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March 2012 Moms
adreajoy
member
It's official... (warning... MIL drama)
adreajoy
member
It's official-- my MIL has caused drama from the second she found out I was pregnant until the very end of my pregnancy.
As you all probably know by now, I hate FB but I have it for my family because we live 8,000 miles away and it is the most convienient form of communication given the 14 hour time difference. I literally have 42 friends on FB... my family and a few close friends. My H also has a FB for the same reason, and alot of his friends are on his page by not mine (makes sense). his mother is included in this because I refuse to be friends with her on FB because of her drama. My FB page is all the way private, only friends can see pictures/posts/personal info.
We finally got the CD from our 20 week U/S last week.. we had never seen the pictures before because the hospital had no paper to print them out and the machine was always broken to burn the CD. My mom really wanted to see the U/S picture and so did a couple of my girlfriends. I blacked out the social security number and other 'important' imformation, but it still had my name and the name of the hospital. H asked me to tag him in the photo so his friends could see too. MIL 'shared' the U/S picture on her PUBLIC facebook page. Didn't ask, didn't say anything, just posted it and said, "my new baby" on the caption portion.
I will get flamed for putting something up that I didn't want anyone else to put up, I know, but I felt she had no right to put a picture of my uterus, my name, and my hospital's name on a publicly viewable page, much less without asking, so I NICELY asked her to take it down and that I would print one and send it to her if she wanted it.
B!tch went crazy. Refuses to take it down. Said I wouldn't let her be 'excited' about her son's baby. Called me lots of lovely names. Told me she hoped DH left me and took my baby so she could raise him........ Oy vey... needless to say she is in a major time out with us right now and has been deleted from H's page altogether.
WHY THE DRAMA!?
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Re: It's official... (warning... MIL drama)
B!tch went crazy. Refuses to take it down. Said I wouldn't let her be 'excited' about her son's baby. Called me lots of lovely names. Told me she hoped DH left me and took my baby so she could raise him........ Oy vey... needless to say she is in a major time out with us right now and has been deleted from H's page altogether.
He deleted her, great but has he actually SPOKEN to her about her deplorable behavior? It doesn't make sense to me - doesn't she realize you're her grandchild's mother and she has to be REALLY nice to you in order to have contact with her grandchild at all? Especially considering the physical distance between all of you. Eesh.
He won't talk to her when he's angry with her--- he has to cool down first or else it will just drag out even longer. I can't tell you how many times he has "explained" to her why she can't just do whatever she wants with our personal information, but she doesn't get it and he doesn't get that he just needs to cut contact until she does 'get it'
This makes me so happy that BF's mom doesn't have FB.
I'm so sorry, last! I would be pissed if someone stole one of my pics!!! Especially a picture with sensitive information on it (like your name AND hospital).
I *really* love Pinterest!
Nothing to flame in what you did. I do agree with PP- you H NEEDS to talk to his mom about her behavior. He also needs to set down rules regarding images of your LO, her treatment of you, and what will/will not be tolerated.
I would also report her to FB for taking your images without asking. It may be her grandchild, but she has NO legal standing in regards to him by any stretch of the imagination. Therefore she has no rights to use those images.
By the way I'm sorry you have to deal with such a nut case. You would think that being so far would keep the drama to a minimum.
The problem is, we've tried to set boundaries with her and he has explained time and time again that she needs to A. Be nice to me B. respect our privacy and parenting decisions and C. Not post about my pregnancy without asking first
We even went 3 months not speaking to her at all. We just started talking to her again, and WAM another pyscho moment.
Well, that's her just desserts, then. Cut her out until she realizes that her behavior is completely unacceptable. This is an ongoing issue and she obviously doesn't respect you or YH's feelings on the subject. (Oh, and, FWIW- I'd report her azz to the FB gods in a heartbeat.)
I had to cut my own mom out a few years ago because she simply refused to respect boundaries... especially with my marriage. She felt that she OWNED me and had more say in my life and choices than MH. She said and did many hurtful things. I cut her out. Now that she knows I've got kids (my sister updates her against my wishes), she's begging to be back in my life. "I want to see my grandsons, waaahhhhh" is all I hear, because she hasn't changed, won't, and still wants to control me. My sons have plenty of other people who love them that I don't feel they need her.
I'd talk to YH about the possibility of putting her on ignore for a while and see if she changes her tune. Then, when you're ready to reestablish contact, give her the rules with the warning that ONE infraction will put her on the blackball list again. It may sound mean, but what else can you do to make her understand you're serious? It's YOUR family, YOUR marriage and YOUR information she's compromising.
He is military. We have not only sent her the links on the internet to PERSEC rules, we have snail mailed written copies to her. She just doesn't care/needs to have the drama. I refuse to talk to her anymore unless it is 100% necessary.
I have been with my husband a long time (almost a decade) and it has never been this bad until I got pregnant. She lost control of her brain function or something when she found out we were expecting, she's always been crazy, but it's NEVER been this bad. She literally thinks that she is going to wind up raising my baby I think.
Some people don't get how important that kind of imformation is... I would almost bet all of her password-protected info has the same password for everything, and predictable, at that.
