anyone only want one child?

ljanette85 · February 2012

I really think that I only want one. people think that I will change my mind (i could) but Im pretty sure one is good. our child will have two cousins that are very close in age to play with and a big loving extended family. I plan to return to school after this baby is born which will eat up a few years of my life. my fiance and I are pretty much in agreement, we both grew up poor and would rather have one child that we can provide for instead of scraping by. we want to "spoil" our child with private school and family vacations (they can buy their own deisgner jeans lol) and I think that we are scared that having more than one will hinder this. any other moms feel this way? I was one of four and he was one of three so we know what its like to have siblings and we love ours, but we really just want to be able to provide a financially secure life for our child. and Im not saying that you cant do this with more than one kid! but I have seen how much harder it can get with each one.

lada85 · February 2012

We are in the same thinking boat as you guys are. We are thinking for now we are happy with this one little healthy boy. If we do decide to have another I would like somewhere around 4-6 years inbetween them to be able to do all of the spoiling as well! I will be going back to work also and want to make sure my little guy is taken care of to the best we can!

JKPLMS · February 2012

I understand where your coming from but I wouldn't trade my siblings for anything in the world. Cousins are great but they aren't always there like a sibling is. I am the youngest of 3 and I love having an older sister and brother who I can always count on and go to when my mom or dad is driving me crazy. Why couldn't you talk about another child after your done with school? It doesn't have to be right away...Having more money doesn't necessarily guarantee happiness. Happiness is what you make it and whether that means your kid gets to have an ipod or not well that's up to you.

SunAndRain · February 2012

I'll be 37 and DH 40 when our first child is expected to be born. Right now we're not saying "no" to more than one, but we recognize the reality of not only our age but the fact that we didn't use BC for 3 years before this pregnancy came along and surprised us. We may limited choice in the matter.

I share your concerns about costs of raising a child but unless you are destitute I think there are ways to raise happy, healthy children that will be successful members of society without a high income. But I can't speak from experience.

Perhaps cousins can replace siblings. But I can think of many reasons why not. I have a sister and we are not at all close. But the thought of my child growing older with an immediate family member is very appealing to me.

AprilAngie · February 2012

I am expecting # 4 - but many ppl have only one. I personally woudnt want 1 child- as when you and your spouse die who is the child left with? no family? with aht said- sometimes with large families there is no guarantee they will get along. But my "hope" is family is importnant and I tell my kids always how family is important. I would never want a "spoiled" child as I want my child to appreciate hard work. However I undertsand what you are saying

ljanette85 · February 2012

thanks

by "spoiling" I mean with a really good education, and that costs money... Im not talking about being able to buy the child ipods and fancy cars. whether we have one child or ten, they will have to work hard and earn their own spending money. its alll very good insight

thatoneredhead · February 2012

We are only having 1 as well. Since Im 22- everybody laughs it off and tells me I should have 2 right of the bat. NO!

This has been a difficult pregnancy and the medical bills are huge as it. Neither Dh or I have make tons of money, but definately have enough to play with if we only have 1 kid.

Avoiding the financial stress and the thought of enjoying 1 kid pretty much seals the deal. My Dh and his brother are 15 yrs apart. My sis and I are 13 years apart. She was a baby when I was a teenager and I enjoyed every second of that. Theres no competition-theres no fights- and there was no sharing mom. If we do have another, itll probably be more like that set-up.

Swannja1 · February 2012

We felt the same way and for the first few years after DS was born. I started law school when DS was 2 and it didn't seem in the cards for us... we were just so comfortable. However, as things settled down, we had a change of heart and really wanted another baby.

Family and friends tried to pressure us into having more years ago, so that our son would have someone, blah, blah, blah. My DH and I just plugged our ears and followed our own hearts and our decision changed over time.

Long story short, yes, I was in your boat. There is nothing wrong with wanting only one child.

JulySpark05 · February 2012

I don't think there's anything wrong with only wanting one child. Everyone is different and we don't all want the same things.

