CPW - "Relax and it will happen!" — The Bump
TTC After a Loss

CPW - "Relax and it will happen!"

Something my aunt said this week made me think of this....

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Re: CPW - "Relax and it will happen!"

  • Relaxing wont make my immune and clotting issues go away so this doesnt apply to me... BUT i do know people that its worked for... but its the exception far more than the rule!
  • It's usually the ignorant ones who had an 'oopsie' baby that give me this advice the most. Go figure.
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  • My thoughts are that while it might work sometimes it's next to impossible to relax on command. So I still want to throat punch any idiot who days such a thing!

    ETA: when we got pregnant the 3rd time it didn't happen fast for us at all. The first 2 times were really quick. We had just met with the RE and made plans to do IUI the very next cycle. We were actually so excited that we weren't going to have to have sex "on command" bc I was ovulating ( the whole TI thing was really a huge stress and downer for us). We didn't even care about the cycle we got pregnant bc of our plans for the next. Then I was KU...so sure, relaxation might have helped me get KU but it didn't do a d$mn thing in saving my baby or my tube!


    [spoiler] My Blog: Grow Baby Grow

    BFP #1: 12/2009 m/c 1/2010 BFP #2: 6/2010 m/c 8/2010

    BFP #3: 10/2011 ectopic 11/2011 (right tube removed, learned left tube was probably nonfunctional due to scar tissue from infection after m/c)

    3 failed IUIs, IVF #1: 18R, 12M, 10F, 3 poor quality 5d embryos transferred= BFP #4!!!!!

    Betas: 9dp5dt: 64 ~14dp5dt: 91 (expecting miscarriage, doubling time of 236 hours) ~16dp5dt: 200~18dp5dt: 500

    First Ultrasound at 6w2d revealed two sacs, only one with a heartbeat

    LK arrived after 42 weeks on August 14, 2013! Beautiful, healthy, and happy!

    TTC#2: IVF booked for April 2015

    Surprise BFP#5 February 19, 2015 EDD: November 2, 2015

    Betas: 10dpo: 10, 14dpo: 77, 17dpo: 270

    First Ultrasound at 5w1d showed a miracle UTE baby! And right ovary ovulation to left fallopian tube.

    JD arrived at 38 weeks on October 20, 2015.

    TTC #3: Since October 2017. BFP #6 July 2, 2018 EDD: March 16, 2019 [/spoiler]


  • I know there isn't any scientific reasoning behind it.. or maybe there is and we don't know it. But when we were TTC prior to the loss we had actually decided to put off TTC for a little while so we could focus on purchasing our new house. That very first cycle of not focusing on it we got KU.

    That being said, Relax?? Really.. I couldn't relax if my damn life depended on it! Too bad I don't have another project to focus on like the last time!

    BTW: when my mom told me "it won't ever happen if you keep worrying about it" I broke out in to a big blubbery sobbing mess!

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  • I've had several days at the spa while TTC and still couldn't get KU. 

    I have said "Relaxing will never make me ovulate.  But, thanks for the advice. *insert sarcastic smile here." 

    After 22 months TTC and the loss of our identical twins at 10w6d, we're excited about our rainbow baby!
    Stick, baby, Stick!
    Beta #1 (12dpo): 38.3; Beta #2 (15dpo): 202.7
    Baby Girl born 1/17/13
  • I know that stress can delay or prevent ovulation. I've definitely had that before. And while I do think there may be some small truth to relaxing helping things in a normal, healthy couple, I also know that relaxing won't make things like MTHFR, PCOS, low sperm count, etc. go away.

    And, regardless of the situation, I think this "advice" always warrants a throat punch. It's just a stupid thing to say. Like you can relax on command, anyway.

    BFP #1 10/6/11 | EDD 6/15/12 | MMC 11/7/11 @ 8w3d | D&C 11/14/11

    BFP #2 8/22/12 | EDD 5/5/13 | DS1 born 5/9/13

    BFP #3 4/25/15 | EDD 1/7/16 | MMC 7/2/15 @ 13w1d | D&E 7/8/15

    BFP #4 12/9/15 | EDD 8/22/16 | DS2 born 5/18/16 at 26w2d

    Just keep swimming.
  • image bananers:

    I know that stress can delay or prevent ovulation. I've definitely had that before. And while I do think there may be some small truth to relaxing helping things in a normal, healthy couple, I also know that relaxing won't make things like MTHFR, PCOS, low sperm count, etc. go away.

    And, regardless of the situation, I think this "advice" always warrants a throat punch. It's just a stupid thing to say. Like you can relax on command, anyway.

    This. For some people, there is some truth to it. However, TELLING me to relax is only counter-productive. 

