if you have had 2+ m/c, did you feel different? (DS ticker) — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

if you have had 2+ m/c, did you feel different? (DS ticker)

I was wondering if you felt differently when you found out about your 2nd m/c vs. your first. I know any time this happens the circumstance is heartbreaking, but I guess my question is where you less upset at the second or following times?

Looking at my behavior and emotional state, I have noticed that I am acting a lot less upset this time. I think it's kind of weird that I am not more upset.

I am sad and disappointed, don't get me wrong, but comparatively I felt a lot worse the first time. My situations were different (older gestational age the first time), so that could contribute to my feelings.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.


BFP #2 10/7/11, EDD 6/14/12, Hb 8w4d, Missed m/c discovered at 10w4d, measuring 9w.
Natural m/c 11/23/11

BFP #3 2/17/12, m/c 5w1d, CP

RLP, Sonohystogram, HSG, no sig. findings, only poss. endo

BFP #4 5/20/12, EDD 01/28/2013, 3 wks on beta roller coaster, 7w1d u/s: irregular hb/1 wk behind on growth. 8w2d u/s: no hb, still measuring 6w1d. 3 rounds of cytotec.
Natural m/c 6/27/2012.
Proceeded to more testing with new RE in July 2012, which revealed endometritis. Treated with antibiotics and had biopsy to confirm it has been resolved. TTC again starting Jan. 2013.


Re: if you have had 2+ m/c, did you feel different? (DS ticker)

  • I was by far less upset after our second loss than I was with the first one.  I even remember telling people I felt guilty because I wasn't sitting around crying.

    Our third loss is a completely different story though.  I was an emotional wreck all weekend, and still get pretty sad when I let myself go there mentally.  I think the difference with the second for me, is we came up with a plan to do things differently the next time (started Metformin and planned on doing progesterone suppositories) so I felt hopeful right away that the 3rd pregnancy would work it.  Unfortunately, it didn't Sad

    Everyone is affected differently, and each loss does feel different so I think it's perfectly normal to let yourself feel whatever you feel.  I'm so sorry for your losses.  ((hugs)) 

  • It hit me harder this time. This one was much later and I think I bonded much more with the baby. Looking back though, I got pregnant a short two weeks after the first miscarriage and never fully allowed myself time to process it. I feel like I'm mourning both of them now.

    BPF 1. Baby Girl "Petri" 12/22/11 Said goodbye 12/27/11

    BPF 2. Baby Boy "Roo" 1/20/12 Heartbeat 160b/m 2/15/12 Said goodbye 2/20/12

    BPF 3. Rainbow Baby Boy "Creed"  4/28/12 Born healthy and alive 1/5/13

    BFP 4. "Rainbow 2.0" 8/17/14 due 4/28/15


    "Darling don't be afraid. I have loved you a thousand years. I love you a thousand more."



    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

  • Yes, there were some differences.  My first was at 14 weeks with great ultrasounds, great heartbeats, great nuchal scan, etc. and then bam, our son died.  With my second, I knew right from the very start that things weren't going to end well.  I had no morning sickness (as compared with major morning sickness with my other pregnancies), no baby seen at the first ultrasound and then a baby measuring a week or more behind with a slow heartrate at the rest of the ultrasounds.  I could see it coming and steeled myself for losing a second baby.

    So, I actually started mourning my second loss a month before it happened and I guess that made me not quite as sad after the D&C.  Additionally, the D&C was less stressful on me than my first miscarriage in which I was induced and delivered my son.  After my second loss I was just that much more determined to have another baby, my type A personality definitely kicked into high gear.

    For many people though, I believe that with each loss they re-mourn the previous losses.  And, for those without living children, I think each loss brings more and more worry that they may never have a living child.

