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i need some advice..1st time on this board..maybe long

robbins25robbins25
in Blended Families
ok...i have 2 girls from a previous relationship that has been over now for 6 yrs now, and curently preg w number 3 w my husband. he has an older daughter who does not live w us due to complications  recently happend w his ex wife and to keep his daughter comfortable and less stressed we let her stay w his parents in the same schooling district she has been in since the school year started. now i have just started comeing into her life and being the 3rd party  and outsider who sees way more then what everyone else sees i can tell that we are in for a big headache.1. my daughters are young enough to be influenced by her actions 2. she has started useing family to get things but when i bring up this topic her dad my husband is in denial and makes excuses..she was up this past weekend and has made comments she hates haveing family time which she come here w us twice a month as we keep in mind she has her weekends w friends which i beleive she has been w her bf a lil to long and im thinking the worst just by her behavior and attitude..im normally right but i dont want to push the issue w my husband to much but i dont want it to be a "i told you so" situation either....im trying to understand as being the step mom how can i go about this so as to not to be on everyones sh*t list..im open to anything and i have thought about everyones point of veiw thats why i havent really dove into this w my husband but have spoke about it just not great length
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Re: i need some advice..1st time on this board..maybe long

  • +j+k++j+k+

    You need to speak up and talk to your husband. 

    You don't say enough about the issues for me really to advise, but as a step mother of a very entitled, manipulative step daugther - you need to find your voice for your daughters. It wasn't until I had a daughter of my own that I really squawked and put my foot down and got on a few sh*t lists before my husband started to listen. By then though it was too late.

    Your husband and you need to agree on some rules and get on board together on what happens in your home.  She needs to understand that she can b*tch all she wants but in your home, THIS is how we behave. Make it real clear what the consequences are and then stand by those consequences.

    If you and your husband are not on the same page, not consistent, and don't back each other, she's going to run the show. You're the parents which means you are the boss - not her -  and it sounds like she's running the show a little.

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  • dmndsr4evadmndsr4eva member
    I don't have a ton of advice other than to say that I highly recommend the book Stepmonster.  It is a very well written book by a highly educated stepmother with tons of good insight into the blended family experience.
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  • juliettoddjuliettodd
    image+j+k+:
    You need to speak up and talk to your husband. 

    You don't say enough about the issues for me really to advise, but as a step mother of a very entitled, manipulative step daugther - you need to find your voice for your daughters. It wasn't until I had a daughter of my own that I really squawked and put my foot down and got on a few sh*t lists before my husband started to listen. By then though it was too late.

    Your husband and you need to agree on some rules and get on board together on what happens in your home.  She needs to understand that she can b*tch all she wants but in your home, THIS is how we behave. Make it real clear what the consequences are and then stand by those consequences.

    If you and your husband are not on the same page, not consistent, and don't back each other, she's going to run the show. You're the parents which means you are the boss - not her -  and it sounds like she's running the show a little.

    All of this, especially the bolded.  Even if you and your DH work together and have impeccable communication, kids (bio and step) will still try to divide and conquer.

     

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