military wife — The Bump
Military Families

military wife

hello all, I am a military wife (Navy) and am struggling with my husband having a shift work schedule. Anyone else out there that is experiencing this and how do you cope with it?? thanks 

Re: military wife

  • Shift work is very common, at least in my experience. Just go on living your life and stick to your routine. I personally will but change my life every time the schedule changes. I'm not sure what you mean by cope. He is just working crappy hours. Just keep yourself busy and enjoy your own interests and you went think about it as much.

    Married 11/27/09 and TTC right away
    Dx: Complete septate uterus with cervical duplication, endometrial polyps, PCOS, endometriosis, hypo thyroid, luteal phase defect
    4 uterus surgeries to correct my complete septum and to remove polyps and 2 years of seeing the RE, medicated cycles and IUIs
    Baby 1 and 2: BFP 3/3/11 with 2 babies EDD 11/1/11, M/C 4/6/11
    Baby #3: 8/11 pregnant EDD 4/27/11 and m/c:(
    Baby #4: 10/12/11 BFP! EDD 6/16/12m/c 10/26/11
    Baby #5: 3/13/12 BFP! EDD 11/25/12 ANOTHER m/c :(

    Baby #6: 2/14/13- BFP! EDD 10/24/13, CP 2/19/13
    Baby #7: 3/15/13- BFP! EDD 11/27/13, another CP
    Baby #8.  BFP 5/19/13 EDD 1/22/14. 8 was not our lucky number

    4th septum resection on 5/31/13.
    Baby #9: 6/29/13 BFP. C section scheduled for March 5th!

    My miracle baby was born March 5 at 9:33am. He was 8 lbs 12.5 oz and 21.25 inches long!

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  • Terrible phone typing

    Married 11/27/09 and TTC right away
    Dx: Complete septate uterus with cervical duplication, endometrial polyps, PCOS, endometriosis, hypo thyroid, luteal phase defect
    4 uterus surgeries to correct my complete septum and to remove polyps and 2 years of seeing the RE, medicated cycles and IUIs
    Baby 1 and 2: BFP 3/3/11 with 2 babies EDD 11/1/11, M/C 4/6/11
    Baby #3: 8/11 pregnant EDD 4/27/11 and m/c:(
    Baby #4: 10/12/11 BFP! EDD 6/16/12m/c 10/26/11
    Baby #5: 3/13/12 BFP! EDD 11/25/12 ANOTHER m/c :(

    Baby #6: 2/14/13- BFP! EDD 10/24/13, CP 2/19/13
    Baby #7: 3/15/13- BFP! EDD 11/27/13, another CP
    Baby #8.  BFP 5/19/13 EDD 1/22/14. 8 was not our lucky number

    4th septum resection on 5/31/13.
    Baby #9: 6/29/13 BFP. C section scheduled for March 5th!

    My miracle baby was born March 5 at 9:33am. He was 8 lbs 12.5 oz and 21.25 inches long!

    image"">

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  • My H flies and so rarely even has the same schedule day to day. I work a mid shift (early afternoon to late evening), so we kind of don't see each other through the week, and just make our weekends as awesome as possible with as much quality time as possible. 
    I've seen a lot of military surprise homecomings. It wouldn't work on me. I always have my back to the corner and my face to the door. Looking for terrorists, criminals, various other threats, and husbands.
  • image ufsandra85:
    Shift work is very common, at least in my experience. Just go on living your life and stick to your routine. I personally will but change my life every time the schedule changes. I'm not sure what you mean by cope. He is just working crappy hours. Just keep yourself busy and enjoy your own interests and you went think about it as much.

    Cope-meaning he gets really grumpy/tired all the time...not a pleasant person to be around sometimes and when he can obviously see that I might need some help with the baby he doesn't offer to help. It's like I always have to ask him to help me out or tell him what needs to be done, rather than him noticing it himself. It gets on my nerves and I struggle sometimes.  

  • image caradull:

    image ufsandra85:
    Shift work is very common, at least in my experience. Just go on living your life and stick to your routine. I personally will but change my life every time the schedule changes. I'm not sure what you mean by cope. He is just working crappy hours. Just keep yourself busy and enjoy your own interests and you went think about it as much.

