Rant

Re: Rant

• TheBuddha member

  March 2012

  Oh dear.  I think you are allowed to rant on this one.

  It sounds like you and SO are just starting out on your family journey (first baby yes?) so you are going to have to learn to just let what she says roll off.  It will probably be this way for many years and this won't be the last thing she does like this.

  Next time you and SO want to tell SD about a new baby or anything else, you and SO decide if it is the right time.  Because of her vindictiveness (is that a word?) you probably won't be able to consult with her because she will just say no.  My SS's BM is the same way.  Every question is always no.  So why ask?

  My birthson who came before I was ready. He doesn't call me mom but I love him just the same. ~7/10/99~

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• Nineoceans member

  March 2012

  First of all: gross that she would come on to your dh like that. Second of all I would NEVER allow Bm to dictate when we communicate things with SS. That would lead to us resenting her. She doesn't get to make major decisions for us and we dont her. She chose a really messed up, emotionally upsetting way to tell SS about her pregnancy and it's all good she has the right to ruin her relationship with SS all she wants. When we tell SS about our pregnancy it will be in a loving, positive way.

  So anyways, I feel your vent but don't give her the power to make decisions for you next time  

  

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• kmartinez80 member

  March 2012

  Wait, I'm confused, did BM tell SD about the baby that BM is carrying or the baby you are carrying?  I guess I read it that BM told SD that BM was going to have a baby, did I read that wrong?

  

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• FutureMrsWittig member

  March 2012

  You're not wrong for being upset.  That's legitimate.  But being upset is letting her win.  It's exactly what she was trying to accomplish.

  SO needs to tell her he'll be busy raising his own kids, with you.

  Mama of 2: one who grew in my womb, both who grow in my heart.

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• AohKay

  March 2012

  We wanted to involve BM in the decision of when was right to tell SS because we felt it would be a much easier time with her if we involved her and let her not necessarily make the decision but at least have some part so that she doesnt feel we went behind her back. She has a very big issue with us talking to SS without her knowing before hand, she has made a big fuss in the past with things like us telling her about living together and so on. We wanted to try and make this a smooth transition for SS and felt that having all involved on the same page was the best way to do this. She asked us to wait and then told SS about her pregnancy and THEN told SO about it. So he found out after SS. I understand that she did not calculatingly get pregnant but I do feel that she manipulated the situation so that SS would find out about her pregnancy first. Not to mention I felt we were doing the right thing in attempting to co-parent and she went and pulled the rug out from under us with the whole situation.

   Oh yes when she suggested the getting back together fiasco, he shut it down. He said that she needs to be happy in her own relationship and that we are happy and moving forward with ours and she just needs to leave it at that.

  

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• Ginlyn0 member

  March 2012

  I'm sorry but I don't think she did anything wrong in regards to telling her son about the pregnancy. Think about it this way:

  She was pregnant first and hadn't told her son yet probably because from the way it sounds she is not in a stable relationship. You and your DH came along and told her you were pregnant but you aren't nearly as far along as she is. She probably figured, well she better tell her son he's going to be a big brother before you do because she is going to have the baby first and didn't want to shock him when you told him he was going to be a big brother and then she has a baby first.....

  She could have told him months ago, perhaps she was struggling with how to tell him and then decided she had better bite the bullet since you were going to tell him but were having a baby much later than she was and figured well, if they can tell him so can I.

  Her pregnancy which occurred much earlier than yours is not a competition with you. You need to get out of that mindset or you are going to have far worse problems later on.

  ETA: I wrote "him" in this because your last response said SS, but going back I see that you said SO's daughter...so which is it? Is this MUD?
  

  DD(14),SD(13),SS(11),SS(9),DS(3)
  
  

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