Community› The Bump Message Boards› Blended Families
Blended Families
New Discussion

update and ? re change of legal custody

SigirSigir member
in Blended Families

Well, after talking to my lawyer I responded short and sweet to exh re work related childcare for 2012-13 :  that I would not agree to a change in custody, here is the program available, and I need input on this program or reasonable options by EOD today.  I already got the long response back and he is sticking to his guns about dc living with him or me driving dc to school out there (that would be a 4 hour commute for me every day) as his only option.  I have not really read much of the email because I am trying to minimize stress- dh read it and gave me a synopsis- and I passed it on to the lawyer.  What else did I expect!

Anyway, a glimmer of good news is that my lawyer is thinking of going for a change in legal custody because he feels that exh is proving that he is not willing to work with me on decisions since every time a decision comes up he is unreasonable and we end up in court.  Wow, that would be so incredible and stress-releasing....  but I am trying not to get my hopes up because I wonder if it could be that easy.  A change in legal custody seems like it might require more problems than the ones we are having.

So I was wondering if anyone has experience with a loss of legal custody- did your exes try to get it from you and lost, or did you get it from your exes?  I would love to hear your stories if you have them.  Just to be clear, by legal custody I mean that currently we share decision making power relating to dc's "education, welfare, health, safety, and religious upbringing"- the change would be that I would have the sole decision making power.   It has nothing to do with physical custody or parenting time. 

Report Reply to Post

Re: update and ? re change of legal custody

  • PrettyInPearls23PrettyInPearls23 member
    I asked my attorney about this because my XH has been beyond difficult when it came to me moving (I have full physical custody), and as a result, DS needed to have his DCP changed. We currently share legal custody, and when XH learned of me moving and needing to change DS's DCP, he filed for full physical custody. Keep in mind, this is a man who is currently unemployed, living in his GF's parents house and has missed over 80 days of visitation in the last year. Both my attorney and the courts have said what he did was an "emotional, reactive Motion", but needless to say we still have court on the 23rd.
     
    My attorney told me that most judges are very reluctant to give sole legal custody to a custodial parent when joint has previously been awarded. He said that unless there is proof of abuse, neglect, drug/alcohol abuse, etc. it is generally pretty difficult to get. The courts don't care that our XH's are giant PITA's...they think that both parents, assuming they are "fit", deserve the right to make important decisions for their child.

    That being said...let me also tell you this about my situation. I did something similar to you -- I gave my XH the literature of the DCP I had chosen, told him to visit the facility by X date and also encouraged him to explore other DCP's in my area. He responded by telling the courts I made a "rash and hasty decision" in choosing this DCP and he had "little to no input". Thankfully I have documentation telling the courts otherwise. XH did end up visiting the facility and told both me and the courts that he had no issues with the location. His issue is still that he feels DS needs to remain in his (then) current DCP because he was "thriving" in that environment and it was "logical" that DS be equally between both parents should there be an emergency. Mind you, this would mean I would be driving 40 minutes each way, TWICE a day to take DS to and from daycare. Ridiculous.

    imageimageimage

    image

    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • FutureMrsWittigFutureMrsWittig member

    I don't think it can hurt to petition for it.  At the very least if the court won't grant you sole legal custody, they can put in your CO a procedure for when you disagree.  Our CO states that we will go to mediation if an agreement can't be reached.

    The worst that can happen is the judge says no, leave things the way they are, but he or she can also rule on this current issue at the same time.

    Mama of 2: one who grew in my womb, both who grow in my heart.
    Report Reply
  • Karma1969Karma1969 member
    Very rarely does a change in joint legal custody happen unless their is a change in mental health, neglect, or parental substance abuse.
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • fellesferiefellesferie member

    Florida handled my divorce, and I was told that the courts really don't like stripping a parent of legal custody. My attorney claimed they only do it in the most extreme circumstances.

    But your attorney would certainly know better than me.

    What about a compromise? I would ask for something that empowers you to make decisions but also gives your XH an appropriate way to have input/disagree. Could you go for something that would still require joint decisions, but in the event that you cannot come to a mutually agreeable choice, your XH has the opportunity to take you to mediation (at his cost). But you would also want to make sure you could go forward with something unless and until a mediator decided otherwise. 

     

    my read shelf:
    Erin's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
    Report Reply
  • CFjo2010CFjo2010 member
    imageFutureMrsWittig:

    I don't think it can hurt to petition for it.  At the very least if the court won't grant you sole legal custody, they can put in your CO a procedure for when you disagree.  Our CO states that we will go to mediation if an agreement can't be reached.

    The worst that can happen is the judge says no, leave things the way they are, but he or she can also rule on this current issue at the same time.

    ^^  This.  Also in some instances when the NCP lives in another State, the Courts will often say that CP has sole decision-making regarding school and childcare.  That's actually what I'm going in to get soon.  In a perfect world, parents will agree on whatever is genuinely in the bests interests of their children, and not use these decisions as a way to exert control.  Unfortunately, we don't live in a perfect world and Courts are starting to catch on.

     

    image

    Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Weight Loss Tools



    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"