I have 3 sisters and DH has 3 brothers, we are very close with our siblings and both LOVED having a big family growing up. Having experienced this, it is just not an option to have DD be an only child. Plus, we both really wanted another child and had already started planning for baby#2 only months after DD was born.

Please don't take offense to this but I always find it a bit sad when I see kids that don't have any siblings.. yes they can have cousins and close friends but there is just nothing that can replace a sibling.

Babybear70 · February 2012

MissMusic:
I think your reasoning is logical, and the bottom line is, its a personal choice. We're also in the 1-child boat.

This! I couldn't agree more with MM. For now, DH and I are also in the same 1-child boat. But we have always said, we want one, but if we are blessed enough to have two we will take it.

AprilAngie · February 2012

ljanette85:
thanks by "spoiling" I mean with a really good education, and that costs money... Im not talking about being able to buy the child ipods and fancy cars. whether we have one child or ten, they will have to work hard and earn their own spending money. its alll very good insight

I get it- all good

boymomstrong · February 2012

I think that ruling out more than one child now is silly. You have no idea how you will fell or what your life has in store for you. I am one of six kids, and both my parents worked their butts off to become successful so they could give us more than they had. We still take a family vacation every year, we were all put through college, and we all had the thins that kids need when growing up. Weather that was a car or a computer or sports or band or whatever. We all were taught how to appreciate things and how much more it means when you have to work for it. We all had jobs in school and in college, and its made us all successful in our lives. Having more than one child does not need to limit you in your family time or spoiling, but I don't know what I would do with our my sisters and brothers. They mean so much to me, and we all took care of each other in school. No one was ever bullied, or made to feel bad, and if friends were too busy we had each other. We are all so close, and the bond with siblings is so special and so unique, that a cousin, no matter how close, cant equal. This is just my opinion of course, and you should do what you think is right, but like I said your life plan may be different, 4 of my siblings were conceived on 4 different types of birth control. There was no stopping them!

) Good Luck with your future, and try to keep an open mind, and be optimistic to the future, don't limit your self....

cherilynann · February 2012

I wanted 2...I had my first, he is an angel, but lives with Autism. It has been a long, hard road but he is doing well. I know my chances of a 2nd with autism are increased, so I always said "i only want one" because of my fears of handling 2 wiith autism, how they would be with each other...etc. Also, who will care for them when we are gone, financial issues...(there are a million reasons here) and I was adamant about not having more children. and then ooopsie! a surprise, 8 years later! I am truly excited and happy that I "magically" got pregnant (seriously, the odds were that slim) but I realized that, we can handle it, we will make it work, we did the first time and I cant let my fears of the unknown lead my life. You never know what will happen tomorrow so I am just going with...whats meant to be, will be...Im not going to fight it

judahsmommy1 · February 2012

I think if you only want one child then people shouldn't tell you that you "will change your mind." That's just rude.

I've always wanted more than one for personal reasons. Beyond that, I had a friend who was an only child. Her mother died when she was in her early twenties and her father was diagnosed with early on set Alzheimer's disease when she was in her late twenties. She spent several years carrying that burden on her own until her father died. She had a little bit of extended family, but they lived out of state. She wasn't married (although she wanted to be). And while her other friends and I tried to support her as much as we could, we couldn't replace family. I think it would have been easier for her if she had been married and could go home to a husband who could hold her for a while - someone who lived the whole process with her and made decisions with her. I think the burden of being the sole financial, and emotional support for her father and being the only one making decisions for him was really hard for her. There was no one who was experiencing it with her.

It's something I think about when I think about my son and the baby on the way. I hope that when my DH and I are no longer around, (or when we are unable to help ourselves and them) that they will be a support for each other.

kernie48 · February 2012

MissMusic:
I think your reasoning is logical, and the bottom line is, its a personal choice. We're also in the 1-child boat.

Agreed. We're also in the 1-child boat. It's a personal choice. And I read your original posting as not wanting to spoil your child, but as wanting to be able to provide without struggle. I understand and agree as that is our choice as well.

