moms of 2 (or more)...

southmiamiwifejen · February 2012

A little informal poll here. What did you do differently with your 2nd child than with your 1st? And I'm not talking about the necessary, logistical differences (for example, I know obviously you probably got to spend less alone time with your 2nd than with your 1st)...I mean more in terms of parenting decisions and strategies (like sleeping arrangements, feeding habits, pacifier v. no pacifier, etc.).

As we get closer and closer to baby #2's due date, I am starting to force myself to remember the whole newborn/infant phase and although most of it (esp. the first 2-3 months) are somewhat of a fog, I obviously remember most of the major decisions we made and how we handled her. Overall I think we did a great job and so far I am happy with how my daughter is growing up and developing, but there are other little things here and there that looking back I wish I had handled a little differently. I know I won't really be able to make any set plans before my son is born, because God knows what kind of baby he will be. But I just hope when the time comes, I am smart enough to make some different choices to avoid falling into certain traps and bad habits and that I don't just fall back into the same exact routine I used with my daughter out of comfort when I now know that in the long run, there's a better way of doing things.

So, out of curiosity...what did you change the 2nd time around?!

Sparks in training! · February 2012

Planned him for one! LOL

Wink

But this time around i didnt get EVERYTHING baby-I.E. Diaper genie, bottle warmer. Not spending tons of money on the upscale Daycare- Just doing the center 2 blocks from work.

What I did do-

Got the crib i always wanted (Round)

Decorated a nursery

Stocked up on Diapers and wipes durning pregnancy

Mrs.HisOnly · February 2012

I don't have a baby #2 yet but I actually think about this often.

J's first 10 weeks were so hard because he had colic. Alexis have discussed how we are going to handle the night time wake ups and how we take turns. We were both up with him a lot and neither of us ever got any sleep. I'm also going to put him/her in their crib sooner. J started sleeping SO MUCH BETTER when we put him in his room but I didn't because I didn't want him to be so "far". I'm also going to try to stick with the breast milk a little longer this time. With J I stopped pumping at 6 weeks because he was just SO bad that when I finally got him to stop crying the last thing I wanted to do was pump.

rosesandpeonies · February 2012

I basically did everything the same except buy tons of clothes and blankets lol. I had many left over (my girls are 18 months apart).

I will tell you that I was more laid back this time around with many things.

Albah · February 2012

What did we do different? Hmm...

1. We weren't as anal about sterilizing all of the bottles/pump parts. We just washed in hot soapy water the 1st time and that's it. With Big E we went a little over board.

2. I decided to breastfeed longer with Little E. We weaned down to twice a day by 14 months and continued in that fashion till now...18 months. With Big E, I BFed till 13 months and weaned gradually over a couple of weeks.

3.We sent little E to school sooner (he started preschool at 13 months compared to Big E who started at age 3). This was more because of necessity but it worked out great for all of us!

4. And for the most important difference of all.....Big E slept in our bed until 21 months and then we transferred him directly to a full bed. Little E has slept very little in our bed and he was transferred to his crib at around 5 months and has been sleeping there since. We don't plan on transferring him over to a bed until he climbs out on his own. This was actually something my husband and I decided on before the baby arrive. No more babies sleeping in our bed. And although it was nice to have Big E sleep with us, the transition was not an easy one and we had less alone time.

In general, we are also way more relaxed overall with Little E.

cocojack10 · February 2012

Just take a guess what my first plan is... sleeping arrangements!

Granted, it is hard to make firm decisions like you said bc you don't know what baby will actually be like, but I *plan* on make sure baby #3 sleeps in his/her crib and no more babies sleeping in our bed! I also don't want to get them accustomed to being rocked to sleep, which we do now. I want them to get used to quiet time in their crib and be able to put themselves to sleep.

I'd like for baby #3 to use more orthodonic friendly pacifiers. My boys used Nuk for a bit but started refusing them and only take the Soothie. I can already note Alex's buck teeth.

Since we had two babies, we need help, so I wasn't overly protective about family visiting immediatly and carrying them. Since it was flu season, I think we were being reasonable (purell when come to house, and if carrying them, wear a blanket over shirt).

