Babies: 0 - 3 Months

How do you do it all?!?!

I am a FTM & LO is 1 month, 4 days old.  I am starting to feel super overwhelmed with everything!  How do you do it all????  Between feeding DD, changing her, & pumping, all of this every 2-3 hours, & then when she lets me, putting her down so i can wash bottles & do a load of laundry, I am getting very frustrated with finding time to get the other things done.  The house still needs cleaning, bills need to get paid, grocery store trips & other errands, & there's the ever-growing "to do" list!  How do you keep up with everything?!  I feel like I'm not very good at the whole mommy thing bc I can't balance everything.  Then I feel bad if during the day she's just sitting in her bouncer while I'm running around trying to get some of these things done before its time to feed or pump again.  Shes always sleeping when i do put her down, otherwise she wouldnt let me put her down, lol!  I feel like I should be interacting wih her more or something.  But she is also a bery fussy baby, so i have to soend a great amount of time trying to calm her down after feedings & things.  But what am I supposed to do with her when everytime I put her down she screams & crys...unless shes sleeping of course.  She sleeps pretty well at night, I almost feel like I need to forgo sleep a coupe nights a week & stay up to do the cleaning, etc. when I can!  Any suggestions or advice is so much appreciated!  I'm just getting super bummed & overwhelmed & frustrated.  I hate asking DH to do too much bc he's working during the days.  I feel like I should be able to handle everything, but I'm not doing so!  Thanks & thanks for letting me get it off my chest!

Re: How do you do it all?!?!

  • Don't be afraid to ask your husband for help! You are also "working" all day and night too!

    Do you have any family members that can come help for a few hours during the day? Can you afford to have someone clean your house maybe once a month or every 2 weeks?

    You can't do it all and you need your sleep or else you aren't going to be much good for your daughter.

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  • First of all, don't feel bad asking your H for help. It's his baby too, and it's not like you're sitting around watching tv all day while he works.

    Also, don't feel guilty about putting her down in her bouncer if she's happy. With two I've had to get over the guilty feelings quickly. If she's content take advantage of that and get stuff done. 

    Do you have any family who can come over for a couple of hours? Don't be afraid to ask for help. A baby carrier might be a good option too. I had one in a carrier the other day while the other slept so I could do laundry.

    Honestly, things just don't get done around here like they did before I had the girls. I haven't vacuumed in a while, the tub could use a scrub, and there's stuff out everywhere. I figure I'll have to be better about cleaning when they're mobile but until then I'm not going to stress about it and I just clean when I have help. 

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  • I highly suggest a few things:

    1. Don't be afraid to ask your DH to do more, even though he is working.

    2. Buy a baby carrier. I use a Boba 3G and DS spends about 2-3 hours a day in it either hanging out or sleeping while I fold laundry, do light cleaning, pay bills, etc.

    3. Ease up on yourself! Until you get into a routine as LO gets older, just focus on the basics of your baby! 

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  • Some things just have to wait. Baby is the 1st priority. She's still little and housework won't be perfect for at least a few more months. As a new mom, you just have to realize that all things baby are the most important right now. If other things get done, that's great, but sometimes they won't get done and that's ok. It sounds like you have a LO who is a little more high maintenance, which will make it even harder. Don't beat yourself up and remember that she will grow up and then you'll have more time for those things again. The first few months are hard but hang in there.
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  • Make sure DH is helping! It doesn't matter that he works, this is his child. also, it gets easier. Forget about the cleaning and errands. Focus on you and your baby.
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  • I'm also a FTM, and my DD is 1 month 3 days old... I've really had to let go of a lot of the "shoulds" and "to dos"... my house is A MESS! Which is hard, because I usually keep it so clean and organized. I've really had to limit myself to just do the basics... bills, laundry when she runs out of clothes, feeding us, and of course her care needs... Can you prioritize and let go of some of the things that don't absolutely have to get done? Remembering that it is only for the time being? Do you have anyone who can come over and help with some of the basic household stuff? A relative, friend, co-worker, neighbor? I totally relate to not wanting to ask DH to do a lot, as my DH is also the working one while I'm on leave, but I do ask him to do somethings. He just emptied the dishwasher for instance...

    My DD is also very alert, and doesn't let me put her down much during the day... nor does she sleep much during the day. I would caution you against giving up sleep to do the house hold stuff... sleep is so precious right now, and what we need to keep us going during this challenging time!

     I don't know if any of that helps... I think the most helpful things that I have been thinking about are that this is not going to be what life is like forever (though I know the house will never be as organized as it was pre-baby because of all the new baby stuff that comes a long with her), and that I am not the only FTM or mom at any # of babies dealing with this.

    I've been told it "gets easier" and I have been constantly keeping that in mind too.

