When did you "tell"?

limpetfan · February 2012

I'm only 4w5d today, so it ridiculously early, but I've been wondering... when did you guys tell people you were pregnant? We were very much out of the IF closet, so a lot of our friends and family either knew the specifics of what we were doing and when, or they at least had an inkling that something was going on. So far we've managed to avoid confirming or denying anything to most people (my mom knows), but when did you feel safe enough to tell the people close to you?

TJ1979 · February 2012

I told our immediate family at 9 weeks because it was Christmas. I told my closest friends at 12 weeks and my boss at 13 weeks. I'm now 18 weeks (tomorrow) and haven't really told anyone else. I guess my co-workers and such will figure it out before too long. I don't have a facebook, so I won't be coming out that way. GL.

Sloane99 · February 2012

Our immediate families knew that we were going through IVF so we told our parents and siblings right away. Close friends and other family found out around 11 weeks - after we heard the heartbeat and we told everyone else after our NT scan around 13 weeks.

ccam · February 2012

We told our immediate families the weekend after we got our first beta results. They all knew we were going through IVF and knew when we should be finding out if it worked or not. So instead of lying to them, we let them all know. My best friend also knew right away for the same reasons. The rest of our friends and family don't know about our IF struggles and found out we were expecting right around 13 weeks.

KDR1979 · February 2012

With each failed IVF/miscarriage, we told less and less people when we were cycling. So, we actually managed to do a good job of keeping our BFP a secret. We actually got to a point where we got nervous to tell because keeping it secret was kinda keeping it "safe."

But, we had a ton of fun (did fun things, had a get together at our house) telling our immediate families (parents, siblings, nieces & nephew) @ 10 weeks, extended family @ 12 weeks, work @ 12.5 weeks. Then came out on FB @ 13 weeks.

I then counted down until 24 weeks (viability). Every passing week makes me less nervous, but I just can't wait to get them here healthy & hopefully full term!

limpetfan · February 2012

KDR1979:
We actually got to a point where we got nervous to tell because keeping it secret was kinda keeping it "safe."

This is where we're at right now. We're so scared telling ANYONE is going to jinx the whole thing! My first u/s is a week from today, and I'm convinced we'll somehow mess it up if we tell my sister, or my brother (who both knew we were cycling, they just didn't know when we'd find out if it worked this time). Thanks for sharing!

blueberries8 · February 2012

We told our parents right away and siblings and very close friends at 12 weeks. After that we gave our parents the ok to share the news among relatives. We never really officially announced so to speak, but I started showing quite early.

UMichGirl · February 2012

We told our parents the day we tested positive. They knew what we were going through. Other very close friends who knew what we were doing out of state we told as well.

Aunts/uncles/other family were told around 12 weeks.

We posted on Facebook at 14 weeks.

I told my students at 18 weeks.

GL!

Suebee8 · February 2012

Because it was out third attempt at IVF we didn't tell anyone we were cycling again. We wanted things to be as low stress as possible. We didn't tell anyone including family we were pregnant until Christmas when I entered 2nd trimester.

bumpuser6119831 · February 2012

We told our parents at 5 weeks (Christmas morning) because his father is dying and was having a really bad day. Luckily he is at least trying to fight now. We told brothers/close friends at 8 weeks, office at 10 and semi close friends at 12 weeks. The rest will know when the time is right or after he/she is born.

mandalinn25 · February 2012

We are in the minority but we told after our first beta. We were very open publicly about our IF and IVF journey and everyone knew when we would be testing and such. For us we looked at it as if something was to happen, we would rather have the support. It is just what worked best for us. Congrats again.

ELF4321 · February 2012

We waited a long time to tell most people, because of my prior m/c and the very low odds the RE had given us of having a successful pregnancy on our own (5%), plus being AMA, we just weren't comfortable sharing with the world until we started to feel more comfortable with the pregnancy ourselves.

We actually told some of our close friends before we told our families. They knew about our IF issues and we knew that we could trust them (unlike our families) to keep it to themselves until we were comfortable with everyone knowing. So we had a few people we confided in at the beginning.

DH's family never even knew that we were ttc, much less about the IF stuff, and we didn't want to tell them until we felt more comfortable with the pregnancy sticking because they absolutely cannot keep things to themselves. Because we weren't telling them, we didn't think it would be fair to tell my family either, even though they knew about our history and that we were planning to do IVF. We just made something up when they asked about having to delay our cycle because of my "hormone levels" (sorta kind true? lol) I think if my mom was still around, it would have been different because I would have wanted to tell her right away.

We finally told the families at 15 weeks -- after the NT scan results came back and I had one more OB appt to make me feel like things were fine. Plus 15 weeks was Thanksgiving and I was starting to show, so we wouldn't have been able to hide it from my family at that point anyway. Honestly, if it hadn't been for that, I might have waited until after we did the anatomy scan at 19 weeks. But I'm super-paranoid.

I think it's just a really personal decision based on your comfort level. A lot of people tell right away after confirming the HB, others wait much longer like I did.

DrRx · February 2012

We never kept our IVF a secret from family, friends, or coworkers, but we didn't necessarily post about it on FB, etc. Keep in mind that DH and I have a small number of FB friends, and it is all people that we know pretty well.

Our close family and friends knew when we had the positive HPT and the official betas. We told the rest of the world (work, FB, etc) when we had our ultrasound that showed the heartbeat and were released to the OB.

