Half Baby Related, Half Marriage Related

nataliekristin · February 2012

This is my scenario:

My boyfriend and I are pregnant, 10 weeks at this point. We discussed getting married asap. However, due to finances, its most favorable for me to continue living with my dad and stepfamily until a little bit before the baby is born. My dad will not let me live with him once I get married/baby is born. I can't go anywhere else because I borrow his car as well which gets me to work. (Unfortunately, I am very financially dependent, I am 19) My future mother in law booked our wedding date for August which means that the wedding is booked for when I will be 8 months prego That is the soonest day. I am Greek Orthodox and it is tradition to have a wedding in the church (taken very seriously). I have a huge insecurity about having a watermelon stomach on my wedding day. I know this sounds selfish but I never dreamed of being huge on my special day. I don't know if I should just suck it up and get over the fact that I am pregnant and that the ceremony and religious part is what is important, or if we should put off the wedding until 4-5 months after baby is born. I am completely torn here. I had in mind doing a courthouse wedding but I know that doesn't correspond with the Greek church's tradition. SOMEONE GIVE ME ADVICE HERE AND WHAT YOU WOULD DO....

Sidenote: Hubby says it's up to me.

RachelOC · February 2012

Hmmmm I dont have any input on the date of the wedding. But if you do decide to have it before the baby comes, I suggest trying a ball gown type wedding dress in order to hide the belly a bit. I was actually pregnant in august (unfortunately miscarried) but we started planning my wedding in January, so I would have had a bump by then. I tried on all my dresses with a fake belly attachment that they have at maternity store fitting rooms and with the ball gowns you could not even tell that I had that huge thing under there. The dress I'm actually wearing in my siggy picture is the same one I picked out as a pregnancy dress and it worked out fine either way. Also, really really important is to get a dress with the straps that tie up and down, not a zipper. When they take your measurements, it might not always be the size you end up on your wedding day. If you have the straps it gives a lot of leeway in case your bigger or smaller than you expected, with a zipper, it either fits on the day or it doesn't.

Sorry, I know this does not answer any of your questions but its info that I wish someone had given me in advance lol!

irish city girl · February 2012

I, personally, think it's going to be too difficult to plan a wedding with a newborn. My friend tried to do it and ended up postponing the wedding until her daughter was about one. The first couple months after baby is born are rough and filled with sleep deprivation. I have planned a wedding and I have had a baby. I cannot imagine doing both at the same time. I understand not wanting to be very pregnant at your wedding, but I think it would be tough to plan a wedding for 4-5 months after the birth. I'm sure people have done it, but why stress yourself out more than you need to?

bellbaby12 · February 2012

I don't think you sound selfish at all, thinking about what you will look like on your wedding day. It is totally valid to feel that way and to worry about it. At first I was thinking, "this girl should just wait to get married" but your situation may be way more complicated given your financial situation, and your possible religious and/or personal reasons for being married before the baby arrives. I think this is a conversation best left for you and your fiance-- he shouldn't leave it up to you. This is a decision for both of you-- 1) you are BOTH having the baby and 2) you are BOTH getting married! And by the way, congrats on your impending baby and marriage!! It is an exciting time and you will make the right decision. Just think it through and do what you and your fiance think is best. No one else should be telling you what to do...not your dad, mother-in-law, or bump readers!

eav2c · February 2012

It really is what you are most comfortable with. Who is paying for the wedding? I would personally wait til after baby is born and you can financially support yourself and LO. At this point, seems to me that if you are that financially supported by your dad that it'd be best to invest your money into your LO rather than a wedding. Honestly between pregnancy, moving out, marriage, and having a baby... that is a lot of change and a lot that is required of one in term of finances.

nataliekristin · February 2012

Thanks for your input. It all was very helpful. I will have to come to a decision too. Luckily my man is being supportive and he's taking the reigns. I know itll all work out. I am now leaning more toward having the wedding before baby.

crystalsand · March 2012

Is it possible to go ahead and do a courthouse wedding right now and then after the baby is born go ahead and have the church wedding? Or maybe see if you can have the wedding with just immediate family during the week at the church? I don't know much of anything about Greek Orthodox to know if that is even possible. One of the things you may want to think about is if you are planning on raising the child in the church. My husband is Catholic and I am not. We got married in the Catholic church because even though we didn't have kids right away, we weren't sure if we wanted to raise our children in the Catholic church. Ultimately it is your wedding day and it is going to be a day you will remember. I am sure you will look beautiful no matter what you decide.

UrbanLe1 · March 2012

I was engaged when we found out we were pregnant the first time, and the wedding was still far away (it was July, wedding the next May). We decided to have a small legal ceremony for only family, then kept our party date in May--our son was 3 months old at our reception.

I know that this might not have worked for everyone, but it worked for us. We wanted to be married right away for all of the legal reasons, but we didn't want to give up a chance to celebrate--because we had a lot to celebrate! DH had just graduate from medical school, I had passed my big exams for grad school, we'd been together for eight years, and we had this AMAZING child. Having a baby at our "wedding" was wonderful. It wasn't a big deal in terms of planning--essentially everything was done early in my pregnancy, so the only thing I had to do once the baby was here was the food tasting for the caterer. I had a wonderful wedding planner who took care of lots of the details. It was one of the best nights I've ever had, and it was a million times more special because our son was there, too.

It sounds to me like you're leaning towards waiting--and honestly, I think that's a great idea. If you don't want to be pregnant at your wedding, that's YOUR decision--not your mom's or even your priest's. And while it might be a bit harder to plan a wedding during your pregnancy, it's absolutely possible. And, I don't want to sound patronizing, so don't take it that way, but you guys are still really young (DH and I were 27 when all of this happened to us). You deserve some time to enjoy this pregnancy and begin to understand how much it's going to change about your lives. You shouldn't roll all of these changes up together. Having a baby is one thing, and marriage is another--you deserve to enjoy and celebrate both.

Good luck with your decision, chickadee--don't rush into anything!

bellybaby · March 2012

Either get married now, or wait until you feel good about yourself. I wouldnt worry so much about a strict religious calendar...afterall you are pregnant and I',m sure thats not common practice either!

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