    Last thought... make sure you're taking care of yourself. I was feeling very overwhelmed and anxious after the first two weeks (constant anxieties, guilt, overwhelmed thoughts and feelings), and have actually had to seek treatment for postpartum depression- I talked to my OB and DD's pediatrician and worked out a course of treatment. Its just been the last couple days that I've started to feel a little better. I am glad I caught it early, or things could have gotten even worse than they did... Hopefully this isn't what you're dealing with, but just putting it out there.

    Anyway, hope this helps a bit...

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  • I agree with PPs, learn to let a few things slide.  Do the essentials like you are now, when she will let you put her down.  I'm lucky that DD loves her bouncy seat, so when i have to do bills or paperwork for work, I plop myself with the laptop next to her on the floor.  She loves to stare at Mommy and giggle and I get my paperwork done. 

    She loves the vaccum so that gets done at least 3 times a week!  other than that, laundry isn't always folded (DH is good about throwing his clothes in the dryer to de-wrinkle while he jumps in the shower because ironing is out of the question!) Dishes get done when the dishwasher is full.  DH is great about helping even though he works 5 days a week with an hour commute one way.  We go out to eat more than I would like, but this is all temporary.  Once she is older, able to self-entertain (or better yet help) we will have different expectations.

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  • imagesweetky_06:

    I highly suggest a few things:

    1. Don't be afraid to ask your DH to do more, even though he is working.

    2. Buy a baby carrier. I use a Boba 3G and DS spends about 2-3 hours a day in it either hanging out or sleeping while I fold laundry, do light cleaning, pay bills, etc.

    3. Ease up on yourself! Until you get into a routine as LO gets older, just focus on the basics of your baby! 

    ALL of this, absolutely. Especially the baby carrier. I have the infantino sash mei tai and I love it. I can get stuff done without having to put her down. 

    Also, at this age, babies don't need much to entertain them. EVERYTHING is new so something as simple as watching you fold laundry is fascinating. Don't feel like you have to "play" with your LO whenever she's awake.  

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  • Just wanted to add that even if you can't have someone do housework for you, maybe a friend or family member or even a neighbor could come over and just keep LO entertained while you get some stuff done. I'm not great at delegating my chores to the inlays, but it works great for them to play with DD for an hour while I quickly get some other work done.
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  • imagesteph20830:

     I hate asking DH to do too much bc he's working during the days.  I feel like I should be able to handle everything, but I'm not doing so!  Thanks & thanks for letting me get it off my chest!

    I'm also a FTM. I'm not 100% successful (don't look at my floors!!),  but I have managed to keep a short list of to-dos up to date (every day I: shower, brush my teeth, check email, check/do the laundry as needed, do the dishes, make the bed).  If feel you though: I constantly wonder if I'm "bonding" enough, giving her enough enrichment, etc.  But, you just do what you can.  If she needs to be comforted and rocked, that's what you need to do to bond with her.  Eventually she'll be awake more, and you'll be able to do more with her.

    My first thought for you is to check your to-do list, and keep it to the bare minimum.  Second, ask your husband for help!  My husband is also working, but he really wants to be able to spend time with our daughter.  So, when he's home, he gets to rock her, burp her, change her diaper... basically everything besides feeding her.  We've also set up a system on the weekends where he does one night feeding with expressed milk.  She does NOT like the bottle as much as she likes the boob, but she's getting better with it.  And he is really proud when he's able to take care of her from start to finish (meaning, sleep to sleep).   

    You got to sleep though, so don't sacrifice that too much.  However, I will say in the past couple of weeks, my LO has become very efficient at her night feedings (one boob, 15 minutes, and back to sleep).   So I pump at night (because I'm so engorged, I need to).  I'm only pumping once or twice a day though, so that saves a lot of headache.

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  • imageSmittyPants:
    imagesweetky_06:

    I highly suggest a few things:

    1. Don't be afraid to ask your DH to do more, even though he is working.

    2. Buy a baby carrier. I use a Boba 3G and DS spends about 2-3 hours a day in it either hanging out or sleeping while I fold laundry, do light cleaning, pay bills, etc.

    3. Ease up on yourself! Until you get into a routine as LO gets older, just focus on the basics of your baby! 

    ALL of this, absolutely. Especially the baby carrier. I have the infantino sash mei tai and I love it. I can get stuff done without having to put her down. 

    Also, at this age, babies don't need much to entertain them. EVERYTHING is new so something as simple as watching you fold laundry is fascinating. Don't feel like you have to "play" with your LO whenever she's awake.  

    this, plus the first couple of months are all about survival.

    i'm onto baby #2 so i know now how quickly it all goes and i know i will never look back and think, "wow i wish i'd done more housewok" 

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