Having a scheduled RCS, not telling anyone...anyone else? — The Bump
C-sections

Having a scheduled RCS, not telling anyone...anyone else?

I have scheduled my rcs, but when people ask me if I am having a rcs or if I am going to try for a VBAC I tell them I haven't decided yet and I don't plan on telling anyone (except a couple very close people) until after the baby is born.

I feel like so many people are so judgemental about the decision and the people who always have the most to say have never been in the situation I was in with DS, so I feel like it's in my best interest to avoid criticisms and not tell anyone, this way I don't start to second guess myself.

I have a cousin who is so pro-natural birth that she sent me videos and info on VBACs before I even got home from the hospital last time.  It's not that I would chose a section if I had DS vaginally, but I didn't, these are the cards I was dealt and this is how I'm choosing to move forward.

 Anyone else feel this sort of judgement from others? 

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Re: Having a scheduled RCS, not telling anyone...anyone else?

  • For me, vbac or rcs will be a last-minute decision, but if I end up electing a c/s, I won't be telling anyone until after. I don't even want to tell our parents (we'll probably have to because we'll need a babysitter). Mostly I don't want people hounding us or waiting for us right outside of surgery, but I also don't want people feeling sorry for me, questioning me or giving me their opinions, so I can understand.

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  • I think it's okay not to tell anyone about your decision.  

    Personally, I'm very thankful for the advancement of medicine.  I had 2 breech babies, and if c-section were not an option for me, something could have gone wrong...   

    m/c - Dec 2005, DS - March 27, 2007, m/c - Oct 2009, DD - Feb 20, 2012

    Proud mother of two breech babies:)

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  • I agree with you - quite honestly it's no one's business but your own.  I was recently at a cocktail party and when I mentioned that I was having a C-Section, not only was one "friend" completely upset but she actually started yelling at me - asking me why and have I considered all of the effects (by the way, she has no children and has told me that she has no interest having children)...it was very uncomfortable for me and despite not needing to provide any additional information, I tried to politely diffuse the situation by stating that it was a medical decision that had been made many years prior.  Nope...that didn't shut her up...fortunately for me, I had another friend standing next to her who flatly told her to "drop it!" and another woman telling me to do whatever was right for me...I had no idea so many people would feel their opinion actually mattered...sollicited or not!
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  • We told people my rcs date but knew I would most likely go into labor first. I did! We only told my mom when I was in labor so she could come stay with our son. We waited to call anyone else until I was pretty much on the way to the OR, knowing it would take awhile for everyone to arrive. We wanted alone time with our new baby before our families showed up! It worked out perfectly.
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  • I am planning a CS this time after a traumatic vaginal delivery last time. I have told a few people and almost everyone has been supportive. I did have a woman make a couple of comments, and she has never even had kids. It must be so nice to know it all.
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  • Wow, I'm really sorry that family and friends are so judgmental! I can't believe people say things like this. With my DD, my doctor warned me early on that it would likely be a c/s because I have a bicornuate uterus and she was breech. Once I found out the date, I told everyone and I never got any negative comments. In fact, many people were very positive about a c/s! I think one person might have said "oh I'm sorry you have to have surgery!", but that was it. I think it's really pathetic that other people judge the way you have your child. Obviously this decision is not taken lightly and is usually warranted. But even if you wanted a c/s for no reason at all, no one has the right to judge how you deliver your child. You should be proud that you carried and nourished this child for 9 months and are bringing him or her into the world in the safest way possible! I guess being a mom always brings out the people who like to judge every decision you make. If it's not this, then it's something else.
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  • I probably should have done that!  It seems that some people assume my 1st c/s was b/c the baby was in distress, which was not the case.  So, just b/c you or your wife went for a VBAC the 2nd time, doesn't mean I want to or can.  My younger sister even gave me a bit of crap and then ended up with a c/s for the same reason.  She totally gets it now!  Her DS wasn't even a week old and she said the next one would be by RCS. Ironically, this baby is breech and likely to stay that way, so VBAC turned out not to be an option.
    DS1 age 7, DD age 5 and DS2 born 4/3/12
  • It's your delivery, so it's not really anyone's business.  That said, I think it's a little sad you feel the need to have to lie about your birth plans.  There's nothing shameful about a c/s, and keeping it a secret kind of implies that you think there is.  I say be proud of your choice and tell anyone who questions you to back off.  I gladly tell anyone who asks that I'm having my 3rd c/s and couldn't be happier about my plans.  I've had zero negative feedback, and I definitely have some hippie type friends and family.  I think they just know they can't sway my decision, so they don't bother.
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  • I had a lot of judgement with my first c/s.  I think it was because I didn't "try" to labor.  DS needed to come out at 39 weeks (GD baby and he was huge).  My body wasn't prepared to labor and the midwife, OB and DH/I made the decision based on the fact that they could induce and I would still need a c/s 36 hours later.  I wasn't dilated/effaced, no contractions, nothing.  I do have to chuckle at people (wrong? maybe) that are so anti-c/s and then end up having one.  Especially if they gave me crap for having one.

