Back from D&C

kpowers982 · February 2012

Thank you so, so much for all your thoughts and prayers. It was much more emotional than I thought it would be. Every time I saw D&C written on the paperwork, or when the nurse acknowledged my loss (which was very kind, I did appreciate it), I got very teary. And when my doctor came in, I started crying...the days leading up to the procedure I was so anxious and nervous, but today I was just so, so sad. I asked for something to help me relax, and I don't know if it was something different than I was used to or if they gave me a ton or something, but the second they put that in my IV I said "whoa, I'm really dizzy," and I don't remember anything until waking up. Moderate pain upon waking up; cramps at about a 4 or 5 on a scale of 10. Vicodin helps, and I haven't taken anything for about 4 hours. What I hadn't anticipated was the burning sensation and that it hurts to sit directly up and put pressure on the area. All in all, definitely not as bad as I thought it would be...just like you all said. I checked in at 7, surgery was at 8, and I was in the car at 9:45. The worst part of the surgery was the emotionality of everything, and it was mostly my fault. I asked the doctor if she though this had happened because I had low progesterone prior to pregnancy, and she said no, she thought the miscarriage was due to my pre-existing diabetes. That cut like a knife through my heart and I feel like my grieving process all over. I did everything in my power to take care of myself and the baby, and at each appointment, the doctors always gave me a glowing review and told me I was a model patient. But apparently that wasn't enough and now I feel like I failed and I killed the baby and didn't take care of myself enough or it and I made this happen and it's my fault. I feel like a horrible person and all I can do is apologize to my husband for failing. God I wish I hadn't have asked. Ignorance really is bliss.

ChevelleRivers · February 2012

You didn't fail. You did everything you possibly could to keep that baby healthy and for that you should applaud yourself. T & P your way. I am so sorry that you are hurting so badly.

Strunella · February 2012

I'm so sorry. I've been through 2 D&Cs, and it's true that the emotional toll is far worse than the physical. But you have to know that you didn't do anything wrong. You did the best you could do to take care of yourself, and it sounds like you were seeing your doctors regularly. Take all the time you need to grieve, but don't blame yourself. Thinking of you and sending lots of hugs!

MrsLele · February 2012

I'm sorry that you are blaming yourself. I don't think your doctor should have said that.

My continued prayers are with you, I hope you will start to feel better soon.

CFjo2010 · February 2012

ChevelleRivers:
You didn't fail. You did everything you possibly could to keep that baby healthy and for that you should applaud yourself. T & P your way. I am so sorry that you are hurting so badly.

^^ This. You have been taking such good care of yourself the last year or so. You have made so many positive changes and improved your health so much... You have done nothing wrong. Life is incredibly unfair, and I'm so sorry you're hurting right now. But please, please, PLEASE stop blaming yourself. I know as women we carry the blame and guilt, but sometimes there just isn't blame to apportion. You weren't drinking, you weren't doing drugs, you immediately sought prenatal care, you did everything right. Hell, you started following the Dr's crazy restrictive and calculated diet. What more could you have possibly done?

attalove · February 2012

I'm glad the procedure ended up not being as bad as you thought it might be. I hope your physical healing goes well & goes quickly. Go easy on yourself as you continue the process of walking through the emotions of this.

FreyaWin2382 · February 2012

I am glad that the D&C "went well" (as well as anything like this can be) and that you are home now.

As for what your doctor said....I would take that with a grain of salt as, without running more tests, most of the time they have no idea what actually causes a m/c. Could it have been from your diabetes? Sure, but it just as easily could have been a million other things. Please, please try not to blame yourself or beat yourself up because of the opinion of one doctor....I know that is much, much easier to say then do.

((HUGS))

SchruteBucks · February 2012

I'm glad you got through it. I'm sure it's a relief to not have it hanging over your head anymore. As all of the other ladies have said, this is not your fault! Your dr is an idiot for implying that. These things just happen sometime and don't make sense and don't seem fair. Please don't beat yourself up.

behapy2day · February 2012

I'm glad youre home and resting now. The emotional pain is 100x worse than the physical discomfort you feel.

I am so sorry your doctor said that to you. I agree with what one of the pp said... I am completely healthy with no existing issues, and I still miscarried my baby. I don't think there was anything you did wrong or could have done more right. Just remember 1 in 4 (some say 1 in 3) women will miscarry. No one talks about it until it happens, and then you find out just how NOT alone you are. I take great comfort in that statistic that 80% of women who suffer a miscarriage go on to have a healthy pregnancy the next time. Try to rest and relax.

The nicest thing someone has said to me so far was that I will.always.be my baby's mom... don't forget that.

Albah · February 2012

I'm glad to hear things went physically ok. Sounds a lot like what I went through. And I totally agree that the emotional aspect of it is just 1 million times worse.

In reference to what your doc said, I would try to not take it in a bad light. Probably should have not been said. And in reality, chances of why your miscarriage happened is.....chromosomal abnormality! Statistically this is the most common cause for a miscarriage. Our genes are not fool proof and this is why miscarriages are so common (10-25% of all pregnancies).Don't be so harsh on yourself. There is nothing that could have been done, this was not your fault! It sounds like your diabetes is under pretty tight control and if this is the case, I highly doubt that this was the cause of your miscarriage. Usually issues can arise when the diabetes is uncontrolled.

Hang in there! You'll see that now after your D&C, things will move along. As you feel physically better, the emotional aspect will start to get better as well. It will take some time but you'll see that things will turn around for you. Anything you need, please scream out! <hugs>

kygirlie113 · February 2012

You didn't absolutely nothing wrong. Repeat that everyday to yourself. I am glad everything went well for you and wishing you a peaceful and painful recovery.

Laurakat81 · February 2012

Oh honey I'm so sorry. This wasn't your fault. No matter what the cause it was beyond your control. (((hugs)))

You loved your baby, that is obvious! I'm willing to bet your baby knows that too.

MWoodside · February 2012

im glad your d&c went ok and ita the emotional part is hardest.

fwiw, i am litetrally the healthiest person i know and i had a loss. my dr keeps saying including chemical pg the mc figure is more like 30% of all pg. scary number, but it goes to show you its not your fault.

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