I get sooo tired of seeing/hearing people say...(pg mentioned)

ruthymusney · February 2012

"First Tri is the worst." "Once you get out of first tri, the danger zone" etc.

I'm pretty sure we will all have fears for the rest of our lives. I hate to be a debbie downer, but I hate this mind set now. I guess I'm just jealous. I want to feel like that again...

erbarmywife · February 2012

I definitely miss being naive during pregnancy. Ugh.

hewinked · February 2012

When I got pregnant this time, everyone assumed that I was over the moon excited. Nope, I was just terrified. When I had the 20 u/s, my mom asked if I was "feeling better" because everything was ok with baby. My DS died as a 2-month-old who was perfectly healthy up until he choked. I won't feel safe while pregnant or after this baby gets here and probably not for a long time. I definitely miss my naivity and innoncence.

pottermommy · February 2012

First can I say that I love your statement above your ticker. I firmly believe in the power of our words. LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!!!

Now onto the post, I think one of the most difficult things to wrap your head around after a loss like ours is simply the loss of naivety. It is the loss of that peaceful innocence that we once possesed.

I am still scared everyday, especially whille he is sleeping b/c I know that having a baby doesn't mean he will stay here. It is scary and I wish I didn't feel that way. I am going to link a poem that I read while I was on PgAL

There isn't really any advice here, just understanding and huge hugs.

Thoughts on Becoming a Mother:

There are women that become mothers without effort,

without thought, without patience or loss

and though they are amazing mothers and love their children,

I know that I will be different, I will make myself be better.

I will be better not because of genetics,

or money or that I have read more books

but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.

I have longed and waited.

I have cried and prayed.

I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life,

the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.

I will notice everything about my child.

I will take time to watch my child sleep,

explore and discover.

I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child,

knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him

and that I am not waking to take another temperature,

pop another pill,

take another shot

or cry tears of a broken dream.

My dream will be crying in the other room,

waiting for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense;

that God has given me this insight,

this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will never see.

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to,

or a child that God leads me to,

I will not be careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured.

I am a better wife,

a better aunt,

a better daughter,

neighbor,

friend and sister

because I have known pain.

I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body.

Betrayed by a child's death.

I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed.

I have succeeded.

I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me,

I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort.

I see it,

mourn it,

and join them in theirs.

I listen.

And even though I cannot make it better,

I can make it less lonely.

I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine,

of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard.

I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in these shoes.

I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes I will be a wonderful mother.

ChevTrucksr4Grls · February 2012

ruthymusney:
"First Tri is the worst." "Once you get out of first tri, the danger zone" etc.

I'm pretty sure we will all have fears for the rest of our lives. I hate to be a debbie downer, but I hate this mind set now. I guess I'm just jealous. I want to feel like that again...

Our losses take away that innocence, if/when i get pregnant again- there will be no safe zone....

butterfly843 · February 2012

It also bothers me to see people say how they are now safe since they are out of the first trimester. Even friends of mind who know about my loss still feel the need to make this comment around me.

niknak1128 · February 2012

Definitely sucks. I will never in my life feel safe until I have a healthy baby in my arms. I will worry every step of the way. If there's anything that this taught me, it taught me how important it is to always be an advocate for your health and the health of your children. It taught me to never feel badly about asking too many questions.. pushing for better answers. I will never again feel guilty about calling triage too many times.. or bugging my doctors. I called Triage for four days before my water broke. No one listened to me. All the RN's said that I probably have a sensitive cervix or broke a blood vessel.. no one took me seriously. I called back.. I kept calling back but I didn't push hard enough and I will never ever again be afraid to push back.

careyalis · February 2012

This was me just a few short months ago. I thought I was invincible after I "passed" my NT scan. I knew nothing about skeletal dysplasia and could have never imagined that my daughter would have a fatal case of it. I had never met anyone whose baby died-babies didn't die as far as I was concerned. I feel like I have lost every ounce of innocence and nativity that I once had. I will never again take any stage of pregnancy (if I'm ever even able to get pg again) for granted.