Kasi80 · February 2012

My daughter will be 11 when this child is born. I was 21 DD was born. I never expected to have more children after her and I didn't want any. Then life happened, I got a divorce and remarried and decided that I wanted another child with DH. We are worried about finances. Right now we don't have to worry about daycare costs for DD but once this one comes we will be strapped for cash and I wonder everyday if we made the right decision. I definitely want this child but it's scary having to change our current lifestyle.

kernie48 · February 2012

kfdecarie:

I think that ruling out more than one child now is silly. You have no idea how you will fell or what your life has in store for you. I am one of six kids, and both my parents worked their butts off to become successful so they could give us more than they had. We still take a family vacation every year, we were all put through college, and we all had the thins that kids need when growing up. Weather that was a car or a computer or sports or band or whatever. We all were taught how to appreciate things and how much more it means when you have to work for it. We all had jobs in school and in college, and its made us all successful in our lives. Having more than one child does not need to limit you in your family time or spoiling, but I don't know what I would do with our my sisters and brothers. They mean so much to me, and we all took care of each other in school. No one was ever bullied, or made to feel bad, and if friends were too busy we had each other. We are all so close, and the bond with siblings is so special and so unique, that a cousin, no matter how close, cant equal. This is just my opinion of course, and you should do what you think is right, but like I said your life plan may be different, 4 of my siblings were conceived on 4 different types of birth control. There was no stopping them! ) Good Luck with your future, and try to keep an open mind, and be optimistic to the future, don't limit your self....

Calling her personal choice of only wanting one child is NOT silly. I apologize as my intention is not to stir up drama, but find it it very rude that anyone would call it silly. In your ending "try to keep an open mind"...maybe you should do the same.

mswood1977 · February 2012

I kind of wanted 2 kids when I was younger, but now that I am pregnant with my 1st at 36 (I will be 37 when this baby is born) and with a history of fertility issues (meaning it takes a long time + money to conceive) we have decided to only have 1 child. I also don't want to be 40+ and pregnant, I know people do it and I think that is great, just not something I want to do.

We want to send our child to private Catholic school and be able to put away money for their college. Not to mention that after living the DINK lifestyle for a long time, we still want to be able to travel and go out to eat on occasion. I know this sounds selfish, but all of this will be easier to afford if we only have the 1 child.

AprilAngie · February 2012

JKPLMS:
I understand where your coming from but I wouldn't trade my siblings for anything in the world. Cousins are great but they aren't always there like a sibling is. I am the youngest of 3 and I love having an older sister and brother who I can always count on and go to when my mom or dad is driving me crazy. Why couldn't you talk about another child after your done with school? It doesn't have to be right away...Having more money doesn't necessarily guarantee happiness. Happiness is what you make it and whether that means your kid gets to have an ipod or not well that's up to you.

I couldn't have wrote this any better- this is what I agree with ! hence why Im having # 4 - lol

cedenton · February 2012

I've always said I wanted more than one kid because being an only child seemed sad. I will be 32 when this child is born and I'm not sure if we'll be having another. I can't imagine having young kids close together since I have to travel for work and DH works rotating shifts. Not even sure how we're going to deal with one. LOL I don't think we'll know until a good year or so after #1 is born and we can evaluate our lives.

lauren1204 · February 2012

We are planning on this being our only child too. I don't see anything wrong with it. DH and I honestly don't think we can financially or emotionally handle more than one child. We want to be able to dedicate our resources to one. And I hope people won't judge our choice to have one like I wouldn't judge someone's choice to have 4.

And just because you have siblings doesn't mean you get along or they will help you out in the future. (I say this having a sister that I am close to, but I have seen other family members struggle with their siblings.)

MsMonica's1st · February 2012

I vowed, swore up and down that I only wanted one and no more, no, not ever....well here we are 2 years later expecting another. I'm happy though because I know when my time on earth here is done they'll have each others -- close or not, they have each others to turn to.

sbb123 · February 2012

I heard an "only child" talk about how her parents are getting older and that she wished she had siblings to help her through taking care of them etc. She was trying to talk a mom of one out of NOT having a second child and what she went through.

