huge vent (pg mentioned - not mine)

glaw · February 2012

So we were supposed to go to visit the inlaws for thanksgiving when I found out I was having a m/c so we cancelled. I told DH that I didn't want to him to tell too many people - we had already told his parents and SIL had found out, but I didn't want to tell BIL and his wife.

In the end, DH told BIL and his wife and I was ok with it. We ended up going to visit all the in laws for Christmas. I was ok with everything then. I even played with BIL and his wife's 8 month old son and we brought them all very nice presents and overall it was fine.

Fast forward to today, DH and his friend went up skiing for the day and I get a text all of a sudden "BIL and wife are expecting another boy " - I swear I sat and stared at that text msg for 10 mins. At first I was like "oh that's nice" then I thought "wait how do they know it's a boy and how far along are they?"

SIX MONTHS! Six freaking months. She is due in June. She was even pg before I was. They didn't bother telling us till now!!! There is no way the rest of DH's family (who lives near them - we don't) doesn't know. I feel like a fool. They could've told us at Xmas face to face in a respectful way. Instead, I get a text msg from DH who got a call from BIL.

I am SO LIVID. Not only is this cycle I just finished a bust (waiting for AF any day) but now BIL and wife are expecting their second around the same time I should have been having my baby. And they didn't have the decency to tell us to our face - but instead make us feel like such fools when everyone else around us knows but us!

DH thinks they were trying to be protective of us after the m/c. I can see his point, but I think they handled it sooooo poorly. At this point, they might as well have waited to freakin call us from the hospital when she was in delivery!! I told him no way in h*ll are we telling them anything until I feel like I want to. I can't believe we told them about our m/c and shared everything - even when I did not want to - and they are so secretive.

I was a little mad at DH that he chose to tell me in a text while he's hours away skiing but I know he doesn't like to keep anything from me and wants to tell me right away. But it really ruined my Saturday. I feel like such a fool that at Christmas everyone else knew but us! I hate them. Honestly I do.

LEP424 · February 2012

Even if they didn't tell you with the best of intentions, I completely understand how you're feeling. ((Hugs))

ashleyl31 · February 2012

((hugs)) It does suck!

HopingforChange · February 2012

I feel like if they weren't telling you to protect you, they sort of didn't think it through. I mean, they were going to have to tell you eventually, and now you have the news plus the feeling of being treated like an idiot. I hope they meant well, but I don't think they made the best choice. I understand your DH wanted you to know, but I wish he wouldn't have texted it. That is not texting news. I know he had good intentions, but still. Sounds like something a boy would do! I am sorry you are dealing with this mess.

angielayne926 · February 2012

This just happened to me this week too. SIL told us that she's pg and has knows since Christmas too. ((((HUGS))))

orangegoggles · February 2012

((Hugs)) I'm sorry...I completely understand how you feel. It seems like they tried to protect your feelings in the beginning and then just went way too long with it and now you feel like you've been tricked. I'm sorry hun.

Missuskeekers · February 2012

That sucks so freaking much.. and wtf that means they were already like 4 months at Christmas, that is just weird and uncool.

glaw · February 2012

Thanks ladies - I am sorry to hear some of you have been treated the same way. To the poster who said that I've been made to feel an idiot, that is EXACTLY how I feel. Like I'm some stupid silly child who cannot handle such news instead of a mature adult member of the family who deserves to be told with dignity and respect

At least DH agrees with me that when we eventually hopefully get pg again, we are not telling anyone, especially them, until at least 6 months. Maybe I'll make it 6.5 months to beat them. We'll see how they feel. Although by then they'll be so wrapped up with their 2 boys that I'm sure they won't care at all.

glaw · February 2012

Missuskeekers:
That sucks so freaking much.. and wtf that means they were already like 4 months at Christmas, that is just weird and uncool.

Exactly!! They were at least 3-4 months at Christmas. And, we were going to tell everyone at thanksgiving when we went up. At that point, they were already a month ahead of us and we hadn't m/c'd yet but they STILL hadn't told anyone. Who knows what is in their heads anyway. But you can be sure I won't be sharing anything with them.

OCIrishBruin · February 2012

Ugh. That sucks.

I think they were trying to be thoughtful but didn't really think it through. Maybe they assumed that by the time they eventually told you, you would be in a better emotional place to hear the news. I don't think people who haven't gone through this understand just how long the pain lasts.

(((hugs)))

karencz · February 2012

Wow. I'd be embarrassed and livid too!! That is pretty sh!tty of them even if they didn't realize it was going to hurt you in the long run.

butterfly843 · February 2012

((hugs))

glaw · February 2012

thanks again for all the support ladies. it means a lot b/c i feel like my in real life friends and family (and even DH) don't get why this would bother me so much. but i know you guys get it. so thanks!

atmidwoodtobe · February 2012

**HUGS** I'm so sorry sweetie.

I hope they really were just trying to be considerate, but even so, they went about it all wrong. It definitely wasn't fair to find out in a text, that's for sure.

tashpede · February 2012

I'm uspet for a couple of reasons.

One. I think it's really tacky the way they decided to tell you.

Two. They must have gotten pregnant when their LO was like 3 months old. I don't know why that bothers me... but it does.

I'm sorry you are going through this right now. I wish you didn't have to. And I'm sorry that your in-laws did a crappy job at protecting you. It's like everyone makes things worse that way.

I would give anything to have had my SIL sit me down in person and tell me of her second pregnancy after our loss. It still stings to this day that I, instead, got a big picture message of her positive pee stick after my negative one had just barely started to dry.

(((hugs)))

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