DrRx · February 2012

We never kept our IVF a secret from family, friends, or coworkers, but we didn't necessarily post about it on FB, etc. Keep in mind that DH and I have a small number of FB friends, and it is all people that we know pretty well.

Our close family and friends knew when we had the positive HPT and the official betas. We told the rest of the world (work, FB, etc) when we had our ultrasound that showed the heartbeat and were released to the OB.

STL34 · February 2012

Since we did IVF and our immediate families and a few work people knew about our cycle and the approximate timing, we told those people right after getting positive betas. It would have been pretty much impossible to not tell them (they did ask). We waited until 10-12 weeks to tell everyone else. I just can't remember the exact time frame. But, I think it was 12 weeks.

mswood1977 · February 2012

We told our parents and siblings the day we got our BFP, they knew about our struggles and also knew it was about time to find out if our last IUI worked or not.

We told other close family members (like grandparents) after our 1st u/s at 7 weeks. I told most other friends/family after our 2nd u/s at 8 weeks and then I announced on FB after my 3rd u/s at 10 weeks.

beth0874 · February 2012

We told our parents and siblings right away. They knew our IF journey. Some other families also knew about our struggle with IF but we avoided telling them at first. We told everyone as soon as I hit 2nd tri.

limpetfan · February 2012

Thanks, this is all very helpful

Jeep Doll · February 2012

Before IVF, we told close family that we were planning on doing IVF, but would not tell them when. We didn't want all of the questions if it failed.

As for telling them the news about pregnancy, we told our parents after the first U/S (yesterday!) which was at a little over seven weeks. We will tell siblings, aunts/uncles, cousins, good friends after the first tri is over. After everyone close to us knows, then it will be allowed on FB (maybe not public announcement, but photos or something).

boymomstrong · February 2012

We told our parents only at 6,7,and 8 weeks, one set each weekend. They came to visit us for christmas... Then we told the rest of the world at 15 weeks, and it was so hard for me... I was so worried we would tell and then have to untell, but I am feeling better and better every day, and we havea home doppler so we listen to her and hear her, and I felt her for the first time this last weekend, only once, but it was just something else to tell me baby is doing great!

Tell when it feels right to you, and remember to enjoy this for all it is! I have to keep reminding my self to be happy and to enjoy it! Sometimes I feel so worried I forget its a happy time, but IF did a real number on me, and my hubby, so we are just taking it one day at a time!

lovebug33 · February 2012

We told in waves. My parents were first, right away, because they had been taking me to appointments and helping out with the FET. Then, we told DH's family after the first u/s. We told our two best couple friends a week after that. Then, we didn't tell anybody for a while, until 10 weeks. Now, we have been doing a slow roll out of the news and just letting rumors take the course!

TotallyLoCo · February 2012

When we did our fresh IVF cycle we were a little too open about letting people know the timing etc., and it sucked having to let everyone know when it didn't work. For the FET the only people who knew the timing were a couple we're close with, and my boss (since he had to cover for me on my transfer date). So, those three people knew right away.

We told my family when I was about 5 1/2 weeks along, MIL after hearing the heartbeat at 6 1/2 weeks, and started letting some close friends know around 9 weeks. After the NT scan at 12 weeks we told everyone else as we saw them/talked to them.

jillychris · February 2012

My parents and sister got a phone call right away. They (after MH of course) have been my support through all of my IF and m/c struggles. MH told his parents after our 2nd beta.

I have also told two of my close friends at work (both have known about all of our struggles); my job can be incredibly demanding. I am a VP at a middle school, and these two, in addition to being a great support, have the ability to lighten my load some to revieve stress.

Extended family and friends will find out after 1st tri.

MiRae · February 2012

mandalinn25:
We are in the minority but we told after our first beta. We were very open publicly about our IF and IVF journey and everyone knew when we would be testing and such. For us we looked at it as if something was to happen, we would rather have the support. It is just what worked best for us. Congrats again.

This.

I haven't told people at work just family who knew we were doing IVF and close friends.

Crispity · February 2012

We told our immediate families on Thanksgiving, right after our first beta. Between the betas and the end of first tri, we told a couple of close friends who knew we were cycling "sometime before the end of the year" and kept asking us questions about it. Everyone else, we waited until second tri, and I still haven't told a couple of long distance friends (planning to soon!). I told work at 15 weeks, and DH hasn't told work yet.

If I could do it again, I'd rather not tell anyone until second tri. We have a history of early loss, and it made me so much more anxious to have a bunch of people wanting beta and ultrasound updates. It also didn't feel great telling anyone that early, because we were so nervous about the pregnancy. It wasn't a piece of good news to celebrate so much as it was some news that may or may not turn out well.

We had a party with close friends when I was 13 weeks along, and we told most of our friends then. We also told extended family members at that time. I can't even express how great it felt to just tell people and be happy, without the "it's still really early" caveat.

mdiblasi10 · February 2012

We told our parents and siblings, and each of our best friends, right away. We told the rest of the family at Christmas which was around 9 weeks. We announced on Facebook shortly after we told family.

annabelle8101 · February 2012

I've told my coworkers, many of my friends. I went to visit my former coworkers yesterday and they guessed.

I'm very open about my pregnancy. I had a loss in November and didn't really tell anyone during that pregnancy. After the loss, I was a wreck, and nobody understood why and it was SO HARD to explain the whole story then. Also, one of the things I felt sad about after the loss was that nobody knew that little tiny baby existed. I logically realize that it was a very early loss, but I just wanted to feel like some people in the world acknowledged and cherished my lost baby. So that's why I'm pretty open.

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