    Kelly, Mom to Christopher Shannon 9.27.06, Catherine Quinn 2.24.09, Trey Barton lost on 12.28.09, Therese Barton lost on 6.10.10, Joseph Sullivan 7.23.11, and our latest, Victoria Maren 11.15.12

    Secondary infertility success with IVF, then two losses, one at 14 weeks and one at 10 weeks, then success with IUI and then just pure, crazy luck.  Expecting our fifth in May as the result of a FET.

    This Cluttered Life

  • I feel differently because I had a healthy pregnancy in between. I'm not quite as upset because I am much more hopeful that I will get pregnant again and will be able to carry the baby to term. After my first m/c, I felt somewhat hopeless because I wasn't sure if I would ever be a mother.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    BFP#1: 10/2009, missed m/c at 12 weeks: 12/2009
    BFP#2: 4/2010, Baby boy born: 12/15/2010
    BFP#3: 1/2/2011, missed m/c at 11 weeks: 2/24/2012, D&C: 2/27/2012
  • Initially I was less upset with my 2nd loss but over time I think it evened out. I had a lot of fear that something was wrong and a strong drive to find answers. Once all the testing was over I think I finally was able to sit back and grieve. With my third loss Im not sure I've ever really cried over the loss of that baby. I'm more just pissed off that things just keep getting worse. And extremely worried about the future.

     My Blog: Grow Baby Grow

    BFP #1: 12/2009 m/c 1/2010 BFP #2: 6/2010 m/c 8/2010

    BFP #3: 10/2011 ectopic 11/2011 (right tube removed, learned left tube was probably nonfunctional due to scar tissue from infection after m/c)

    3 failed IUIs, IVF #1: 18R, 12M, 10F, 3 poor quality 5d embryos transferred= BFP #4!!!!!

    Betas: 9dp5dt: 64 ~14dp5dt: 91 (expecting miscarriage, doubling time of 236 hours) ~16dp5dt: 200~18dp5dt: 500

    First Ultrasound at 6w2d revealed two sacs, only one with a heartbeat

    LK arrived after 42 weeks on August 14, 2013! Beautiful, healthy, and happy!

    TTC#2: IVF booked for April 2015

    Surprise BFP#5 February 19, 2015 EDD: November 2, 2015

    Betas: 10dpo: 10, 14dpo: 77, 17dpo: 270

    First Ultrasound at 5w1d showed a miracle UTE baby! And right ovary ovulation to left fallopian tube.

    JD arrived at 38 weeks on October 20, 2015.

    TTC #3: Since October 2017. BFP #6 July 2, 2018 EDD: March 16, 2019

  • My 1st one was a complete shock to me and absolutely devastating, even though it was very early.  Since then, I have had a healthy baby girl, and am now TTC#2.  I just m/c for the 2nd time on Sunday.  I was upset and had bouts of crying fits, but I seem to be healing emotionally much faster.  I've accepted it and have decided to put it behind me and keep trying.  
    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Don't call me prego caffeine-thursday your BFF google having a baby
  • The first miscarriage (Dec. 2010) was devastating because I was just so stunned that it happened.  However, over time I found out that it happens to a lot of people and somehow that made it easier to accept.  I was able to tell myself, "Okay...let's move forward and try again."  When my second miscarriage (Jan. 2012) happened, I was devastated, but also pissed!  I couldn't believe I was going through this again after having tried to get pregnant again for a year.  I was (and still am) angry.  It's been harder to accept because I don't know if I'll get pregnant again (I'm 40) and even if I do, I might miscarry again. 

    I'm so sorry we are all on this board.  However, it is comforting to know I'm not alone.  

  • I definitely feel different this time.  I feel less shocked and surprised, but more depressed and hopeless.  I'm only one day out, so who knows how I'll feel in a couple of weeks.   I had so few symptoms last time, that my body recovered very quickly.  This time, I still feel sick and pregnant, so that part really sucks.
    BFP #1: 10.28.11 - Natural M/C: 12.9.11 @9w3d
    BFP #2: 1.30.12 - missed m/c found on 2.27.12 - D&C 3.1.12 @8w 
    BFP #3: 1.02.13 / EDD 8.31.13 / It's a boy!  - Baby Henry born 8.14.13
    BFP #4: 9.28.14 / EDD 5.27.15 / It's a girl! 


