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So That Went Well
I told my husband tonight about the divorce.
It started off just like you'd expect. He told me it was all my fault. I got fat, I got mean, I moved out of our bedroom. These were all reasons he was out drinking instead of spending time at home. Then he told me no one would ever want me, and I'd have the same problems with anyone I'm ever with. He cried a lot, which hurt me a lot. Of course I'm asking myself, "What if..." What if I hadn't gained weight, what if I'd reacted to his problems with more patience and more kindness?
But I can't change anything now. He's out drinking, he doesn't want to quit drinking, and he doesn't want to change. I hope for his sake and for DD's that being on his own will be the wake up call he needs. I hope he can (super cheesy sentence to follow) get back to the happy, fun, inspired man I knew almost 10 years ago.
After the ugly part, he left and we talked on the phone, via text, phone calls, and email. This has always been a good form of communication for us. So far, he's agreed this is what's next. He's agreed to the custody ideas I came up with, he's agreed to let me keep the house if I can afford it, he's agreed to the posession divisions I suggested. He's agreed to fill out all the paper work with me so we don't both have to hire lawyers.
I know ... famous last words. I have a lawyer ready, and have already met with them, if it goes there. He told me his only concern is that I don't leave him broke (I don't plan on it) and most importantly that I don't try to keep him out of his daughter's life. I have no intentions of doing that either. He seems very calm and collected now that he's had time to process. He knew this was coming, and even if he doesn't admit it to himself, I think he's relieved.
I hope no one thinks I'm making this decision lightly. I'm very emotional right now, and so so nervous about what this means for our daughter.
If you have any to spare, some **amicable divorce dust** and **ability to keep your house dust** would help me out tremendously. Again, sorry for the AE. This will obviously be open information soon, but for now I don't know what's going to happen and don't want all my business on the internet tied to my name. Thanks again for everyone's super kind words and support.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: So That Went Well
I am glad that went as well as could be expected. Make sure that you keep evidence of his agreeing to everything. I send you all the amicable divorce dust possible and ability to keep your house.
Hang in there!
Married and it feels so good!
((hugs))
I'm glad to hear that so far it's going as smoothly as it has. I'm sure this is so
Tough on you. I hope things turn out for the best for all of you. Lots of t&p to you.
You have
.
{{{hugs}}}
Exactly. Hugs to you.
Wow. It's funny that you posted because I was thinking about you today and wondering how you were. I wish you tons and tons of amicable dust with the divorce.
I want you to know that his drinking is not your fault. The fact that he blames you is an indication of his level of denial. But regardless of what you do/did, he is fully to blame for his behavior. He is in control of his drinking and you are not to blame. If you want someone to go to al anon, I have been itching to go and haven't. Let me know if you want company. Big hugs!!
I am sorry that you are going through this, but it is what is going to be best for you and your DD.
Lots of dust for you!!!
I think you've given this a lot of thought and you are absolutely doing the right thing for you and dd. It's ridiculous that he'd even try to blame you and tell you it's because you got fat? Really??? That's just unacceptable. I hope he doesn't impose body image issues onto your dd.
I wish you all the strength in the world I know this will all be tough and I hope he doesn't show his true asshattery colors before everything is final. This needs to be easy for you... you deserve that.
Married October 28, 2006, TTC since March 2009 IUI #1-8 w/ clomid = BFN
IVF # 1 May, 2011 = BFP!!! Stillbirth at 26 weeks (placental failure/severe IUGR)
FET #1 February, 2012-- BFP! Beta #1=84 Beta #2= 207 Beta #3= 3,526
Our Rainbow Baby is on the Way!
ditto. Tons of smooth sailing keeping your house dust.
*101 Blog*foodie blog*scrapbooking blog*
Ditto. Lots of dust to you!
TTC #1 since February 2011
BFP #1 1/14/12 EDD 9/24/12 m/c at 8w4d on 2/20/12
March 2012- Dx with PCOS, started metformin
July 2012- SA completely normal
Rosie said it better than I could. Loads of good thoughts and prayers coming your way. (((hugs)))
Absolutely this. Lots of dust that everything remains amicable!
Wishing you much strength! I've been thinking of you often as well. Congratulations on making a really difficult decision and moving forward in the right direction for you and your DD. That really takes a strong person.
Photo by Melissa Glynn
Hugs. I hope everything foes smoothly and you can keep the house.
If you are interested, I'd like to share how Al Anon has been my lifesaver through a very similar situation. And I went thru a similar divorce (in that we tried to be amicable at first and kids were involved) a year ago and have my experience to share (if you're interested). My email is [username].austin at gmail.
He's not ready to take the responsibility and make the changes in his life with regards to his drinking. That is not on you. :: hugs ::
Sending you many good thoughts and all the dust you need.
Rarely Updated Blog
Thanks so much, everyone. We are crossing every T and dotting every I as far as we can tell, legally. I have a lot of non-offiical-or-legal legal adice being doled out by the lawyer in my family, to help with the paperwork. The husband is the one insisting we can keep it civil and not require lawyers, but I have one on hand if it goes there. He's being surprisingly agreeable, so I just want to get this finalized before he changes his mind. And yes, I'm documenting everything.
I plan on making everything official - child custody and child support, the house, etc. I think our biggest hurdles are going to be: The house and me trying to keep it, and the baby - how to do a custody agreement for a child so young, since there aren't any "fill the in blank" forms for children under 3.
Anyways ... thanks again. Sorry for all the vague venting under an AE, and thanks for listening.