    Married My Love on 6/18/2006
    BFP#1 10/1/2011. Our perfect little girl, Her heart stopped @ 12w1d. D&E 11/23/11
    BFP#2 3/13/12 Weird CP/Possible EP @ 6w0d
    BFP#3 5/28/12 CP @ 5w0d
    BFP/WTF#4 10/26/12 CP
    BFP#5 12/10/12 EDD 8/23/2013
    <3 Baby Boy Born 8/22/13 <3
     photo ellie.gifPhotobucket
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  • I do believe trying to stay as stress free as possible is important...not easy...but it is important. I've read where stresses causes sleep problems, depression, heart disease, autoimmune diseases, and other health issues. I definitely hate it when someone tells me to relax or the classic "you need to move forward, it's in the past." That deserves a throat punch in my book. Especially coming from someone who's had nothing but healthy pregnancies. Of course it's in the past, but it has definitely affected how I see pregnancy.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • -PG Mentioned below-

     

     

     

    My sister is complaining b/c my cousin just had her baby (and neither one is due til the middle of March) and my sister just wants him out.  I take this as a teaching moment and say, "Relax.  Your time will come."

    Sister: "That didn't help me one bit."

    Me: "I know.  It friggin sucks!"

    Sister: "B!tch.  But I will never say it again."


  • I will say, I had a REALLY stressful job situation, quit, and pretty much immediately got pregnant.  I think stress is a factor, but I do not think anyone else has the right to pretend that stress is the only factor and to pass judgment on my situation and tell me I would get pregnant if I would just "do it right" by relaxing.  Sadly, for some of us, it's a lot more complicated than that.  Not to mention, getting KU is only the beginning of the battle.  People need to get an education on these issues and realize it isn't easy for everyone.  Rant over.  Wink
    image


  • With both of my pregnancies, I was in a high stress environment and even before we conceived.  In my own case, I don't believe it for a minute. 

    5/16/2005: M/C at 7 wks
    5/3/2010: MM/C at 7 wks 6 days
    5/25/2014: CP at 4 wks 3 days

    Because of the great "Snow"vember of 2015, my medicated cycle was cancelled.  However, we were blessed with our little rainbow baby due on 8/14/15!  Baby J had other plans and decided to make his grand ole entrance on 7/4/2015!

    Surprise!  Our little girl entered this world on 12/8/2016 after her eviction notice was long past due.  Our little turkey baby turned into a snow baby!  

                                                        
    Third times the charm!  BFP on 4/18/2019, EDD: 12/18/2019
    PgAL/PAL welcome
    PAIF/SAIF welcome too!

  • Tried it, didn't work.
    TTC since June 2011

    <a href="http://lagf.lilypie.com/MAwum4.png">BFP#1 7/8/11, EDD 3/15/12, M/C 8/21/11 (10w3d)</a>

    <a href="http://lagf.lilypie.com/9aomm4.png">BFP #2 2/9/12, EDD 10/22/12, M/C 2/17/12 (4w4d)</a>


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    PGAL/PAL and kindness always welcome.
  • image theresat858:
    image katharine25:
    image bananers:

    I know that stress can delay or prevent ovulation. I've definitely had that before. And while I do think there may be some small truth to relaxing helping things in a normal, healthy couple, I also know that relaxing won't make things like MTHFR, PCOS, low sperm count, etc. go away.

    And, regardless of the situation, I think this "advice" always warrants a throat punch. It's just a stupid thing to say. Like you can relax on command, anyway.

    This. For some people, there is some truth to it. However, TELLING me to relax is only counter-productive. 

    Exactly.

    My boss and his ex wife did, however, end up pregnant after years of TTC & their doc saying IVF was their only option - right after their adoption application went through!  So now he has 2 boys who are almost twins in age, one adopted and one his.  That's one story where 'relaxing' worked - but it wasn't so much relaxing as completely giving up.

    See I don't believe that was relaxing, if you are trying for awhile and have no major medical reasons why you aren't getting pg, after trying for so long it's more often the law of averages where it's bound to eventually happen relaxing or not. Dh and I've been trying for 9 years, last year after our final fet in feb was unsuccessful we got pg for the first time on our own, we have unexplained infertility and after trying for so long it was a surprise. But it annoyed me because people kept telling me it was because I relaxed and started looking into adoption.

    Jenn

    image 3 IUI's all BFN

    IVF#1 BFN IVF#2 BFP, loss at 19 weeks FET#1 BFN IVF#3 BFP, m/c FET#2 BFN

    Missing our twins Zachary and Madison, lost at 19 weeks on 11/13/09, edd 4/9/10

    BFP 7/17/10, m/c 7/25/10, edd 3/25/11

    Ectopic, lost left tube 4/20/11, edd 12/6/11

    my blog

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