I didn't know it would be like this...

I feel like I never get to see my baby.  I see him briefly in the morning for his early morning feed and morning feed and give him a sponge bath and dress him. Sometimes we do a little bit of play if he can handle it.  It maybe a totals an hour, then I go to work at 7:30am.  When I come home around 5pm, he's either already down for a nap or he's super tired so I put him down.  Lately, because my mom, dh and cousin watch him during the day and aren't able to get him to nap well, he sleeps from the time I get home until I wake him for his night bottle and bath, so I get to see him for maybe another 45 min and 15 minutes of that his eyes are usually closed because he's so tired during his feeding.  I do get to spend all day with him on Saturday and Sunday but he's right here but I still miss him so much. 

 Don't get me wrong, sometimes it's nice because I can get some things accomplished, but mostly I just miss him.  Also, on Sunday I have a convention all day so I'll really only have all day Saturday with him this week.

He's been fussy the past 3 days.  I know there's supposedly a 12 week "wonder" period where they're fussy.  He was fussy at 5 weeks, but he's 13 weeks today.  He also was running a temp of 100 yesterday and has a blocked tear duct, but I blame myself because I'm not there.  DH texted me today and said he cried a lot and all I wanted to do was come home and comfort my baby, but I've only been back full time for a week and can't use all of my PT and vacation right away.  It's got to last the whole year.  I'm just so sad and seeing him not as smiley as usually makes it worse.