    Cope-meaning he gets really grumpy/tired all the time...not a pleasant person to be around sometimes and when he can obviously see that I might need some help with the baby he doesn't offer to help. It's like I always have to ask him to help me out or tell him what needs to be done, rather than him noticing it himself. It gets on my nerves and I struggle sometimes.  

    I don't understand why being on a swing shift would make him cranky. My husband got switched to the swing shift and while it sucked at first for him to change his sleep pattern a little he still gets his 8 hours. He just goes to bed later and wakes up after me. If your husband isn't getting himself on a routine that is his fault and he should not be taking it out on you. And he should of course be helping with the baby and house chores. Having a swing shift doesn't mean you get to be lazy and cranky, your just working different hours not more hours.
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  • image Gismo123:
    image caradull:

    image ufsandra85:
    Shift work is very common, at least in my experience. Just go on living your life and stick to your routine. I personally will but change my life every time the schedule changes. I'm not sure what you mean by cope. He is just working crappy hours. Just keep yourself busy and enjoy your own interests and you went think about it as much.

    Cope-meaning he gets really grumpy/tired all the time...not a pleasant person to be around sometimes and when he can obviously see that I might need some help with the baby he doesn't offer to help. It's like I always have to ask him to help me out or tell him what needs to be done, rather than him noticing it himself. It gets on my nerves and I struggle sometimes.  

    I don't understand why being on a swing shift would make him cranky. My husband got switched to the swing shift and while it sucked at first for him to change his sleep pattern a little he still gets his 8 hours. He just goes to bed later and wakes up after me. If your husband isn't getting himself on a routine that is his fault and he should not be taking it out on you. And he should of course be helping with the baby and house chores. Having a swing shift doesn't mean you get to be lazy and cranky, your just working different hours not more hours.

    Gismo123, exactly....thank you!! He is on this crazy schedule for the next year until he gets out of the Navy. Then maybe we can have a normal life/schedule lol I am just trying to hang in there ;-)  

  • image caradull:

    image ufsandra85:
    Shift work is very common, at least in my experience. Just go on living your life and stick to your routine. I personally will but change my life every time the schedule changes. I'm not sure what you mean by cope. He is just working crappy hours. Just keep yourself busy and enjoy your own interests and you went think about it as much.

    Cope-meaning he gets really grumpy/tired all the time...not a pleasant person to be around sometimes and when he can obviously see that I might need some help with the baby he doesn't offer to help. It's like I always have to ask him to help me out or tell him what needs to be done, rather than him noticing it himself. It gets on my nerves and I struggle sometimes.  

    Sounds like a husband problem. Not a military problem.
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  • I went though this last year with DH. We ended up going to counseling because he was working such long hrs. standing guard duty. We were both in permanent states of frustration. I was pregnant at the time. Anyway, it was good to talk to a 3rd party so that we could see where each of of was coming from. One thing I did was on his days off I had him do 1 thing around the house. Nothing miraculous, but mainly just to let him know that he still had to contribute even if he was working 4 days of 14 hrs.... He was still on guard duty right after DS was born too. First I think you two need to have a nice chat so you can see where he's coming from.
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  • Like others have said live your life no matter what hours he is working. My husband work 2 days, 2 swings, 2 mids, 3 off and I try to keep my routine as normal as possible. It is hard to not get caught up in the "when he gets out" or "when the hours change" things will be better game. From my experience the cause of the frustration usually runs deeper than the work hours. I would look into counseling if things are tense. 
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  • image LemonLover33:
    image caradull:

    image ufsandra85:
    Shift work is very common, at least in my experience. Just go on living your life and stick to your routine. I personally will but change my life every time the schedule changes. I'm not sure what you mean by cope. He is just working crappy hours. Just keep yourself busy and enjoy your own interests and you went think about it as much.

    Cope-meaning he gets really grumpy/tired all the time...not a pleasant person to be around sometimes and when he can obviously see that I might need some help with the baby he doesn't offer to help. It's like I always have to ask him to help me out or tell him what needs to be done, rather than him noticing it himself. It gets on my nerves and I struggle sometimes.  

    Sounds like a husband problem. Not a military problem.

     

    Exactly!! My DH has a steady disposition even when he's exhausted and over worked. Not fair to take it out on you. I probably would have told him to shape up that he's not the first, last or only person working his hours. 

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