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April 2012 Moms
lmd321
member
Vaginismus- Too late to switch drs?
lmd321
member
Ok long story...
I had vaginismus when I got married (google the term- basically I couldn't have sex b/c I had too much anxiety!). I've overcome it (obs, I got preggers) but I still get major anxiety when going for an internal exam. Back where I've lived before, I had a good NP who talked for a long time with me about it and made me feel really comfortable and I got through pap smears fine (anxious but not breaking down).
I moved at the end of 1st tri, got a new dr and saw her for the 3rd time on Fri. The 1st time she was rude, I thought, well maybe she is just having a bad day. I asked her if she ever had patients with this condition and she said rudely, "Well yeah, I'm an OBGYN" and looked at me like I was crazy.
But I am anxious about labor & delivery and she does NOT comfort me AT ALL. She just stands there and stared at me when I broke down and cried the other day. Seriously, didn't offer a tissue or anything, just stared. I feel like she is making my anxiety WORSE by not being understanding.
Fortunately, there is one other dr in the clinic (who I haven't even met!!) who could be delivering me. I just hope everything goes smoothly and I just see the dr at the end when the final pushing is happening! I heard that the nurses are the ones who help you through it anyway, is that the case for those that have been through it?
I'm also considering just flat out asking for a c-section but I really, really want to do it vaginally to prove to myself I can overcome this anxiety! I also don't want to go through the hassle of finding a new dr (if one would even take me) this late in the game.
Any comments if you've been through vaginismus or vulvodynia and advice is appreciated! I knew when we were trying to get pregnant that I would have to face this eventually, but I just thought I had a better handle on it (this dr seems to make me regress!)
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Vaginismus- Too late to switch drs?
Oh, I have sooo been there. I HATE how so many Obgyns and CNMs will act all knowledgeable and then not really have a clue. I'm sorry you had to move away from your good NP. I had to change my OBGYN for insurance reasons, and have never really found her equal.
My vaginismus was related to undiagnosed vulvar vestibulitis. Once that was under control, I had to tackle the metal hurdle. What helped me the most (along with a whole lot of mental health work), was getting physical therapy. But that was long before I ever got PG, so I don't really have much advice, just ideas and empathy.
You CAN do this. Giving birth is so much different than exams and sex. I know, "duh", but it is hard to explain to someone who hasn't had vaginismus. Your focus is different, so you may be just fine.
My labor experiences have been never knowing who would be there when we delivered. So it was up to DH and I to advocate. Can your partner come with you to your exams? Knowing you won't be alone could be helpful. I don't think they ever used a speculum to check my cervix when I was in labor (that was my biggest issue), but my memory is not that clear. I also had epidurals. It is possible to ask if someone else can deliver you. A stranger might be better than someone who already makes you anxious.
Good luck. ((hugs))
THANK YOU!! Ok, I am hoping to the labor and delivery experience will be much different...I'm thinking my momma instinct will kick in and get me through. DH did come with me to the last exam and verified that the dr wasn't friendly. He was the one comforting me. He can't come to all, unfortunately, but it helps when he is there.
And the speculum is the worst thing ever!! That is what spurred on my break down the other day- my DH is a med student and his other med student friend suggested getting a plastic speculum from the dr to get more comfortable with by myself. So I asked at my appt and the dr said no! She said it could introduce bacteria into the vagina, blah blah blah and I could deliver prematurely. Whatever! Sex def gets more bacteria in there and she never said no sex! Anyways, that relives me that you don't remember using a speculum, I will just have to ask to not use it or use a kid's one if at all possible!
Thanks again, I'm just glad to hear someone has delivered vaginally after having this problem!
THANK YOU!! Ok, I am hoping to the labor and delivery experience will be much different...I'm thinking my momma instinct will kick in and get me through. DH did come with me to the last exam and verified that the dr wasn't friendly. He was the one comforting me. He can't come to all, unfortunately, but it helps when he is there.
And the speculum is the worst thing ever!! That is what spurred on my break down the other day- my DH is a med student and his other med student friend suggested getting a plastic speculum from the dr to get more comfortable with by myself. So I asked at my appt and the dr said no! She said it could introduce bacteria into the vagina, blah blah blah and I could deliver prematurely. Whatever! Sex def gets more bacteria in there and she never said no sex! Anyways, that relieves me that you don't remember using a speculum, I will just have to ask to not use it or use a kid's one if at all possible!
Thanks again, I'm just glad to hear someone has delivered vaginally after having this problem!
My doc gave me a plastic speculum. You can even buy them on amazon. But I can see her point, being pg and messing with your own cervix could be problematic. I'd want to be careful, but maybe your provider (probably not your current one!) could show you how to use it safely.
I still think switching providers if at all possible could be a good idea. It sounds like she has no interest in, or understanding of how this affects your mental health. She seems to think you are just being a baby about it. It sucks that she is so insensitive. After this is all over, you should complain to her supervisor.