I think there is a lot of pressure on an only child too. My cousin is an only child and is constantly pressured to provide grand babies for her parents and she doesn't want kids.

And i can't imagine not having sisters to goof around with. Nobody stays close with their cousins...maybe one if they have a true strong bond...but there is nothing like siblings.

I've been pondering the idea of having one because she/he will have two older step brothers....but i don't think that will be the same. We'll see how it goes. But that is my input.

xtina05 · February 2012

I used to think this way when we first had DS. But god forbid something ever happen to DH & I, I would never want to leave him alone in this world. Cousins are great, but they are not a sibling.

jlrschmidt · February 2012

Like another PP said, it's a very personal decision and you should do what you think is right

For me, I grew up an only child with cousins and close friends around always. I still feel like I got left out of something with not having siblings. No one to joke about mom and dad with or help make hard decisions when mom and dad get older. I know other only children who don't feel the same way though. Just depends I guess.

Lyndsey13 · February 2012

Since I'm having twins I don't have this option whether I want it or not. I could NOT imagine being without my little sister. We are 2 1/2 years apart and I wouldn't call us extremely close but she means the world to me. Every childhood memory I have, she is included. Of course we have our disagreements but without her my life would not be the same.

b2b999 · February 2012

We had always said we would have 2 but after infertility and our loss, and now a very rough pregnancy, we have decided that this will be our only child.Both DH and I have siblings, but honestly our friends are the ones we turn to when things are bad, and just because you have a sibling does not mean you will have help caring for an elderly parent. I have been reading up on raising an only child, and quite honestly the more I read about it the happier I am that we will only be having one.

Aleja0918 · February 2012

MissMusic:
I think your reasoning is logical, and the bottom line is, its a personal choice.

This. It's a personal choice and there's no right or wrong answer. I know perfectly well-adjusted adults who are only children and couldn't imagine their lives any differently. I also know individuals who can't stand their siblings and have minimal to no contact with them. If you choose to only have one, you're not doing a disservice to your son or daughter like so many foolish people seem to think. It's just as valid of an option as having more than one.

mlf625 · February 2012

I think that's a very personal decision, and one you really can't make going in. Have one, see how it feels, go from there. If you're one and done, great.

Personally, I always wanted 2+, and we'll be done at 3. I can't imagine life without my siblings and want the sibling experience (good and bad!) for my kids.

MrsSarahL · February 2012

DH and I said we only wanted 1 while I was pregnant with DD and after, and for the first few weeks of this pregnancy, before we knew. We had a really hard time getting pregnant and we didn't to go through ttc again. Now that we are pregnant with #2 I am very happy and excited, after I got over the shock. Now we are running into everyone telling us that we need to have a 3rd and try for a boy. No thank you, 2 will complete our family both girls or not.

sowingseasons · February 2012

I am only having one. My bf has an 8 year old son already ( he is 33 I am 25) he doesn't want to be an old dad and completely understand. So this baby is my one and done

traveltheworld · February 2012

Being an only child myself, I'm really hoping that we will have more than one. My parents have a lot of friends who didn't have siblings, and seeing them struggle with their own parents' old age and care is scary. Even where the parents are financially well-off, the single child still bears all the responsibility of taking care of the parents, making all the decisions, and dealing with all the grief and heartache that comes along with it and it can be quite draining.

That said, I can understand how you feel and if you have a large enough extended family and are close with each other, it would be less of an issue.

MetsGirl18 · March 2012

I always knew I wanted more than 1 child, but it took me a long time to be ready to TTC #2. I didn't even start seriously thinking about another child until after DS was 2 and even then I wasn't ready yet. You may change your mind or you may not. It's a personal decision.

greyeyes15 · March 2012

nothing wrong with only wanting one, and your reasons for it are fine. we only wanted 2 as we want to be able to provide for them and be able to send them to the college of their choice. guess we lucked out since we are getting a 2 for 1 in may!

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