I'd also attempt to breastfeed a lot longer. That is one big regret I have with the boys. I think the pressure of BF was partly causing the HBP, so after 6 wks, I stopped, and BP went down (don't know if coincidence, but calmed me for sure).

MrsJOSEnADRI · February 2012

I've been thinking about this a lot as we will be TTCing for #2 soon. With Elise, I'm pretty laid back about certain things, but strict on others. We've adapted our lives to her wholeheartedly, but I keep thinking that baby #2 will have to adapt to us and our lives instead. My biggest concern is not changing Elise's routine too much. I dont want her to become jealous or resentful since she is so attached to me. So, I figure that will be the biggest difference. For example, I'm very strict with Elise's eating/napping routine, but I figure the next baby will just have to adapt to us or should I say her schedule. Like, if I'm picking up Elise from school, baby #2 will have to nap in car. Maybe, we'll figure out a way to give baby #2 the same level of attention as we have with Elise, but more than not I think the next baby will have to adjust to the family routine we have now. I'd also like to bf longer and possibly have a longer mat leave if i can time it right now that I'm back in the classroom

I've even gone as far as to plan the drop-off/pick-up schedule. If Elise comes to work with me to our prek3, then Jose can drop the baby off at my mom's, like he does now, and I'll take Elise with me to pick up the baby after work. so, this is another example of how the new baby would have to adapt to our current routine.

melly&jimmy · February 2012

I am in the (or more) category (=

Some things I did differently from my first born:

Sleeping arranangements. We didn't cosleep with baby 2 or 3. Chelsea went straight into the crib and when Benji was born - he went into the basinett (C was still in crib). Eli co-slept with us until he was 18 months. I loved co-sleeping with him. But it was very challenging to get him into his own bed/room. Baby 2, 3 would sometimes co-sleep but not every single night.

We didn't sanitize bottles every night.

Didn't buy a lot of "outfits". Kept it simple - onesies, yoga pants and soft socks.

Baby 2, 3 were not BF exclusively as it was difficult to express milk at work. I had gone back to work sooner baby 2 - 8 weeks, baby 3 - 12 weeks, baby 1-6 months.

britishbride05 · February 2012

with abby, i was a clean freak and stressed over every germ and sanitized everything.

sarah ate cat food yesterday. i think that enough illustrates what my answer would be

MrsLeanna · February 2012

Brooke is only 2 months old so I haven't had a whole lot of time yet. I did a lot of things the same with her, but she is different. With Alexis I didn't plan on having her sleep in my bed but she wouldn't sleep anywhere else so she did. With Brooke I went into it thinking I would do whatever I had to. Turns out she's a great sleeper with no help from me and sleeps great in the rock and play at night. I'm less anxious and tense and feed her on demand and don't really look at the time and if she is hungry every 2 hours I feed her, or every 5 hours, whatever. She has reflux like ALexis did and I didn't hesitate to treat it this time instead of letting it get out of control and I was able to handle it pretty quickly.

I'm also less paranoid like the others. I took Brooke out the day after she came home from the hospital and we go out all the time. I only washed her NB size clothes but didn't wash the rest. I haven't sanitized all her bottles. It's definitely different.

MellyMelB · February 2012

I think the one thing any mom should do with her second and third is.....be much more calm. You have this down pat. Every kid is different so there will always be surprises (i.e. Sophia did not take a paci or thumb, Izzy is a thumb sucker) but all of those nerves about the total and complete unknown are gone.

The difference with me is that I stressed more about Sophia and the changes to her life than the new baby. I worried about that a lot. In hindsight, it all works out - but that was a big stress for me.

With #2 -

- I breast fed Isabelle longer. I felt more comfortable, knew what I was doing. So while Sophia got breast milk until 3 months, Isabelle enjoyed it until she was almost 8 months.

- Isabelle did not have to CIO. She soothed herself much easier than Sophia ever did because of the thumb sucking and has been a great sleeper from the beginning even if she took longer to STTN and still does not sleep 12 hours like Sophia did.

