First visit to a support group-a little disappointed

careyalis · February 2012

DH and I went to a loss support group tonight and it was kind of weird. I am glad that we went because we met a couple who we really meshed with, but I don't know if we will go back. The leader of the group has never lost a child. She told her story first, and said that she can understand how we feel because she had "extreme anxiety over losing her kids while she was pg." WTF?!? How are you going to tell a room full of parents who held their dead babies that you get it because you were "scared" that it would happen to your kids?!? Ugh! It really made my husband mad that she would have the gall to say that. He said the worst part is that she is the chaplain at one of the hospitals in town and probably tells that story all the time.

Carolee · February 2012

I'm glad you met another couple you felt like you connected with, but I'm sorry the group ended up not being as helpful as expected. I agree with you...it's not the same being afraid of losing a child as it is to have actually lost one.

littlepenguin2012 · February 2012

I am sorry that it wasn't a good experience. I hope the couple you met turns out be good though.

figgs0831 · February 2012

I'm so sorry you had a bad experience. This is my fear.... I have my first group session tomorrow evening. I have no idea what to expect and I am going alone.

pb127 · February 2012

Our's was like this too. The leader actually brought her daughter with her (a teenager) and talked all about her kids for her intro. Indifferent

Between that and not being able to relate to anyone else in the room, we knew we wouldn't be going back. I was pretty sad about it not working out though.

LuckEinLuv · February 2012

I am so sorry you had a bad experience. You were meant to go to meet that other couple though. My leader has never suffered a loss either, but she is so extremely compassionate. She was a maternity nurse for over 30 years and she now fights for BLM at the hospital board meetings.

pottermommy · February 2012

I am glad you met a couple that you both like. But I am sorry about the support group not going well. I can't say that I understand b/c I refuse to go. This is the closest to a group, or therapy or counseling I have ever gotten.

Y'all are my support system. It is just so different looking someone in the face and talking about it.

wmthorpe0815 · February 2012

pottermommy:

I am glad you met a couple that you both like. But I am sorry about the support group not going well. I can't say that I understand b/c I refuse to go. This is the closest to a group, or therapy or counseling I have ever gotten.

Y'all are my support system. It is just so different looking someone in the face and talking about it.

This is me. My husband wants to go to a grief counselor tomorrow. I am really nervous about it. When I think of therapists I think of them having more problems than what I have. It may be good or I may be on here tomorrow night needing to talk to the support group I have grown to love.

[Deleted User] · February 2012

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nuttycoconut · February 2012

How frustrating! I wasn't a fan of my support group either and DH and I never went back. The leader of the group was very negative. She lost her baby 5 years ago (has a couple of kids now) and she seems so angy and sarcastic. She even said that it has changed her as a person (which I expected) and she is a very b!tchy person now. The co-leader lost twins about 8 years ago. She now has twin babies and a toddler. She was also still so angry, bitter, negative, etc. We had the newest loss there and we seemed to be the most optimistic and positive couple there. I get that I will never get over this experience but I sure hope 5+ years later I won't be angry and bitter. I'm looking for happiness! I hope I can find another support group soon.

StephK86 · February 2012

Oh gosh that is awful I am so sorry you had to deal with that! I would have to really bite my tongue to not say something. Especially when I get in my angry grief stages.

I love my support group because the leader has lost a child. She is the most caring, compassionate woman. She helped my SO and I out so much in our early stages of grief. She came to our house, called, emailed, and she makes group a very relaxed setting. The thing is she CAN relate so that is why I go to her. My Dr. really wants me to go to individual therapy for my scary anxiety attacks. I told her to get lost. I am not seeing someone who never lost a child and will say something that will set me off. I hope you can find a different group that has a leader who can really relate to you. It will make a world of difference. Try calling some other hospitals to see if they have bereavement groups. Ask to speak to the leader first then you can get a feel for him/her and if they lost a child they most likely will tell you.

I hope you can find a better group. It really does help to go to a place where you can let out your darkest feelings and they totally understand. Good luck hunny!

johnnys june · February 2012

I'm sorry it didn't turn out. I don't think I would have returned to our HEAL support group of the leader hadn't experienced a loss himself. But he had...him amd his wife experienced a still birth nearly 20 years ago. He could relate and never made us feel pressured. To me, if someone doesn't truly understand, then they shouldn't lead support groups...they should just be private counselors or therapist.

Mjmksb04 · February 2012

It just never occurred to me that a loss support group would be lead by anyone other than someone who had suffered a loss. Even our local Compassionate Friends group is lead by a couple who lost their teenage son. I have not reached out to a support group, but did talk to a therapist a few times and found it beneficial. I was actually wishing last night that I lived nearby a group of loss ladies so we could get together because I just don't live in a large enough area to have a specific baby/pregnancy loss group.

magdalina.h · February 2012

Make sure to tell your OB right away!!!!! That lady maybe has never been told that she has no idea what it's like and what she said is very hurtful!

lalaellac · February 2012

i didn't find much comfort at the support group we attended and only went once. i find this board and (when you get to that point) the TTCAL board to be much more supportive. ::hugs::

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