LONG... vent! need advice — The Bump
Postpartum Depression

LONG... vent! need advice

kinda just need to vent... my boyfriend is almost 26 years old!!! 26... and he doesnt have a job, doesnt have a licence/car, smokes cigaretts, has a warrent (always worried about cops) & is addicted to videogames!!!! our son is two months old now, and i know he loves him very much but i cant take it anymore... its time to grow up and be a adult and act like a dad... he helps with our son sometimes... ive told him many times to get a job & he says... i will when my unemplyment runs out...(hes already had one extension) & he says why dont you go get a job... im breastfeeding... and its not about us not having money or whatever, its about our son growing up and seeing you sit on your ass all day playing video games and not working... & smoking... he smokes all the time! i have nothing against smokers... but i bought him a electric cig so he could try to quit, he doesnt use it... even though he said he would... he will smoke and then come touch our son... & all of his family smoke too! today we went out to breakfest, when we were about to leave him & his dad decide they need a smoke, as soon as they smoke, they get in the car... my son had to smell that all over them... god it makes me so mad... i told my boyfriend about 3rd hand smoke, he said that theirs no such thing... really? look it up, he said no! i told him to atleast change his shirt after but he wont... and he doesnt wash his hands unless i remind him.. i just cant take it anymore... hes obveisly not going to change... what do you think i should do?? stay or go?? i know if i try to leave he wont let me... he will tell me not to and def wont let me take our son with me... i want our son to be with his dad... but whats better?? him in a home with his dad or him in a happy home?? what should i do???? i need advice... i know he wont let me leave, & i cant leave when hes not home because hes always home... i can give more info if u want.

Re: LONG... vent! need advice

  • My husband is a smoker, too. He's been using the electronic cigarette and is trying to quit. You might want to have your BF come with you to your next Ped. appt. and have the Dr. field your "questions" (those concerns that he doesn't think are vald) in front of him. As a Mom, you want to do right by your child. Talk to him. Explain that your baby's health is at-risk and as his parents you both need to think about that. He might be feeling overwhelmed as a FTD. Being a responsible adult for a child is scary. If this relationship is going to work, you need to have communication. 

    Hope that helps...  

    Married my Best Friend on 7/8/07 Welcomed our very own Little Miracle on 2/9/12 Life is GOOD...
  • Go.  If you think he's going to create a problem for you you need to contact the police.  Unless he has specifically sued you for joint custody, he has no right to stop you from taking your son.  The police will come escort you and your son.  Then contact a lawyer and find out how to go about getting a custody arrangement in place.

    Find a job.  You can pump and continue to breast feed.

    Things aren't going to get better in this situation.  I'm sorry.  I know that's not encouraging to hear.  But this should be.  YOU ARE CAPABLE OF DOING THIS WITHOUT HIM.  HE IS NOT HOLDING YOU UP, HE IS DRAGGING YOU DOWN AND YOU DON'T DESERVE IT.

    Mama of 2: one who grew in my womb, both who grow in my heart.
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