    I do have my RCS scheduled because again GD and baby needs to come out at 39 weeks.  They won't induce me so it's a RCS.  If I go into labor on my own, fine, I'll try a VBAC but I'm not going to be hurt if I don't have the vaginal experience because I still grew two children inside of me and gave birth to them.  My MIL who had 3 c-sections (for who knows what reason because she was short or whatever she claims) asked as soon as she found out we were expecting at 15 weeks (we didn't tell anyone because we just mean like that) if I was going to have a RCS, I said it's entirely way too early to make that decision, she definitely is judgmental and her opinion is always opposite of yours (even if she had 3 c/s).   Heck my doctor only scheduled me about 3 weeks ago for my c/s.  We are not telling anyone the date of our RCS (besides work/daycare) because we do not want people at the hospital or bugging us every 2 minutes (like we recently had with friends who gave birth--they were hounded non-stop on facebook to the point where they were stalking their family members to see if their baby was born) nor do we want my IL's to stay with us or watch DS (there's multiple issues that I have with them).  DH feels it's better to not tell anyone about the birth until we are home from the hospital (again, I stated we were mean nasty people) just because he doesn't want to hurt his mom's feelings when she gets told no, she can't watch DS or stay with us.  For the record, she stayed with me when DS was born and expected me to wait on her hand and foot and never helped out once (she stated she would do all these things for us--nope all she did was lay on the couch with her shoes on our furniture--which we don't do), I learned my lesson once.

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  • This is hard. I had an old classmate give me a hard time because I had a c-section with my 1st. She had a home birth and her husband said everyone can have a natural birth. Good for you buddy are you giving birth to your next child. My water broke and I only got to 4 cm after 35 hours and an induction at 13 hours in. I walked and tried the bath all that good stuff but he was just to big and changed his mind about coming out. So my new doctor said no way a  RCS is the plan for me. My son had an infection and had to back to the hospital at 6 days old. He was very sick I don't my child to go through that. The doctors I went to before only had 3 in the practice and everyone seemed to be having babies that day. I wanted to go at 24 hours because my water had broken but with the changing of shifts and the doctors not working well with me. The one who did the c-section was great. I am glad to be in a different state, hospital and with a practice that has 10 doctors, where someone is alway at the hospital.

    I hate commons from those that haven't been there and don't know. But from a man that takes the cake. 

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  • I have a MIL who's the complete opposite of most.  She had 3 csections herself and about fainted when I mentioned VBAC for future kiddos.  Appartently, I will die and that's not a safe option at all. :)  I probably won't tell anyone either!

     

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  • I hate that people feel the need to be so judgemental.

    I am having a RCS because otherwise this baby couldn't get out.  I have had all the people voicing their opinions that I should try for a VBAC, that I need to experience labor, that I have my babies the 'easy' way etc...

    I really don't think that there is any 'easy' way to have a baby and I quite enjoy telling these people this and that if I were to have a baby their way that I would probably die along with the child and did they really think that was necessary? 

    But then I like to be a smart-a$$ like that and enjoy making the people who are trying to make me feel bad about a medical decision squirm.   

     

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