.
We'll work on it as he gets older. I'm not worried about it right now. Anything I don't want him messing with I do where he can't reach or when he's asleep or otherwise occupied.