When do over-the-top tantrums stop

kastle · February 2012

Please tell me this stops at some point. Preferably some point before they go off to college.

Sprout had a tantrum-a-rrific weekend & I just need to know that at some point, it will be less bad. Lie to me if you need to.

kafunder · February 2012

I don't have any advice, just sympathy. Yesterday I thought I was going to lose it when DD was chasing DS b/c he had a toy she wanted and she kept trying to bite him. She had a complete throw-herself-on-the-floor tantrum with tons of tears for about 15 minutes straight when I gave her said toy but kept pulling her off DS and wouldn't let her bite him.

kastle · February 2012

kafunder:
I don't have any advice, just sympathy. Yesterday I thought I was going to lose it when DD was chasing DS b/c he had a toy she wanted and she kept trying to bite him. She had a complete throw-herself-on-the-floor tantrum with tons of tears for about 15 minutes straight when I gave her said toy but kept pulling her off DS and wouldn't let her bite him.

I don't know how you do it. Seriously. I would have no more hair on my head b/c I would have pulled it all out. Mothers of multiples, I salute you!

Sprout's big thing is throwing when he's mad. Unfortunately, he's also very strong. So, while he was "helping" daddy change a tire, he got angry, threw the tire iron & hit daddy on the head with it. Ouch.

Sofka · February 2012

ouch!! sadly, I don't know when it stops, DD is 3yrs and 4mo old and she has some zingers, worse, much worse, than the terrible 2s ever were, and they were BAD.

Jitterbug2668 · February 2012

Just know you are not alone! There are just somedays where I'm like kid, have at it. Scream all you want. Not only does he scream because he's not getting his way, he just screams to hear himself scream.

tracy042206 · February 2012

It does end. We are right there in it with Molly and it is frustrating and exasperating and just downright insane. I know it ends at different times for different kids though. Maggie is currently great but some people are frustrated with the 4's. I just know that Maggie currently does not have crazy insane meltdowns like Molly currently does - Maggie can be stubborn and hearing 'it's not fair' is not much fun but it better that the constant screaming of "I don't want X, Y Z" and the screaming from Molly.

WinesNotWhines · February 2012

I hear it gets better when they're 4. At least that's something, right?

I don't know if this will help you, but I swear M's weekend tantrums have gotten significantly better since we started taking him out of the house in the morning to literally run off some of his energy.

mbss · February 2012

Seeing as though I'm 31 weeka pregnant, I've been praying for 9 more weeks:-) we on about month 10 of over the top fits anytime we leave ANYWHERE. I feel your pain.

kastle · February 2012

WinesNotWhines:
I hear it gets better when they're 4. At least that's something, right?

I don't know if this will help you, but I swear M's weekend tantrums have gotten significantly better since we started taking him out of the house in the morning to literally run off some of his energy.

Oh, he was outside after breakfast until about lunch time & then a little more after his nap. The kid is full of frustration. Screaming "Need! Need! Bite! Bite!" does not clue me in on what he wants to eat & then he gets mad & throws something. I'm sure the neighbors were *thrilled* with all the outdoor tantrums.

We do time outs, but OY!

AgrippaRidesAgain · February 2012

DS is almost four and they have only increased in intensity thus far. Hoping that 4 is our magic number.

victoria1212 · February 2012

I have no advice because we have them frequently. And, I saw a 7ish year old at the grocery store this weekend throw a full on tantrum (while DD looked at him in absolute horror- really? you do that daily.)

tracy042206 · February 2012

victoria1212:
I have no advice because we have them frequently. And, I saw a 7ish year old at the grocery store this weekend throw a full on tantrum (while DD looked at him in absolute horror- really? you do that daily.)

Molly does this too - looks in horror at other kids crying and asks why are they crying. I don;t know, Molly, why do you cry all.the.time?

Hey Jellisy · February 2012

FWIW, timeouts in our house are only for actions like throwing or hitting or not doing something when asked. They don't work for tantrums, we've tried. The only thing that works for tantrums in my limited experience is time and space followed by a lot of hugs and loving words. DD is older than Sprout so we can talk about it. I don't rmemeber what we did when she was less vocal. I don't think they really started till she was older. Thankfully DS hasn't learned that behavior yet from his big sis.

kastle · February 2012

Ladies, this was *not* what I wanted to hear! 7 year olds still tantruming...in public no less!! Crying

Hey Jellisy:
FWIW, timeouts in our house are only for actions like throwing or hitting or not doing something when asked. They don't work for tantrums, we've tried. The only thing that works for tantrums in my limited experience is time and space followed by a lot of hugs and loving words. DD is older than Sprout so we can talk about it. I don't rmemeber what we did when she was less vocal. I don't think they really started till she was older. Thankfully DS hasn't learned that behavior yet from his big sis.

We only do time outs for hitting, throwing & kicking. We ignore the tantrum until he does one of those things. Do you not do time outs for tantrum-related throwing? I hadn't thought about separating the actions out like that before.

Of course, today he's being this little darling. I'm beginning to see a correlation between daddy & tantrums. He definitely is worse when daddy is home. Part of this is probably b/c daddy lets him get away with more (working parent guilt) & part of it I think is he's SO HAPPY that daddy is home, he can't deal with the excitement.

Hey Jellisy · February 2012

kastle:
We only do time outs for hitting, throwing & kicking. We ignore the tantrum until he does one of those things. Do you not do time outs for tantrum-related throwing? I hadn't thought about separating the actions out like that before.
Of course, today he's being this little darling. I'm beginning to see a correlation between daddy & tantrums. He definitely is worse when daddy is home. Part of this is probably b/c daddy lets him get away with more (working parent guilt) & part of it I think is he's SO HAPPY that daddy is home, he can't deal with the excitement.

I don't ignore it, I take whatever it is away from her and the object goes in timeout. I just can't reason with her in the middle of a tantrum, so I usually clear the area and give her space (ours almost always occur at home).

I have no idea what I would do if DD threw a tire iron, that would really hurt. A week ago she threw a hard plastic ball at DS that hit him square in the noggin. I think DD was as surprised as he was that she hit him and how much it hurt him. She still got a timeout even though she was immediately remorseful since that's an automatic one. When she hurts someone, she has to give them a hug and kiss and say sorry.

tracy042206 · February 2012

kastle:
We only do time outs for hitting, throwing & kicking. We ignore the tantrum until he does one of those things. Do you not do time outs for tantrum-related throwing? I hadn't thought about separating the actions out like that before.

I can't say my kids got too much out of TO's before 2yo (although see another post for a calm down timeout which is basically just ignoring the tantrum behavior and was for safety/new baby reasons). I would try and redirect for throwing (make sure there was nothing to throw when I saw them amp it up) but hitting or anything of that sort and I would walk way from them - again taking attention away so basically a TO we just didn't formalize it with a TO spot. They also got a very firm NO which was usually enough to make my kids cry and stop bad behavior at that age but I have definitely seen stronger kids who just hit harder after a firm NO.

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