- I was less strict with the schedule. I couldn't be home at naptime each day because we had Sophia and her activities to work around so Izzy learned to sleep in a stroller better than Sophia ever did. I cannot say this was a bad thing!

Thats about all I can think of. Cosleeping was not for me with either kid although I would not mind it if my kids did this in the mornings to sleep in (both are super early birds). Neither of my kids had problems with their cradle or crib so that was not an issue. Other than the above and all that goes along with being a second child things have been done pretty much the same way.

southmiamiwifejen · February 2012

Loved reading everyone's responses

Like I said in my original post, overall I am happy with the way we've done things with Emma so I'd like to take the same general approach. I think I've always been very laid back and I've tried to be the opposite of the "helicoptor mom." From the moment Emma started to become mobile (i.e., crawling), I've tried really hard to just let her do her thing and observe her from a close distance (where I can jump in if she gets herself into trouble), but not hover. Overall I think it's helped her development a lot. Sure, she might get a few more bumps and bruises than some other kids, but I think the tradeoff is worth it. I'd like to keep that general attitude when it comes to Luca. As for the newborn stage, I was always pretty good about just following her cues and not trying to set forth a strict schedule. That's something I'd like to do with Luca as well...be patient and give him time to develop his own routine instead of trying to impose a schedule from the very first few weeks of life.

The main things I'd love to change are the sleeping and eating. As many of you know, Emma still cosleeps with us for most of the night. From the newborn stage she was not a good sleeper and not good at self soothing. I didn't feel comfortable letting her fuss it out or cry it out when she was so tiny, so we just fell into a pattern of always letting her sleep in our arms or in our bed. Then as she got older, that habit just sort of stuck. The only way to get her to sleep entirely on her own would have been "cry it out," and even though I actually tried to do that a few times, my husband was never on board and would never let her cry for more than 10 minutes at a time before caving in and bringing her into our bed. Neither of us ever had the energy to go back and forth from her room to our room every hour on the hour to soothe her and put her back to sleep in her crib. She's a stubborn girl and I think it would have taken at least 4 or 5 sleepless nights. As a working mom, I just never had it in me to give it that much effort. I do complain sometimes about the fact that we still co-sleep and in a perfect world, I wish she would just sleep through the night in her own room. But when all is said and done, I do have to admit that it's not THAT terrible. I do enjoy the bonding aspect of it very, very much. So while my ideal would be to have Luca not end up like his sister in the sleeping department, deep down I know that if he has her same tendencies of being a bad sleeper and not a good self-soother, we may end up in the same boat. I know we will have the extra incentive to keep him out of our bed since there's already a toddler in there, but overall I know us and I know we won't have the energy or desire to lose multiple nights of sleep in order to get him to sleep on his own. So I'm just praying that we are in a similar situation to Leanna and Mel and that baby #2 is just naturally a better sleeper and that he is much better at putting himself to sleep and staying asleep.

As for the eating, Emma was a GREAT eater her first year of life and then right after she turned one, it all went to sh*t. I was really anal about giving her only "good" foods from when she started solids at 5.5 months and until she turned a year. Everything was organic, and made all her baby food from scratch (except for certain fruit purees, like prune, which I just used store-bought organic brands). She seemed to have a great appetite and would eat anything and everything I gave her. Well, some time after she turned one and we started the transition from mostly purees with some finger foods to exclusively finger foods/non-pureed foods, she just became super picky. I think I just didn't do enough of a good job of giving her as wide of a variety of healthy solids since it was so much easier for me to cook and prepare the food as purees versus as "real" food. I also fell into the trap of letting her eat whatever she wanted just to be able to get some food in her even though she was never underweight and even though my pedi reassured me that she could afford to skip a few meals. With Luca, I hope I'm much better at not relying so much on the purees and making sure that he gets lots of healthy finger foods/solids from the very start. I also hope to avoid introducing junk food at such an early age as I did with Emma. With Emma I always figured a bite of something unheathly here and there was no big deal, everything is okay in moderation, but in hindsight, I realize that's how the bad eating habits get started and then they aquire a taste for those things and don't want to eat the good stuff.

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