Also, she is batfukcingcrazy. She needs a life lesson. I pray to GOD that I never go that insane on my boys just because I miss them.
BTW, when I said it's been years since I've spokent to my mother, I mean 6. I think 3 months = a slap on the wrist.
So flame me if you want...but I really hope I don't have a DIL someday that freaks out on me for sharing one of her u/s pics on facebook. Doesn't her friends already know that you exist and your name and that your pg. It's well with in your right to be pissed cause it is your child but I think you are also feeding the drama a little. She is an excited grandmother.
Wedding 6.18.04 Cole 11.20.06 Gavin 3.31.08 Parker 07.15.10 Logan 04.03.12
WOW! Your MIL went wayyy overboard. I'm sorry you are having to go through this stress right now... you and the baby don't need it.
I am not a big fan of FB either, but my best advice would just be to learn from this. If you don't want someone "sharing" things you put on there... don't put them on. You could even block her, I think that prevents that person from seeing anything about you, period. I had to go through all of this with my own mom...
Newzie- The issue is that she's sharing information that isn't hers to share, AND without asking. Also, Andreajoy's H is military, so a lot of that information has to be protected because terrorism takes many forms, and FB stalking could be VERY easy access to a member's activities. Posting sensitive info on a public forum is a no-no, because it can give someone a clue to their schedule/job importance/personal information, then use that, along with other collected info, to form the basis for an attack on the base/area.
Basically, it sounds harmless, but it's not. A molehill can easily form a mountain with information. What her MIL is doing could actually compromise her son's safety, and everyone else around him.
Newzie- the real question would be if your DIL asked you not to post something, especially with sensitive information on it, would you still go ahead and do it?
There is also the fact that OP is a military wife and there are rules/security issues that come into play.
Both my mom and MIL are very excited for the new baby. Both are also on FB. But they also both respect our wishes that things not be done with out our OK.
This is my mom's first grandchild and she has never asked for a copy of my u/s to show her friends. Honestly if she did I'd find it odd. The most my mom or MIL do is put posts one their walls about R and I expecting. There have been no bump pictures of me posted, or anything more than what R and I are willing to share ourselves.
If OP's MIL could act within reason and not keep pushing the limits of reason and appropriate behavior I'm sure the whole situation would be very different.
Wedding 6.18.04 Cole 11.20.06 Gavin 3.31.08 Parker 07.15.10 Logan 04.03.12
Well she definitely sounds like a wack-job and your husband definitely needs to have a conversation with her when he's calm enough to talk to her. Particularly about the way she's treating you.
It might be helpful though, in the future, if you familiarized yourself with FB's rules when you tag a person in a post, picture or comment. I am sure you know now though that friends of your friend can see and then comment on the post, if they friend of a friend has a public page, it becomes public. You should be aware of that for the future and not tag people if a. they have a public page (should you not want the info out) b. they have friends who have public pages (for the same reason). And someone mentioned that if a friend is tagged in a picture you posted that friend can take your picture and post it as their own, or any of their friends can (which you found out).
Just for the future you might want to forgo tagging anyone in your pictures.
https://www.facebook.com/help/?faq=103911089698763
I'll bet you can get it removed with this.
Facebook will take down anything that's in violation of current US privacy laws. Most people in the US don't have any, but because your DH is military and you've actually looked up the applicable rules/laws, you might stand a much better chance of being successful.
www.facebook.com/help/contact.php?show_form=unauthorized_photos for photos
https://www.facebook.com/help/contact.php?show_form=unauthorized_content
for all other content
True.
Wedding 6.18.04 Cole 11.20.06 Gavin 3.31.08 Parker 07.15.10 Logan 04.03.12
My goodness, your MIL never fails to amaze me. I'm so sorry you have this woman in your life. What a horrible, horrible person
I have no advice, I just want to let you know I'm sorry!
Hey - where does she live in the US? If she's nearby, I'll totally egg her house for you! Haha!!
I would have been pissed and this happened with BIL and was the downfall of our relationship with my inlaws.
For future reference you can hide it from her that's what I do. Drives me nuts.
The issue with her sharing things on facebook is that she has random people she doesn't even know on there and her page has no privacy precautions on it. I do want her to be excited and I want to get along with her, the problem is, we have asked her not to post things without making sure it was okay with us because of her refusal to understand our privacy issues. I asked her really nicely to take down the picture and that I would print one out and send it to her if she wanted it, If she wanted to show that to her actual friends and family that she 'knows' then I would have no issue with it, but the internet on an 'open' page like hers is not where I care to have it displayed.
Also, although we are excited about being pregnant and hoping for the best, we had a late-loss pregnancy a few years back and God forbid something were to happen, we would like to have to explain to as few people.
Fergie is correct in saying that because we are military and most of our friends are as well, we have our pages set on the most private settings you can have. I didn't realize that she would be able to 'share' the picture if I tagged my H in them without permission, I have since changed security settings once again.
That being said-
I have learned my lesson though and will not be putting things that I really don't want anyone to be able to post on their pages on FB again.