  • First of all, I am so sorry for your losses.

    To answer your question....I don't know if I would say that I was any less "upset" by my second loss, but maybe less shocked. With out first, we went in at almost 10 weeks for our first u/s, no symptoms that anything was wrong, and found a missed m/c measuring a week behind. I had a D&C the next day. It all happened so quickly; we literally went from talking about baby names one minute, to being asked what we wanted to do with the "products of conception" the next. I was in such a state of shock that I felt that I was drowning and wasn't really aware of what was going on around me.

    With our second pregnancy, I had pushed for an earlier u/s just to make sure everything was okay. At the u/s, they found an empty gestation sac measuring almost two weeks behind....devastating. However, since they didn't believe me about my dates, they sent me home for ten days (or ten FREAKING days!) to wait and come back to confirm. Since I had so long to wait, and grieve, by the the time we went back in again, I had already braced myself for the loss...and so I was much more calm in asking questions and paying attention to what was going on around me. Now, two weeks after that (so almost a whole month has now passed) I am more focused on finding out why this is happening.

    In some ways too, having a blighted ovum the second time, and knowing the baby never had a heartbeat was a little easier.....it still sucked, but with my first, I had always worried if it hurt when little bug's heart stopped beating.

    My advice is to not beat yourself up for how you are feeling (or how you think you should be feeling)....I think anything is okay.



    First BFP! 9/5/11- M/C 9wk5 1st U/S, no HB.
    Forever loved, little bug.

    Second BFP: 1/13/12. 2/13/12: Blighted Ovum diagnosis. Chromosomal testing showing complete tetraploidy. We'll miss you, little monkey and wish we could have known you. Two babies never to be in our arms, but always in our hearts.

    Third BFP: 5/4/12 EDD: 1/12/2013. Our rainbow baby, W, born 1/16/13 a healthy little boy!!! We love you honeybadger and are so so blessed to have brought you home!

    All "after loss" board ladies (PgAL, TTCAL, PAL, MC/PL) always welcome to post!
  • Like pp, I also had a healthy pregnancy in between my losses.  For some reason though, I am much more upset this time.  After my first loss, I was in shock and had a fear that I would never be a mom.  So, in that respect, things are different now.  The first time, I got pregnant our first month TTC, and I remember thinking, "I should have known it was too good to be true."  

    This time, it took 7 months to get pregnant.  We also saw the heartbeat at 6 weeks, and I had no m/c symptoms.  Even though I felt something wasn't "right" with this pregnancy, seeing the heartbeat gave us hope.   Now, not only am I grieving the loss, but I'm also grieving for DS and am so sad for him that he might not have a sibling.  Time is not on my side and I'm so afraid that this was my last chance at having another baby. 

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • With my first I was depressed for a while. I didn't allow myself to get too excited with my second pregnancy because my husband was kinda iffy about it, I was sad when I lost it but not as upset as the first. This last one was...just devastating to me. I feel like since I never allowed myself to really mourn the second one I'm now mourning both of them (even though they're a year apart). I still get depressed when I think about the last one but I'm trying to move on and be hopeful for the future. 
    Trying to Conceive Ticker BFP: June 20, 2006. Lost: August 07, 2006. BFP: Feburary 22, 2011. Lost: Feburary 25, 2011 BFP: December 19, 2011. Lost: December 26, 2011.
  • My first two losses were very different... my first was ectopic & my second was a natural m/c.  They were both devatstating to me... but ive had 2 chemical pregnancies since then and they definitely werent as devastating when they happened... unfortunately after the 3rd was when i considered that I had a real problem and should stop TTC and see someone...
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